Beginner breath play, fainting?!

jlllj · Apr 9, 2012

Hey guys. I'm a complete newbie to all this but been interested in bdsm for a while, have had fantasies, been reading about it and incorporating certain aspects of bdsm into my sex life.

Now one of the things me and my current partner have been doing is what I know a lot of even bdsmers 'look down' upon as too dangerous i.e. breath play. We've engaged in some 'light choking' quite often before. Today though I've realized the dangers of this when during sex I put his hand over my neck and he choked me for what (according to him) was between 1-2 minutes after which I pushed him off and broke down crying for about 3 minutes. I only remember putting his hand over my neck and then coming back into consciousness and freaking out majorly because I had no idea about where I was or what was going! He really freaked out about hurting me and it took me another five or so minutes to realize what has actually happened. I'm guessing I fainted (for the first time in my life) and came back to it very disoriented and confused and got scared. Now my questions would be a) what in the world happened and b) is there a safe way when it comes to breath play? I think what turns me on personally is the feel of someone's hand over my neck physically making me struggle for air so covering the mouth and nose wouldn't do. I realize perfectly well that the answer to this is probably a big fat NO, there is no safe way, but hearing first hand opinions of some experienced people would be nice.

What I think really freaks me out now is that always before when I got uncomfortable with the 'light choking' (and my partner never actually hurt my neck in the least, just cut off the air supply) I could always stop it but this time I lost my conciousness (eyes open) for 1-2 minutes second after the beginning of play! Scary.

JL

RopeRanger · Apr 15, 2012

jlllj,
There are 2 posts a little lower on the page cover the same discussion. The safety FAQ also has a section on breath play. I'm of the opinion that breath play cannot be done safely.

http://www.smplace.com/forum/564881-extreme-breath-play-question.html
http://www.smplace.com/forum/561324-strangulation-asphyxiation-led-to-convulsions.html

subarama30 · Apr 15, 2012

I love to have hands around my throat but the only 'safe' way to me is to have the strangulation simulated, in that he holds you with force but doesn't apply any really pressure as this can quickly turn from a turn on to 'oh fuck'! I have had times where I was so caught up in the moment I didn't realise that I was running out of air!

Choking you for a few mins is just too iffy in my opinion, so if you wanna go down this road I would suggest you stick to the above and tell him not to actually squeeze down but just hold firmly.

sebastian · Apr 16, 2012

Let me add my voice to the above comments. This is far more dangerous than you think it is. Don't do it.

DarkSavant · Apr 16, 2012

Even considering the laws by which we live and play..Consider SSC.....Safe.?...no it isnt..Sane.?..no it isnt....Enough said??

Smallest · Apr 16, 2012

It's not safe, but I'd say it's just as sane as most other BDSM things. Well, unless you pass out, then it's not any of the three.

I guess Sane's a matter of opinion though, sometimes.

sebastian · Apr 16, 2012

Smallest: yeah, sane is the hardest of the three to really evaluate, because it is so relative. SSC was originally just a phrase one author tossed out quite casually in one publication, and other people picked it up and ran with it, so it became the motto even though it hadn't ever been thought out at all and wasn't really meant to be a governing principle. That's why some BDSMers prefer concepts like Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) or Consensual Non-consensuality instead.

L8NightQ · Apr 24, 2012

jillj -

Your experience is why we have a section on breath play in the beginners FAQ. I'm sorry about what happened to you, but glad you took the time to post it for us.

I guess the best way to start this is by asking you to remember this;
"The most difficult questions we ask ourselves are usually the ones we already know the answers to."

There is nothing that says you had to come back when you passed out, and when someone chokes you to the point of passing out, you have both made a mistake.... Just ask David Carradine.

I'm with RopeRanger, DarkSavant, and Sebastian on this one. There is much more danger in breath play (especially your version) than you think. It goes way beyond passing out and coming back. Please take advantage of the references mentioned here post again after reading. I'd like to know what you think.

I know it sounds like soap box talk here, but I should admit to you that I have done it too, but simulated (nearly cut off) to enhance the feeling of loss of control at the point just before, or during orgasm, and never to the point of blood chemistry changes and passing out.
It's just to dangerous, when I have been trusted with total control over that person, to put them at that kind of risk.

And for any Doms that are out there reading this.... If you practice this, and don't understand the chemical and physiological responses to breath play and strangulation, (or even if you do) you could easily be putting someone else's life at risk. A death like this, even if you can prove consentual activity, will put you in a high security prison.

Glad you made it.... and glad you made it here.
Hope this helps.

Goddess_Jessy · May 22, 2012

It's not safe, but very interesting

lkdfjg · Jul 9, 2012

I love to have hands around my throat but the only 'safe' way to me is to have the strangulation simulated, in that he holds you with force but doesn't apply any really pressure as this can quickly turn from a turn on to 'oh fuck'! I have had times where I was so caught up in the moment I didn't realise that I was running out of air!

Choking you for a few mins is just too iffy in my opinion, so if you wanna go down this road I would suggest you stick to the above and tell him not to actually squeeze down but just hold firmly.

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Gafas Bvlgarigafas Carrera

Beginner breath play, fainting?!

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