Ideas in a hurry...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by MistressMaria86, Dec 31, 2012.


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    Hi all,

    So last night a friend and I, I am female D he is male s had some fun over text. I am pretty new to being a D and he is a much more experienced sub.

    The 'session' if you can call it that went reasonably well I got him to worship my boots, licking sucking the heel etc I 'put' pegs on him, paddled his ass and got him to give me a bj (wearing a strap on) and then 'f**ked him with it. I also 'put' a hood on him and was about to start a bit of breath play ( as its all theoretical its perfectly safe lol) but he fell asleep (which is fair enough as it was nearly four in the morning).

    During the session he made a couple of comments which are kind of out of the scene ie saying that i had grown in confidence and that he wanted me to take full control. He has sent me a message today saying 'oops I fell asleep have to continue later' I have this odd rule about not 'playing' until it gets dark outside lol.

    Trouble is I am running out of things to suggest I am doing. I did hint towards me straddling him not wearing anything under my dress but couldnt quite bring myself to 'do' whole face sitting thing (which I know he would do I just cant get my head around it so describing it telling him what to do etc is a bit tricky.

    So if anyone has any thoughts as to other things I can do to make it seem as though I am taking even more control I would be most greatful. He may not actually get in contact as I know he is out for NYE but just in case he does. I know he is not massively into humiliation so the whole licking up cum is probabaly not an option and as I say its only over text but if anyone does have any thoughts...

    I did think about asking him to take photos and send them but am not entirely sure he would do that and plus its not practical in public. Also as we are not in a romantic relationship and not really in any kind of commitment (its just fun every now and again and actually this is the first time in quite a while) there are limitations.

    thanks in advance

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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Is this the guy you first played with, Maria? If so, my suggestion is to text him today and tell him that he's going to be spending NYE with you. Tell him when to be at your place, what he should be wearing when he gets there, and make it clear that you will not accept no for an answer.

    When he shows up (and I think he will, unless he's made a really strong commitment to friends to be some place), just spend a fun evening using him at your leisure.

    The reason I suggest this is that this sub, if it's the guy you mentioned before, needs to be put in his place. You're finding yourself as a domme, Maria, but you need to find more confidence that you can give orders and be in charge. He's a sub; he wants you to take charge of him. So try acting like there is no alternative for him except to do as he's told and show up. Genuine submissives LOVE that sort of thing (although some subs struggle to let go of their alpha male side).
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    Hi Sebastian

    Yes its 'the guy from before' and although a part of me would love to do that (although once I had him here it would be a mix of playing and also lying in his arms feeling close to someone - for that is what i really want lol) its just not gonna happen - not least of which because he has a table booked in a restaurant for him and a load of his friends and then has plans to go to a club. There is no way he is going to miss out on that just for a bit of fun with me.

    If I am being honest although he keeps telling me to take full control I am not sure he really means what he says. As you say if he REALLY did then the sort of scenario you just described might have entered my head too but it doesnt because i know he would not take it that far. Also if I said to him 'well you can go out tonight but I want you to text me on the hour every hour or wear a plug etc etc he just wouldnt. See part of my 'thing' is to be a little more cheeky in public - ie I would love for him to wear his collar (not so anyone can see it just so he and I know its there) to give one example but again he just wouldnt.

    He only sees this as a bit of fun - something/one to drop when 'the real thing comes along' - he wants BDSM to be part of his romantic relationship - something he does not want with me. I - because I still cant make the decision to say no I do not want to be used liked this, kind of go along with it (not very Domme like I know).

    Maybe its because of how he helped me get over some hurdles, maybe because I got to know him as a friend ( not having had many male friends in the past) and maybe at the the time because I felt he was possibly not looking for someone else (he was quite a big guy although he has now lost a shed load and looks amazing so it wont be long before he does find someone) I was happy to go along his route of the BDSM as he was helping me to become sexually active.

    Trouble is I know I still harbour romantic feelings for him although its definitely lessened and because I know he doesnt feel the same way and wont indulge me on that level I have to be careful. Man its so confusing lol.

    Anyway i'll see what happens - am pretty sure that as I didnt reply to him earlier (have had a mother of a migraine all day) he will have completely forgotten.

    One question before I leave you in peace - how do I detemine whether he is doing this because a) its something we both enjoy and can get something (if not everything) we want from each other and he wants to do it or b) he is doing it because he still reckons its part of the 'help' and there is nothing in it for him and thinks he is doing me a favour or c) worst of all because I am leading him to do it and he doesnt really want to at all - without asking him outright - as I am little scared of the answer.

    As always I really appreciate you taking the time to message

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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    How do you determine which scenario is the real one? Simple. Ask him. Have an honest conversation with him. Communication is key to virtually all successful relationships. Be honest and ask him to be honest. Risk getting hurt a little, because it can't be avoided.

    Maria, we've only chatted online--I've never met you--but I honestly think your big obstacle is confidence. You're a femdom, probably the rarest type of kinkster there is. Guys pay money for what you like to give away for free. I think what you need is a mentor, to help you develop your confidence. You're in London--have you thought about contacting a prodomme and asking if she'll meet with you and give you some guidance? You might pay for a session with her, or ask her to watch one of her sessions with a client.

    Also, if I haven't mentioned this before, google Bitchy Jones' Diary, and read some of her thoughts about femdomming. I think you might find a few helpful things to think about.
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    lol if only I could get good at it. Yes I am in London and no I havent though about contacting a prodomme but as I am more of a visual learner rather than reading up then maybe its worth doing - I mean I dont want to do anything too extreme but if I can make him believe I mean business (and I would love to surprise him lol) then it would be worthwhile. Maybe i'll google that Diary thing too.

    Many thanks


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