Longing

L8NightQ · Jan 3, 2011

Seb - you bring up a very important point. The danger of the Dom wannabee, or sadistic nutjob who will literally interpret a new sub's fantasy and criminalize it.

Well said.

Likely · Jan 9, 2011

sebastian said:
It's also lazy and irresponsible on the sub's part. ...Both dom and sub have to learn what the other needs and have to express their needs directly. ...What Sierra is fantasizing about is very common among subs, especially new inexperienced ones.

Like Sierra, I'm also "new." I found my master two years ago before I understood that what I wanted was a bdsm relationship. It wasn't until I unwittingly fell into "sub-space" that we began to understand where things needed to go. I know why Sierra called the post "longing" too. It's the feeling you have as a new sub when you want to be dominated, but as a new sub, we have no idea what will satisfy that longing. Communicating directly with your master is all very well and good, but how do I tell Master what I need when I don't know myself? I'm two years into a 24/7 relationship that is going very well, but I still feel that longing and frustrate my master with my inability to tell him what will satisfy it.

Some practical advice would be very well received.

sebastian · Jan 9, 2011

Have you read my '4 Spheres of BDSM' post in the Newcomer's FAQ? One reason I wrote that was to help gives subs a language to talk about their desires

Likely · Jan 10, 2011

Thank you

I did read your post Sebastian and found it much more useful than I expected xD Afterwards I had a talk with Master about introducing more intense control into our relationship (quality rather than quantity). May I also humbly suggest that you add a section about aftercare in after the four spheres? I believe it is as important as the other four since it is a time for the Dom to show just how important his sub is to him, however, aftercare is rarely referred to in any depth. I, like many subs was in a previous abusive relationship so aftercare is a high priority for Master.

Thank you for your advice.

sebastian · Jan 11, 2011

Likely, that's a good suggestion. I'll post something about it when I have time.

If you're struggling to feel controlled, perhaps it would help to add some rituals to your daily life. Ask your master to identify some short activities that you can do every day that emphasize his authority over you. For example, when the two of you greet each other after getting home from work, you kneel down and kiss his shoes/feet and tell him how grateful you are that he has chosen you. Even a few small gestures like that can remind both of you of what you're doing and why.

Longing

L8NightQ

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sebastian

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sebastian

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