Beginning a 24/7 situation soon, Help/Ideas/Advice pls.

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by AnomMistress, May 3, 2010.

  1. AnomMistress

    AnomMistress New Member

    Hello all,

    I am moving to Oregon soon, from Arizona. I am moving in with this guy I met through my girlfriend. She is going to be unavailable for the first part of the summer, so im going to be staying with the guy for a month or so. Now, I am a lesbian, and very much in love with my girlfriend. But at the same time, I have very little experience with bdsm, which both me and my girlfriend love. So, it has been agreed on by all parties involved, that I should explore and get my footing with the guy.

    It is going to be interesting, as we will be living in the same room. There are some limits that my girlfriend has placed, such as him not being allowed to see me in anything less then underclothes. As I have been raped in the past, I have placed the limit that he shall sleep restrained in such a way as he will be unable to do anything to me in my sleep. Additionally, he shall be wearing a cb-3000. I had him mail me the keys to it almost 2 months ago, to prove he was serious.

    Anyways, I wanted to ask you all your thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc. I dont have much of an idea with him. The relationship wont be sexual, as another limit is no sexual contact. But at the same time, we have agreed that he will get supervised play times, where he is free of the cb-3000 but restrained. We have also agreed that we will do scenes, etc. But like I said, im short on ideas with him.

    Also, as far as the sleeping restrained. I do want to be safe from him, but at the same time I dont want him to be super uncomfortable. What are some ways that he can be renderd harmless, but not super uncomfortable? I was thinking perhaps a straitjacket, or a sleep sack... Im not sure. I also realize that he might need to use the restroom during the night, so weve agreed that he should be put to bed with a diaper. (Hes into humiliation)

    Ideas on the sleeping restrained, rewards i can give him, maybe some ideas on directions to go with his training?

    Thoughts on the situation?

    Ideas for scenes?
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Anom, so if I understand you correctly, you have very little experience doing bdsm. Does your male roommate have any experience with it? Because making him sleep in bondage is jumping into the deep end of the pool pretty quickly unless he's used to it. Of all the various facets of bdsm, bondage is right up there with pain play for the potential for things to go wrong, and frankly, unless this guy has the experience to guide you, you have no business putting him into that sort of strict bondage because you don't have the experience to know what can go wrong. In that sort of long-term bondage, the sub can start to cramp up, he can have a panic attack, depending on how you restrain him he might start having trouble breathing, he might vomit and begin to choke, and so on. These risks are lessened if he has experience with long-term bondage, but they never go away entirely. As the domme, you have the obligation to be in control at all times, and that includes knowing what sort of problems can arise and being able to deal with them quickly enough that the sub can avoid serious injury.

    From what you've said, you want to make this guy sleep in bondage because you need it to feel safe sleeping in the same room with this guy. That means you're not really in control of the situation, your emotional issues are in control. BDSM is predicated on the dom and sub trusting each other, and it doesn't sound like you can really trust this guy because of your own history. The fact that you were raped is a serious and legitimate issue, but it doesn't give you the right to impose something risky on your sub. In short, I think the sleep bondage is a bad idea. If you cannot sleep in the same room as this guy without putting him in bondage, the answer is simple; don't move in with him.

    If you are absolutely determined to go ahead with this plan, I think the straightjacket is probably your safest bet. It doesn't restrict his legs, so he at least has some ability to move around if he needs helps, and it doesn't restrict his ability to speak or breathe, so he is less likely to have breathing difficulties, and he can make noise to wake you up if he encounters difficulty. But remember that much of bdsm play is technically illegal for the dom to do. If the sub is injured or killed (and most of the bdsm deaths occur during poorly-supervised long-term bondage or self-bondage), you will probably wind up on the receiving end of a lawsuit or criminal investigation without even the minimal defense that you were experienced and knew what you were doing.

    Perhaps others on this list with more experience with sleep bondage than I have will feel that I am over-emphasizing the risks. But I think you need to seriously look at the risks you're taking. I have never tried to impose sleep bondage, in part because I don't have the experience to do it safely. I did supervise someone in a sleep sack though. The boy was experienced with long-term bondage and we put him into it. About two hours later he had to be taken out because of cramping. The thought of leaving him there for another several hours because I was too deeply asleep for him to wake me (and he was gagged) upsets me a good deal.
  3. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    I dont think sebastian is over stating it at all. There needs to be more information discussed before we can form an opinion on this situation. Sleep bondage can be very grueling for those who have little or no experience, and even for some who have lots of experience, if its with a new partner.
    Also, while im sorry to hear about your being assaulted, it sounds to me that you still have some trouble dealing with some of the emotional and psycological reactions to such and act. The fact that your seem to be structuring your discipline and bondage choices based on the fear derived from your past assault, tells me that this may not be the best method to go about it.
  4. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Your girlfriend is okay with you exploring bondage with this guy instead of with her?!
    If my master had tried to pull that off, I would have been furious and the relationship would probably have ended (and vice versa)

    now wait a second...

    why would you want to be in a non-sexual D/s relationship?
    That seems boring.
    I mean, what would you even make this guy do? Housework?
    What do you want your girlfriend to do when she becomes your sub?
    Why dont you just explore it with her, since she's the one you're actually attached to. There's nothing wrong with long distance bdsm, my master and I do it when we can be physically together.

    I dont really see the enjoyment in dominating:
    a. someone you aren't physically or romantically interested in
    b. wont be having sex with or sexual contact with.

    if he's a sub why would he even be trying to do anything to you in your sleep? Is he a molester? Are you are so hot that men and women simply can not keep their hands off of you?
    Last edited: May 3, 2010

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