Life in a 24/7 relationship.

Knots · Nov 26, 2011

Foreverbunny91 said:
Hmmm... I would say for mental health reasons, a 24/7 sub should get breaks every six months or a year for a day or more. Not because the relationship itself is unhealthy but because lack of social time can cause a lot of issues, and also to avoid the subs identity (or the doms for that matter) becoming dependant on theirpartner...

And thank you, Knots. You semi answered my question. Uh, is there a lot of hugging/kissing/cuddling involved? That's more if what I was looking for by saying vanilla affection. (In describing how my bf wanted me to dominate him, he asked I do not kiss him- a lot different tham our day to day interactions... Liking a really affectionate dom I had not realized a lot of subs don't get kissed.)

You can't really have a "break" in the sense you've just spoken about, even if you suspend D/s interactions. That's like a married couple pretending they aren't married for a day; they are really, they're just pretending. You can however, introduce safeguards which make sure the slave's mental health is secured (such as how Sebastian suggested earlier).

In a 24/7 relationship, being dependent on your dominant is often quite important; indeed, in all pernament relationships, your identity becomes intertwined with your partner's to some extent.

Yes, lots of slaves have "harsh dominants" This is exactly how it works and exactly what some people wan but this doesn't mean it's necessarily what *you* want, and there is no right way to do it outside of what works in the individual dynamic. Many people who scene (I.E. "I'm only a sub in the bedroom") do suspend "affection" until after-care.

P.S. For us, it depends. Sometimes yes, other times no.

sebastian · Nov 26, 2011

I think it's important to realize that being a slave is, on some level, a fantasy. The modern world (or most of it) doesn't recognize slavery as a legal institution. This means that all BDSM play has to take into consideration the 'real world'. Most slaves will need to have an outside job, will need some contact with family, and so on. Doms need to take precaution to avoid charges of domestic abuse and assault. The master/slave relationship is an ideal that is never really completely achieved (because legally the slave can always leave or say no).

Foreverbunny91 · Nov 27, 2011

I understand that some people prefer harsh doms... thank both of you for the explanations

I never knew people actually got charged with domestic violence. That's BS! I can abuse my body if I want.

I would argue that it's extremely unhealthy to lose your autonomy and your identity outside of any relationship. Developmental psych 200

JettOnly · Nov 27, 2011

Foreverbunny91 I think I tend to agree with you here
I would have thought that although this might be the fantisy of the sub a dom would be concerened enough about the mental health of the sub to make sure they have some kind of supportive friendships outside of the relationship

In an abusive relationship a partner sometimes isolates another because it makes it so much more difficult for them to leave if they have noone else to turn to

Not saying this is in any way abusive - it is clearly consnetual

sebastian · Nov 27, 2011

Forever, the problem is that a lot of BDSM looks like domestic abuse, and the line can be very hard to draw. You can abuse your body, but legally I can't abuse it even with your consent. In the eyes of the law, a person cannot consent to being beaten. If they could, it would be virtually impossible to prosecute actual cases of domestic violence. In practice, many police officers and district attorneys are reluctant to prosecute either because they recognize the difference between BDSM and abuse or because they realize it is hard to get a conviction without the active co-operation of the recipient. But many things a dom does to a sub are illegal. If you really want to see the risks a dom takes, google 'Oliver Jovanovich'. It's a very ugly case.

So I think in a 24/7 relationship that it's important for the couple to have period 'equal meetings' in which both can express their desires outside the bounds of dom/sub play. It gives a chance for the sub to renew his/her consent.

Foreverbunny91 · Nov 27, 2011

JettOnly, I wouldn't go so far as to say that it even borders abuse (although you are correct- that's EXACTLY what happens in an abusive relationship)... But as I think you were statigk it's definitely not healthy. Perhaps they are way too into their fantasies and it may soon become unhealthy. I think both dom and sub need to socialize with others outside of the relationship... I've made the mistake of counting on my boyfriend for all of my needs in the past, and I had to have a counselor sit me down and have a serious talk about the terrible effects it had on both of us. Of course, in a 24/7, I'm guessing that part of it is the sub relying on the dom for all of their needs, and it's fine if that happens most of the time... But sometimes I think there needs to be a break.

Sebastian, that is rather sad, but now that I think about it, it is for the "best" of most cases, which are of real abuse. For example, sex trafficking victims are often so broken and so ashamed of being a victim that most will eventually be able to be arrested for prostitution time and time again and never tattle on their captors... And some even say that they wanted to be prostitutes in the first place! Same thing happens with the battered woman syndrome. But it still poses a rather terrible risk for doms

Nuka · Nov 30, 2011

I've posted around on threads before, but will so again here.

We're a 24/7 at the moment, though I may be moving out soon.

As we're with ashlie's parents we can't do a lot of what we'd like, but when we have time, space and the house to ourselves then we like to play around with ropes, wax, vibs, scarrification, scratching, bleeding, bath and water play, breath play and a lot more.

I also make her become a proper pet of mine and go full on kitty and servant roles.

Even with parents around, we use looks, gestures, tones and keywords to trigger things without people knowing what we're on about. Though her mum has mentioned that I have a "hold2 over her, too much of one that is healthy. That's her opinion and it won't change how we act, but we have stepped down a little bit.

Aibo · Dec 4, 2011

I agree with Foreverbunny91 and in the full time relationship that I have had, I did give my slave R&R vacation, the last one she got were a 2 week one to France. Even so our relationship were not 24/7, but very nearly so. And yes she did have friends outside the relationship, all were informed also - by necessity since she did always wear her collar. Her mother criticized her for the collar, but not me when we visited her once. I found that a tad funny.

Life in a 24/7 relationship.

Knots

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sebastian

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