Choking and bruising

Discussion in 'Safety aspects of BDSM' started by sluttysub, May 10, 2010.

  1. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

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    This weekend my husband and I tried choking during sex (not half bad for a guy who didn't want to "hurt" me a couple weeks ago :D ). It was fantastic, but afterwards, I got to thinking, so now I have a few questions. For starters, we haven't yet chosen a safe word. This is simply because he has never before shown interest in anything that would take us to that extreme. For now, a simple "stop" or frantic grab would bring it all to a halt. I haven't wanted to bring the safe word up yet because we have been focusing on the dominance factor - the pain issue made him uneasy (although, I'm thinking he's ready for that conversation). Anyhoo...I obviously believe it is now necessary to have a safe word, but I'm thinking a safe toy would be best for a choking scene. Correct? And what about bruising? He brought me to the point were darkness was closing in around the edges of my vision before he eased up and I didn't get any bruising. How long would the choking have to go on before bruising would begin to take place? This is definitely not something I want to have happen, boy would people get the wrong idea! And when I say a 'choking scene' I don't mean choking until I pass out, but intervals of choking, easing up, choking, easing up, etc.

    Thoughts? Concerns? Advice? :)

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    Choking is something that has to be done carefully, if at all. There's really no "safe" way to do this, and I suggest that he do some reading before trying it again. This is a common reason for accidental death in BDSM play.

    As for bruising, I found that my neck doesn't really bruise. I usually just end up with the capillaries around my eyes ruptured so It looks like I have bad rosacia (sp?) around my eyes. I can usually cover this up with some concealer, eyeshadow, or explain it away by allergies. Unless someone knows what they're looking for in my case, most wouldnt guess. Also, I've found that if we do it too often, I have on several occasions started to cough up blood the next day. Not a lot, but enough to be interesting...
  3. Precious

    Precious Member

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    Choking always makes me nervous, I don't think I could do it, but if you liked it, please please please have him do reading and watching videos and all that before he does it again- please?

    As for bruising, I think you can constrict someones airflow without like damaging the skin he'd have to like hold your neck HARD and in the right place if that makes sense

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    I like being choked but not to the point of any REAL air constriction.

    Not sure how this was helpful . . . just thought I'd throw it out there.
  5. Precious

    Precious Member

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    Lol, Innocent. So choked like, just the hands tightly around you but you can still breath? Still dunno if i could do that. Little TOO much trust here for me. But i have major fears of death so

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    Yep, just a "love choke" hehe
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    To address your first question, slutty, yes I think safe toy or perhaps a gesture (like three quick taps on his arm) would be wise. But remember that loss of consciousness can creep up quickly, so it's got to be something he will recognize or see and you will remember to do. And I agree--this is risky stuff--I think most people would consider it edge play. So if you want to do it, read everything you can find about it. Perhaps Sparrow can point you toward something specific.
  8. Sado_Dom

    Sado_Dom Member

  9. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Sado, thanks for that link. Wiseman's essay is a very sobering one. He argues that he and other sm-friendly medical professionals have been unable to figure out any mechanism to explore asphyxophilia that doesn't carry a serious risk of death. Not injury, death. That tells me that this is probably like unmonitored strict self-bondage, a form of play that is simply too dangerous to explore, no matter how arousing it might be when nothing goes wrong.
  10. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

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    Points well taken everyone, thank you for all the advice. We will definitely be looking into this more. And thank you for the link, Sado. :)

    I just want to clarify (I don't think I explained it all to well in my first post) that he's not choking me literally to the point that I can't breathe at all. I can, it's just very restricted.
  11. Precious

    Precious Member

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    Again, just please make sure you be careful, even with restricted air flow there are dangers in it.

    Haha I think this one is so foreign to me since I already have a daily struggle of being able to breath my thought process is "why would anyone want to give up air!"
  12. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    Hey ss - This is a real hot button, but I'm glad you asked, since many just do it without thinking about what I'm going to tell you.

    First and formost - learn all you can about the mechanics and physiology of what you're doing. Here's a start

    Here is just one quote that I thought I would include for those that don't worry about the consequences.......

    "Asking how one can play safely with breath control is very similar to asking how one can drive a car safely while draining it of oil."

    --Mechanic says "Don't do that".

    "Well, I'm going to drain my car of oil anyway, and I'm not going to keep track of how low the oil level is getting while I'm driving my car, so tell me how to do this with as much safety as possible." (They may even add someting like "Hey, I always shut the engine off before it catches fire.")

    You starting to get it?

    It's not the passing out.... it's the cardiac arrest that is the real worry. Sometimes hypoxia can cause it even though you didn't pass out. Please read it.
    Pay attention to the terms acidosis, alkalosis, and especially PVC's.

    This is just one reference, but it's a good start. It also does not mince words about what you are doing.
    As WMA Guy says - Google is your best friend. Use keywords "edge play" and "breath play" and look around.

    Find a local CPR class and take it. I believe first aid and CPR are requirements for any person that ties another one up (may not make any difference in this case though). If you're in this for the duration, you should think about it.

    OK.... Now, I will assume that you have the proper respect for what you are talking about, and I have some suggestions that you might like. I've used this in sessions over the years without incident, but I consider myself very responsible and I put my sub first in whatever I do.

    First, if he likes to choke you with his hands around your neck, Seb is correct in that your window of opportunity to leave the bus is very small. He's gonna have to really watch it on this one.

    Find a long silk scarf to wrap "once" around your neck. Hold one end in each hand. You can do this in a number of positions but the easiest is sitting on top of him, or ass up. have him force your hands to tighten the scarf around your neck while he does you. If it gets to bad, or you start to pass out, your hands will release at least one end of the scarf. This works pretty well but make sure he is not forcing your hands around the scarf so that you can't release.
    This is probably the safest of all techniques I have come across because you cannot choke yourself to death under your own power. Again, make sure he is not doing anything to stop at least one of your hands from releasing, and make sure the scarf is free to move (not under your body weight).

    Second is my favorite. Have him tie your hands behind you sit you on top of him. As you ride him he should force you to lean in to him while he holds his hands in a capitol "U" around your neck (open but tight). As you lean in your own weight will work against his hands, choking you. If he wants to choke you more, he can let you come lower. If he wants to release a little he can push you back up (pushing his palms against the chest top) He can watch you closely and monitor you from there. If you start to blank our your body will slump a little and break the position and if you choke to much you can just turn your head to indicate that it's too much. This gets real intense so both of you should be aware ahead of time. The fact that you can get carried away, and that he is using his hands increases the risk of bruising here.

    Never let him tie a knot around your throat that can choke you, and don't do it yourself either. Whatever is used to choke you has to release immediately.

    You should really want to focus on the control part of this and not the near unconsciousness part. That's what I do.... I never push this to the edge.

    Don't do mouth and nose control. It puts all the control and responsibility on him. If he misses "any" queue, that could be it.....

    Rope leaves marks very easily. The thicker the material around your neck the less it can bruise you (pillowcase can work too).

    As long as the pressure from his hands is consistent around the whole (front) of your neck, there is not as much chance of bruising but be aware that in the summer months, any bruising that does happen will be harder to cover. A scarf is an easy cover-up in the fall or spring and the obvious turtleneck in the winter. If covering make-up is an option, please buy it ahead of time.

    You will get some bruising at some point if you do this kind of play.

    Make no mistake...... Things can go wrong real fast here. Make sure you both study as much as possible about this kind of stuff before you really incorporate it into your scenes. You can't know to much. People really do die from this, so respect what you are doing.

    Hope this helps.
  13. Precious

    Precious Member

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    L8night was pretty much through in it all! Good suggestions on how to play it too, let us now how it goes

    An idea for breath control I had, it's not as exciting as ya'know choking but he could always have you wear a corset-not so tight that it ruins your organs- but enough that you have to think about your breaths. That would be more of an every day thing and not really sex-in-the-moment thing but I think it might be safer, dunno its just an idea!
  14. sluttysub

    sluttysub Member

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    L8NightQ - Thank you so much for all the fantastic advice! I love your suggested techniques and will bring them up with my husband. We will definitely be doing more research before we try this again. While I love the feel of his hands around my neck and feel perfectly safe, there is no denying that we can get too carried away. All it takes is a moment for things to go wrong. For the record, we are both first aid and cpr certified (and I have no desire to do mouth and nose control). :)

    Precious - I SO want a corset! And to answer your previous inquiry, the reasons I enjoy the choking are two-fold. It greatly increases all the sensations I'm feeling, putting me over the edge, and the feel of his hands around my neck, the knowledge that he has full control is mind blowing to me. Put the two together and it's an amazing experience!
  15. Precious

    Precious Member

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    Slutty- I love corsets they are just so exciting and intoxicating to me! Unfortunately my mistress wants me fatter before i get a corset (Im like 20 lbs UNDER weight), I can see why it would be exciting enjoying the choking, maybe another thing he could do is hold you there by his hands, and use a (FAKE ) knife on your side and make you hold your breath. You have him in control, the sensation you'll get when you finally release that breath, and if you pass out, you continue to breath with no damage to yourself, im not saying DONT do the choking (not saying do it either but lol) but I'm just trying to think of other fun substitutes you can have so its not always the choking

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