Difference in erection ???

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Her-sir, Aug 21, 2012.

  1. Her-sir

    Her-sir New Member

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    I've searched but didn't come up with anything.

    I made the switch from vanilla to Dom about a month ago and have noticed a drastic change in my erections.

    A little backround: I'm 40 and while vanilla we were averaging 2-3 times per month. For the last month we have had a couple days that were once per day, Some that were 3 but for the most part twice per day. Zero days off.

    I am finding it next to impossible to cum from vaginal sex and only slightly more likely to cum from oral sex. I usually have to finish myself off if I cum at all and I'm OK not cumming every time.In addition I'm finding it somewhat difficult to maintain an erection during a whole session, This part doesn't concern me as much since she can always get it back for me without a problem.

    I know attraction to my wife/sub isn't the issue. She's far more attractive than I am and eager to please.

    I know as a new Dom I find it mentally challenging but in a good way. Shooting from the hip during a session vs planning all day helps some.

    My thoughts are that I might be over thinking things or just over working my dick.

    Has anyone else experienced this?
  2. River

    River New Member

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    Maybe you're just out of your usual comfort zone, since you made the switch recently.

    If you did plain old missionary every time, you could finish in minutes, but this isn't necessarily desirable. You're changing it up and making it complex and challenging, but hopefully more fun.

    You said shooting from the hip was easier, maybe that's because it feels more natural to do what you feel in the moment. Maybe if you keep this up, improvising will get easier and you'll find it easier to focus.

    I am far from being an expert-- just joined a few days ago and have always been pretty vanilla-- but this is my gut feeling on your experience. I'd be interested to hear if others agree with my take.
  3. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Perfectly normal.. Perfectly healthy
    Stop worrying. You sound completely normal to me. There are three things to keep in mind.

    1. It's harder to cum when you already came. That's why some guys like to "rub one out" before going on a date with someone they feel is really hot. It keeps them from pre-mature ejaculation if they get lucky.

    2. When focusing on the mechanics of what you're doing to your partner, especially during setup, we sometimes loose our erection.

    3. Depending on your activity level, diet, exercise, and genetics your testosterone level start to get lower right around 40. If in doubt, get it checked, but I doubt you need to.

    The most important thing to remember is that you don't have to cum every time you have a session. Sometimes it's better to wait till you're really done. It takes some getting used to, but to me it's really better to be able to keep going, enjoying every last minute you can, and allowing her to also. I'm not talking about holding for days but certainly hours, or maybe waiting till the next morning.
    I suggest that you practice not cuming, getting right up to the point you would and then back off (by yourself). After you get the hang of it, you'll feel like your having multiple orgasms. Your refractory period is based on ejaculation, not orgasm. Read up on this, so I don't have to write it all.
    It's kind of like hard candy. Some like to bite and chew it up as soon as they can, others like to enjoy it all day.

    Hope this helps.
  4. Roland

    Roland Member

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    If you smoke or drink, that can severely impact your erectile function, especially when you get older. If you like to smoke, switch to e-cigs. They are awesome. I smoke the southbeachsmoke brand.
  5. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    My guy has the same issue. He has always been one to take a long time to cum but the older he's gotten the more time it takes. Even with hands or oral, he can take ages. He can feel like its going to happen but it just doesn't. It can be frustrating for him, I'm kinda used to it now. I can't remember the last time he came during penetration, he always seems to have to finish some other way.

    He does drink and smoke though so maybe Roland is right about that. If it doesn't bother you, or her, then I wouldn't worry too much.

    Oh and it started when he was about 40.
  6. Roland

    Roland Member

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    Your erectile function can be hampered for 4 hours after having a cigarette. E-cigs don't have nearly the same issues. He can still smoke, but when he is going to play, he should only use E-cigs for the preceding few hours, and he will be in much better shape. Drinking before BDSM activities I do not recommend.

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