What's wrong with it? It refers to a specific dynamic.
I am aware.
Elegant, the phrase 'daddy's girl' (or in the gay community, 'daddy's boy' is a very widespread term for a particular type of power exchange relationship.
Exactly. And that's why I dislike it so much.
They designate relationships in which the sub yields some degree of real control, but not as much as a slave does. There may be a significant age differential between daddy and boy/girl. The relationship generally has a lot of room for affection, whereas a master/slave relationship is often somewhat harsher. The boy/girl may be resistant or bratty on occasion, thus requiring the daddy to inflict discipline. In some cases (more so with girls, less so with boys), there may be an element of age play involved, in which the sub dresses up as a child or teenage.
Again? I don't really understand where this is coming from, but the fact that I don't like the term does not stem from the fact that I don't understand what it is referring to. In fact my understanding of its connotation is probably why I don't like it. I was referred to a "daddy's little girl" once in a half-sexual half-joking sort of way once and I almost threw up in my mouth. If I had a cock, it probably would have inverted into my body and ruptured my bladder or something.
Obviously, the term has hints of incest and child molestation lurking in it. For some couples, that is intentional, and they may play out incest or molestation scenes.
Indeed. And while I certainly don't wish to slap a label of derision on those sorts of fantasies, as we are all a little fucked up if we're on this forum, those are the antithesis of things I think about during sex.
I know I don't speak for all of you, but S&M is a sexual thing for me. I realise that many of you incorporate it into your mundane daily lives somewhat (I actually wish I could do this more but my partner isn't up to it) but for me it's usually something that only ever happens when I'm getting fucked. Now my desire to incorporate it more into my mundane life, I should probably clarify, is derived from the desire to incorporate more sexy rumpus into my daily life, not from a desire to have less freedom and more control. If my partner was to demand that I carry all the groceries for him whenever we go out because I am his little whore and he can do what he wants with me, I'd probably object.
Stop. If you thought to yourself "Oh Elegant you're obviously what we in these parts refer to as a "daddy's girl," I must verbally protest and shake my angry fist at you. Let me lay down a list of what that aspect of my attitude towards S&M does and does not tell you about me, or it should tell you about me.
What it DOES say:
- In aspects other than the sexual, I have a dominant personality, and I probably assume leaderships more often than not.
- The slave/master relationship is less set in stone, and I am therefore more likely to stray from it if the mood suits me. This could either be on a "nah I don't feel like doing that" basis, or it could be on a "tee hee I'm so bad you should spank me" basis. I'll let you in on a secret: I love being spanked.
What it DOESN'T say:
- That I desire men who are significantly older than me
- That I fantasize about having sexy rumpus time with my father *wretch*
- That I would enjoy going back in time to my younger years and getting diddled by a paedofile
- That I dislike or am hostile to the idea of a typically "harsh" punishment or treatment
- That I am a spoiled brat
- That I enjoy dressing up in clothes typical of a younger age group
So if it has more point in the negative than in the positive, it's an inappropriate term... and not just because it makes me want to hurl.
Now, if you didn't think to yourself that I qualify as a "daddy's girl", then please tell me what you think I am because I've never heard another term used that I thought accurately describes me and others like me (I know they exist I've met them before)
Now this term is prevalent, but I think it's more prevalent than...
But most of the time, those are not factors in the relationship.
Oh good I'm glad you said that. I'mma go ahead and assume that's because fetishes towards child molestation and incest are not what people would consider "common" to the BDSM community, unlike say leather, usage of toys, biting, and whips.
So why is this term so in my goddamn face all the time? It's being used to describe something so broad; something with so many facets, when it should be used only for some very (your words, but my thoughts exactly) isolated niche of the BDSM community. There needs to be something else to describe people like me.
Vanilla doesn't work (aside of the fact that it's vaguely insulting as it seems to be used by some people to exclude others from their little insular "kink" groups) because I've been in relationships with people who I wouldn't consider vanilla, people who liked the idea of sex in public places with the potential of getting caught an aspect that turned them on, people who enjoyed anal sex, and so forth, and yet they were intimidated and "weirded out" by my desire to be abused. Nor is it effective to consider people as being "shades" of vanilla because how do you quantify that???
The slang just isn't for me. I don't like it and I wish it would go away unless referring to that niche I mentioned before. Bugs me. Pet peeve, ya know? Like how people say "I could care less" when they mean to say "I COULDN'T care less." Annoying, right?
ELEGANT! *whip crack* Your post is too fucking long!
TL;DR Version:
Despite those overtones, the term is very deeply embedded in the BDSM community.
This is why I hate it.