How can I help her?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Lykos, Oct 5, 2010.

  1. Lykos

    Lykos Member

    Click here for more.
    I suppose I should start this off by saying that I am already taken. I am devoted to my fiance in that oh-so-rare way. Partly that is why I am here, she saved me from a suicide attempt when we were complete strangers and even as our relationship developed and we began opening up sexually (I was a recovering zoophile and she had been raped) I still felt like I owe her. Ive done everything to make her happy and she is happy, but now I'm at a university and she is at home. We only see each other once a month. This seperation has started bringing out her more brutal wants. Her main fetish is biting, she loves to bite my neck and I know she likes the taste of my blood. She can't seem to pierce my skin though with her teeth. I want to help her if I can.

    She has also (due to my submission to a canine) developed a want to fuck me with a dildo. I as a male enjoy anal stimulation immensly and she loves to finger me while I pleasure her. Is there any way to increase her dominance over me? I am very tolerable with pain so I can take a lot from her, but please no suggestions of bringing in another or multiple partners, I am a sub but I am her sub and hers only.

    Please don't bash me about the beastiality, I'm not proud of it and will never go there again.
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Click here for more.
    As far as increasing her dominance over you, there are a lot of possible options, all depending on what you and she enjoy. She wants to use a dildo on you, so that would be a good start. There's a good thread on this forum about anal sex (under Fetishes), so read that for some suggestions about how to get started. Once you guys have gotten going on that, buy her a strap-on so she can peg you aggressively.

    Verbal play is very good for increasing the sub's sense of domination. She might, for example, call you names or insult you. If, as many male subs do, you enjoy being humiliated, you will begin to feel very dominated by her, especially if she does it while she's pegging you. I often taunt my subs about how pathetic they are for enjoying what I'm doing to them. For example, she might say something like "I don't even have a cock and yet I'm the one fucking you!"

    For the periods when you two are separated, try asking her for orders for you to fulfill. There's a ton of things you guys can do here. She might tell you how to dress. She might order you to work out so you'll look better for her (and honestly, my feeling that is every sub out to do everything possible to look as hot as possible for their dom, although what a particular dom finds sexy obviously varies. So if you're not buffing up, you should be unless she doesn't like that). She might forbid you to masturbate without her permission and then make you beg for permission. She might order you to do something humiliating (like write on yourself with a magic marker) and then send her a cellphone picture proving you did it. She might require you to call or text her at a set time, just to show your devotion to her.

    If you two get into biting and blood play, make sure that you and she read up on the safety basics of it, because there are things that can go wrong. The human mouth is actually fairly septic, carrying a good number of things that can cause serious infection if they get in through a skin break, and there are also infections and things she could pick up from your blood. And obviously once you're bleeding, you need to be able to stop the bleeding. These aren't reasons to not pursue this type of play, just things you two need to be aware of so you can take appropriate precautions.
  3. Lykos

    Lykos Member

    Click here for more.
    Thanks for the tips, I'm new to this sort of thing and I was honestly a little intimidated by this site. Glad that there are people to talk to.

    Anyways, in response. I sent her the link on blood play and I am well aware of the risk of infection from that sort of wounding. We go through a very calming ritual after I am bitten where she fixes me up with bandages and anti bacterials. She is very caring to my well being. Also she is not always my dom, just when we get in the mood for some rough "playtime". Is that unusual? In life we function as an ordinary couple, neither of us wants to go to far with the other.

    As for the verbal submission and humiliation, neither of us are big fans (past experiences are a bitch like that). She does enjoy talking dirty and I guess I can start telling her how much I enjoy her fucking me and such. Thank you for the anal play tips, we already started and she has gotten me to accept four fingers without too much pain so we are moving into a strap-on at the end of the month.
  4. AnErieGuy

    AnErieGuy Member

    Click here for more.
    FYI bro, you're into a community that accepts those who like everything, long as you're not doing ritualistic sacrifices, you're fine! I stil fantasise about beast play, it's kinda hot, I don't have the balls to do it, but it's a sexy aspect of animals if you will. Just relax, don't be ashamed of what ya did, it's in the past, you had your fun, it's like a hippy who smoked dope for ten years and finally stopped, like Willy Nelso-.... oh right. Anyways, seriously, don't bash yourself for exploring different kinks, illegal it might be only becuase we live in a christian nation, jeez lol.

    But yeah, everything Seb said(somehow he gets up and posting before anyone else here >.>) is valid and should be taken into consideration :3 What might help is having a position/form to take while in her presence at home, like a bowed possition, a kneeling one, maybe an exposure one to show off ya bits. For when you don't do it, all hell will rain down upon that sweet ass'o'yers xD(Gives her reason to just go balls to the wall on ya if you wanna feel the abuse.)

    I find that begging to please them is also quite a unique quality... beg to eat her, beg to kiss and carress her, don't make a habit of it, just every now and then, and as frequently as she'd say she'd want it done. :)

    Just my two cents as a switch ^.^
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Click here for more.
    Lykos, also about blood play, if she's going to be ingesting your blood, you should probably be tested for HIV and Hep, to make sure that you can't possibly infect her.

    Most people who do d/s play only do it in the bedroom. Some carry it outside the bedroom to some extent, and only a minority engage in 24/7 play, which is a fulltime dom/sub relationship. And even in 24/7 relationships, the dom is not dominant every waking moment. That only happens in porn. A person who was 100% dominant or 100% submissive and had nothing else going on in their life would be very boring and shallow indeed. So no, it's not strange that you and your gf only play d/s games on some occasions. BDSM is extremely flexible; there is no One True Way (and don't let anyone ever tell you that you're "not really doing BDSM"). About the only thing that all d/sers would agree on is that BDSM involves some form of power exchange and that it's hot to do it. There isn't even universal agreement on whether or not SSC should be a standard.

    By the way, have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? It has a lot of good stuff you should know and think about.

    The community here is fairly accepting of unusual desires. One very common idea among the kinky is Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Ok. That said, I think most of us on this forum would agree that there are a few thing that are not Ok, such as truly non-consensual play (i.e. rape or pedophilia) and doms who take irresponsible risks with their subs. I feel that bestiality falls into non-consensual play, since animals, like children, are not capable of giving informed consent. I won't shame you for having done it, especially since you seem to have decided it was not a good thing (and I don't believe in shaming people for past mistakes), but I am willing to say that I think you shouldn't do it.

    Begging is very hot, especially if the sub is truly desperate for what he's begging for. If you want to use begging to heighten your sense of control, ask your gf to forbid you to masturbate for some period before your next get together. If you cum without her permission, she gets to punish you in some fashion. Then, when it's time to play, you'll be desperate to touch your cock (or for her to touch it), and you'll do whatever she asks to earn that as a reward. When I want to be really mean, I tie my boy up, forbid him to cum without permission, and then start stroking his cock. Boys can get amazingly desperate to not cum in a situation like that (which inverts their normal relationship to cumming). One boy I did that to had the most intense orgasm I've ever witnessed, spraying (not spurting) and hitting the headboard three or four times.
  6. Lykos

    Lykos Member

    Click here for more.
    Thanks, both of you for your support and advice.

    @sebastion. Yes, I have been tested for HIV and am negative for it and hepatitis. My fiance is my first and last so no std's from others. I just informed her that I am puchasing a strap-on and begged her to use it on me when it comes in (it's going to her house) so that should make me nice and sore. Great tips on all fronts.

    @AnErieGuy. Beast play was hot for me for a while, so I tried it. Problem is as sebastian said, non-consensual, and not just for the animal. I initially thought it would be fun to be bound while doing it but when you find it to much to handle, there is no safe word. A cautionary tale for ya. Regardless, thanks for helping me understand some aspects that, as a newbie, I was ignorant of.
  7. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    Click here for more.
    Bondage is always good to demonstrate control. Additionally i think sensory deprivation is a very simple yet effective way to show who is in charge. I mean if you are bound/blindfolded etc. she is clearly the one in charge. That is if you are into bondage at all ofc. :)

Share This Page