Dominance/submissiveness as an escape

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by RS1981, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    For me personally, my dominance in relationships feels like an escape from my everyday life. I tend to find myself being sort of submissive outside of relationships so my dominance in them sort of helps me find confidence. I'm tired so I may not have worded this how I wanted, but does anyone share my views?
     
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I frequently consider expressing my dominance to be a welcome relief from having to treat everyone around me as equals and with courtesy. It's nice to have a space where I can focus on my needs and except them to come first. Often when I play, I work this idea into my dialog with the sub. "Feels good to be able to stop pretending you're a real man, doesn't it?" The subs always agree that it does (but then, what sub is going to disagree with his dom at that moment?), and in general they seem to embrace the idea of being submissive as a relief from the emotional pressures of daily life. So I'd say that a lot of doms and subs share your general attitude here.
     
  3. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    It's good to know I'm not alone. It's a very good stress reliever. I know one of the major rules of BDSM is to never do it as anger management, because that never ends well. Stress relief is different I suppose because there isn't the same type of energy behind it. I was curious if my point of view was normal, I'm glad it is.
     
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  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    The way I think about it is that it's like being gay. I can act relatively straight, keep from speaking about my gayness, and so on. I'm generally quite open about being gay, but there are some subjects I just can't discuss with most straights because it would shock them to hear that I've engaged in sex parties, gone to a bath house, and so on. So when I'm with other gay men, there's a comfort to knowing that I can talk openly about myself if I choose. (And, btw, while it's not PC to admit this, gay men really do talk about sex a lot and most have a good deal of it, because we can.)

    BDSM is like that, only worse in some ways because it's less socially acceptable. I don't have to express my dominance around vanilla people, but it feels good to simply let my dominance hang out. I can hold back from calling a guy 'boy', but it's nice to simply be able to do that when I want to.
     
  5. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    I understand that completely, my best friend is not totally gay though, he's bisexual and he constantly talks about sex whether I wanna hear about it or not lol. So needless to say nothing shocks me anymore. On one hand I feel like people need to let go of the PC bullshit and just let people live as they see fit. On the other hand it's the fact that it's taboo that is partially what's so tantalizing about it.
     
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  6. Redhead90

    Redhead90 New Member

    well as they say history repeats itself and it is slowly becoming less taboo as it once was. and yes Master there isnt much to say about him lol
     
  7. Likely

    Likely New Member

    I wish talking about sex was more common. I thought I was weird for too long.
     
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  8. RS1981

    RS1981 Member

    Yeah it's pretty common for me now too, when I was a kid I was pretty typical, always giggling and blushing when I heard sexual words lol.
     
  9. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

    I'm just a freak. I like to have fun in bed and BDSM is a fun game to me.
    My wife actually gets therapy out of it. I can feel the tension just melt away from her body. She still is totally uptight and if not for BDSM, I'd have probably done her in and been out by now (kidding of course).
    I still have to initiate play most of the time so that she doesn't have to accept responsibility or acknowledge in her own mind that it was her idea. She admits she loves it but she still needs me to love it more....so that she's off the hook. No problem.
    She used to take Paxil (bad shit!) but is pharm free, I believe, because I got her into BDSM.
    She's from a conservative family. All very uptight (1. displaying tense repressed nervousness, irritability, or anger. 2. unable to give expression to one's feelings, personality, etc. 3. Rigidly conventional, as in manners, opinions, and tastes.)
    My wife blurted out once that her prize possession is her handcuffs. Hallelujah!!!! Talk about a breakthrough!
     
  10. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Terrible, it's fairly common for subs to be reluctant to express their desires until they are unable to resist. She's lucky to have found you.
     
  11. TerribleT

    TerribleT Member

    LOL! I'm the sub Seb!;)
     

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