I'm new and need some help!!!

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Huaztek89, Dec 16, 2010.

  1. Huaztek89

    Huaztek89 New Member

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    Ok here is the thing, I just joined this forum recently and I don't know how to find things and I was wondering if there is anybody that can help me out, oh and I was wondering if anybody could give me some ideas on how I should treat a pet?? Like things I could make them do and stuff. Anything would be great!!!
  2. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    You might want to start with the beginners FAQ. There are quite a few thoughts on what you should do and shouldn't do with a "pet".... But we're all different here.
    You're going to have to go into a little more detail if you want some specific ideas.

    I suggest you start with "The New Topping Book" by Easton and Hardy

    I get the feeling that would be a good start for you.

    Do yourself a favor and now that you know who you are, do as much as you can to understand you and "what" you are, and what that means to any sub that might come your way.
    Videos help you understand what you like, but books and honest communication are the way to learn what you do and how to play with your pet.

    The more you learn, the better it gets.

    To start with, when you grow in what you are, it becomes much less about "you".
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    H: L8 is right. He's giving you good advice. And let me emphasize communication. A lot of new doms think that they are supposed to be an endless font of evil tricks and play ideas for the sub, and to magically know what the sub wants. Don't get caught in that trap. Talk to your pet about s/he wants you to do, and about what you want to do to him/her. Ask her for ideas; give him/her an assignment to draw up a list of ideas that you can draw from as you need to. And as you become more experienced as a dom and more familiar with what s/he likes, you will find it easier to come up with things, variations on established things, similar games, and totally new things that you know will fit in with what s/he likes.

    Subs love it when the dom seems to read their mind, but that's not a trick most new doms have learned. I'm good at it because I have an instinct for psychology, and there are ways to make a sub think you can read their mind when you're really just guessing, but at a basic level, it's not fair to you to think that it's part of your job.
  4. Huaztek89

    Huaztek89 New Member

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    Thanks for the advice, eventhough im still new at this i dont know how to handle the pet thing yet because i dont know what to do with him and everytime i ask him what stuff he would like to do he tells me that its not any of his decision to choose, and i tell him that he needs to tell me if he's comfortable doing what i ask and he tells me he has nothing to say in it, and that he just has to go along. this makes me really upset because i dont want him to do anything he doesnt feel like doing. So, the next question is what should i do???
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Well, have you read through the FAQ? Do you understand the idea of the two layers, the Outer and the Inner? I think a piece of the problem has to do with a confusion between the two layers. Your boy is focusing entirely on the Outer Layer. He's putting all the responsibility on you and is just sitting there waiting for you to take complete control. But in doing that he's ignoring the Inner Layer, the level on which he is responsible for his part of the relationship. He's responsible for helping you find your dominance and confidence, and for helping you understand what he needs. And you're not ready to do that yet. You're a new dom and you're new to this relationship. Even if you were an experienced dom, you'd need to learn what he needs. Put in different terms, he wants to play in the deep end of the pool, and you're still learning the dogpaddle. So you need to find ways to get him to tell you what he wants and doesn't want.

    So how's this? Order him to keep a journal. He needs to write at least 250 words a day (that's about a page, double-spaced). In that journal, he needs to describe his reactions to what you do, his fantasies, and other thoughts that occur to him about his new-found inferior status. He must write out at least three fantasies a week. You have the right to read that journal whenever you want.
  6. Huaztek89

    Huaztek89 New Member

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    Thanks Seb. Thats pretty awesome advice, and i will let him do a journal that way i can learn new things from him. Thanks again.

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