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This is a bit tricky to answer without more info, but let me suggest a different way of thinking about the problem for you.
Right now you're treating this as "an S&M session". Your wife apparently likes domination in the bedroom, but not elsewhere, and she doesn't like roleplay.
So if you would like to get her "in the mood", why not treat your session as "vanilla seduction"? Do the stuff that Cosmopolitan Magazine tells men to do to get a woman in the mood.
In other words, plan a conventional, romantic evening that will (possibly) transform into an interrogation session once you progress to the bedroom. Do a lot of kissing and cuddling - some nice music, buy her flowers, etc. Make her feel special. By all means have a glass of wine, but I would suggest taking it easy on alcohol because you will need to have a clear head.
If it all seems to be going well, and when you think it's the right time to move to the bedroom, hand her an envelope. Inside there are three objects (maybe some old keys you have lying around), and a note. Ask her to read the note. Here is a suggested text, but obviously edit it to suit your circumstances.
Darling,
I know you love to be dominated in the bedroom, and you know I love to play that game too...in fact I want us to play together right now. If you do too, I'd like you to take these three keys and hide them somewhere in the house. I'll be waiting in the bedroom for you. I'm going to do my best to persuade you to tell me where those keys are...one at a time...and you have to resist me. If you hold out for an hour, then <insert an appropriate treat>. But if you crack...if you tell me where the keys are inside that time you need to understand that I am going to fuck you in the ass until you scream for mercy, and then finish off by making you suck my cock until I come, and watch you swallow every drop.
I know you feel a little self-conscious about roleplay, but this time you don't need to do a thing, or say a thing. Your job is to stay silent. My job is to make the next hour a living hell for you. It's that simple.
If you accept the challenge, take the keys and hide them. If you're not comfortable with the idea, then let's just make love to finish off what's already been an amazing evening for me.
I want you to know I love you so much...and I really hope this game will make us both happy.
How does this sound? Obviously you need to choose an appropriate treat for her. It could be something as simple as making her favorite meal, or offering to wash her car. And I chose the ass-fucking for you...but you will probably have your own idea
Cheers,
Stanley
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