Choking and bruising

sluttysub · May 10, 2010

This weekend my husband and I tried choking during sex (not half bad for a guy who didn't want to "hurt" me a couple weeks ago

). It was fantastic, but afterwards, I got to thinking, so now I have a few questions. For starters, we haven't yet chosen a safe word. This is simply because he has never before shown interest in anything that would take us to that extreme. For now, a simple "stop" or frantic grab would bring it all to a halt. I haven't wanted to bring the safe word up yet because we have been focusing on the dominance factor - the pain issue made him uneasy (although, I'm thinking he's ready for that conversation). Anyhoo...I obviously believe it is now necessary to have a safe word, but I'm thinking a safe toy would be best for a choking scene. Correct? And what about bruising? He brought me to the point were darkness was closing in around the edges of my vision before he eased up and I didn't get any bruising. How long would the choking have to go on before bruising would begin to take place? This is definitely not something I want to have happen, boy would people get the wrong idea! And when I say a 'choking scene' I don't mean choking until I pass out, but intervals of choking, easing up, choking, easing up, etc.

Thoughts? Concerns? Advice?

My Love My Lord · May 10, 2010

Choking is something that has to be done carefully, if at all. There's really no "safe" way to do this, and I suggest that he do some reading before trying it again. This is a common reason for accidental death in BDSM play.

As for bruising, I found that my neck doesn't really bruise. I usually just end up with the capillaries around my eyes ruptured so It looks like I have bad rosacia (sp?) around my eyes. I can usually cover this up with some concealer, eyeshadow, or explain it away by allergies. Unless someone knows what they're looking for in my case, most wouldnt guess. Also, I've found that if we do it too often, I have on several occasions started to cough up blood the next day. Not a lot, but enough to be interesting...

Precious · May 11, 2010

Choking always makes me nervous, I don't think I could do it, but if you liked it, please please please have him do reading and watching videos and all that before he does it again- please?

As for bruising, I think you can constrict someones airflow without like damaging the skin he'd have to like hold your neck HARD and in the right place if that makes sense

InnocentFacade · May 11, 2010

I like being choked but not to the point of any REAL air constriction.

Not sure how this was helpful . . . just thought I'd throw it out there.

Precious · May 11, 2010

Lol, Innocent. So choked like, just the hands tightly around you but you can still breath? Still dunno if i could do that. Little TOO much trust here for me. But i have major fears of death so

InnocentFacade · May 11, 2010

Yep, just a "love choke" hehe

sebastian · May 11, 2010

To address your first question, slutty, yes I think safe toy or perhaps a gesture (like three quick taps on his arm) would be wise. But remember that loss of consciousness can creep up quickly, so it's got to be something he will recognize or see and you will remember to do. And I agree--this is risky stuff--I think most people would consider it edge play. So if you want to do it, read everything you can find about it. Perhaps Sparrow can point you toward something specific.

Sado_Dom · May 11, 2010

This might help http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/...ategory=BREATH+PLAY&view_records=View+Records though I don't think there is much specifically with choking.

sebastian · May 11, 2010

Sado, thanks for that link. Wiseman's essay is a very sobering one. He argues that he and other sm-friendly medical professionals have been unable to figure out any mechanism to explore asphyxophilia that doesn't carry a serious risk of death. Not injury, death. That tells me that this is probably like unmonitored strict self-bondage, a form of play that is simply too dangerous to explore, no matter how arousing it might be when nothing goes wrong.

sluttysub · May 11, 2010

Points well taken everyone, thank you for all the advice. We will definitely be looking into this more. And thank you for the link, Sado.

I just want to clarify (I don't think I explained it all to well in my first post) that he's not choking me literally to the point that I can't breathe at all. I can, it's just very restricted.

Choking and bruising

sluttysub

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My Love My Lord

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Precious

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InnocentFacade

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Precious

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InnocentFacade

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sebastian

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