FWB, think I'm in love with my "master", advice please

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by LeavingJoanne, Jan 23, 2013.

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  1. LeavingJoanne

    LeavingJoanne New Member

    I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, or shouldn't be posted, please feel free to move/delete.

    I'm pretty new to all this, and it is not something that has affected me until recently. So I met a guy. At first I thought he was really cute and sweet in a kind of puppy-ish way, although he's tall and handsome he's also a bit of a geek, in a way I like (he kinda reminds me of the guys from 'the big bang theory' if you've ever watched that show).

    We got into a sexual relationship, and I'm not sure how, but it quickly became like a master/slave thing, where I have to do everything he says. It's a new expereince for me. He tells me to clean his apt wearing just my underwear, he makes me sleep at the foot of his bed and cook him breakfast in the morning etc etc. He likes to tie me up a lot. He goes down on me a lot too, which I love, because I know he is doing it because he wants to, not because he expects anything in return, because he can just demand anything he wants from me anyway, y'know?

    He never hurts me, he's much bigger than me, and he 'manhandles' me, but he is never violent. He's actually very sweet, he has bought me flowers before, and we always kiss and cuddle after shagging, and he says nice things to me. When I was ill, he took care of me for a couple of days.

    So that's the good. Now the bad - he tied me to a chair once, and made me watch while he had sex with another girl. She was taller and younger than me and really pretty (don't know who she was or how he knew her) and tbh I was quite devastated that he would do that to me. I know that he felt bad about it after, and he told me that I was still "his favourite girl". But yeah, that upset me.

    Now, my problem is that I'm falling (have fallen) for him, and I don't know what to do. I'm worried that if I tell him or talk to him about it, it will scare him off and he won't talk to me anymore, which I couldn't bear. I don't want him to feel obligated to me when we both got into this as just a bit of fun. Equally, how could we ever have a 'normal' relationship? Is it possible? Would we still be having a master/slave relationship if we have kids?

    Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice? Thanks.
     
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  2. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

    What can you live with?

    A couple of things could happen:

    1) You don't tell him. You stay in this relationship as you are now. As a consequence you remain unsure about his feelings for you and whether or not they're as deep as yours for him.

    2) You tell him. He doesn't feel the same way. Two things could happen, you could stay with him even though you now know he doesn't feel that way about you. Or you can leave him and look for someone who does.

    3) You tell him. He feels the same way. You're more sure and certain about your relationship and where you both stand in it.

    There's a lot of shiney words people can give you about this sort of situation. The fact of the matter is they're not in your shoes so they have the benefit of not facing the consequences of their advice. You need to separate yourself from your emotions and really look at them. Weigh the different possibilities against each other and then go with your gut.

    Would losing him if you know he doesn't love you be terrible? Would finding out he loves you too be worth the possible risks? Is living with the illusion of love better than living without it?

    In the end you just need to go with the choice you can live with.
     
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Darknova's analysis of your options is pretty good, so let me focus on something else. Communication is key to a successful relationship, and is especially critical to a successful BDSM relationship. If you two aren't discussing basic things like your limits, then there are fundamental problems in the relationship, and things are likely to keep going wrong. You need to start talking more openly to him.
     
  4. Personally, and this is just me. I'd tell him just because I couldn't live with not telling him. But if you do tell him you do run the risk of losing him which could be very scary for you. It's all about what you can live with.
     
  5. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    My three cents due to inflation:

    I personally let the Top/Dom I am with know that I am exclusive, it's a hard limit for me and I need the same from them. While it is a common enough practice, that does not mean you have to be ok with it, just like any other kink. You're allowed limitations.

    Sounds to me like if he is bringing you flowers and caring for you while you're sick just maybe you're not ONLY a BDSM relationship to him either. Not saying this never happens but maybe he is as nervous as you are about the outcome if he brings it up.

    And slave or sub or humanbeing, in the long run it's better to know where you stand.
     
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