Suggestions & hello

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by troyds2, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. troyds2

    troyds2 New Member

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    Hello to all.
    I'm a new user to this site, & my wife and I are relatively new to bdsm.
    I only recently discovered my wife likes to be dominated.
    Although I've had an interest for a while now, I seem to have run out of ideas to keep things fresh.
    I'm mixing and matching what we do (spanking, nipple clamps, vibro, blindfold), but my imagination seems to have run out.
    We're not into extreme, just light d/s fun.
    Has anyone got any ideas please?
    My wife's not into role play or dressing up.

    Thank you
  2. Roland

    Roland Member

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    All of the ideas you have mentioned are purely physical. Talk to her about how she might want to be dominated mentally. Maybe a couple of days a month she has to be your slave for a day. Maybe have her wear a butt plug in public. Have her write "Troy's bitch" on a pair of panties.

    Some other physical things could be ice, candle wax, bondage, ass and mouth training, orgasm denial. The ideas are endless.

    Check the Newcomer's FAQ for more if you haven't already:
  3. troyds2

    troyds2 New Member

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    Thanks for that Roland.
    I hadn't thought of the psychological aspect, but I will give it plenty of consideration.

  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Also, think about role playing. Do a scene where you're an evil pirate and she's a captive, or you're an inquisitor and she's accused of being a witch. There are tons of others--whatever turns you both on.
  5. Roland

    Roland Member

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    He said is wife is not into role playing or dressing up :)
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Ah, I missed that.
  7. troyds2

    troyds2 New Member

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    Hi all. Sorry for the late post.
    I spoke to my wife about being dominated psychologically, but she doesn't want that, just to be dominated in the bedroom. She likes the physical rather than mental.
    I like the sound of role play, but my wife doesn't want to do that.
    It's difficult to find anything new. If I ask her if she has any fantasies, she says no.
    It's up to me to introduce different elements I think will please her, but I seem out of ideas.
    We've used ice before which she liked, hot wax was out though.
    Spanking we do & a bit of bondage. Nothing heavy, I'm not experienced enough.
    Where can I go next?

  8. MIRROR: Download from MEGA

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    Welcome to the board!

    I know you said your wife doesn't like roleplay, but "there's roleplay and there's roleplay".

    It's also important for you to get what you need from the relationship, and it sounds like you'd like to introduce an element of roleplay.

    A lot of people in the BDSM community can be reluctant about roleplay initially because they think they will "look silly", either dressing up or play acting something.

    So let's give your wife what she wants - physical pain. You can do that by "interrogating" her. Tell her to hide three objects around the house.

    You will interrogate her physically until she reveals each location. Because she can stop the interrogation by telling you where an object is, this doubles as a sort of "safe word".

    She really doesn't have to do much acting - in fact her goal would be to say nothing!

    Tie her in a position that she can tolerate for a while - like spread-eagled on the bed.

    Ideas for inflicting mild pain:

    - Use rubber bands to flick against her skin. Blindfold her so she doesn't know where and when the impact will come.

    - Use ice cubes on sensitive areas.

    - Place strips of parcel tape over her tummy or back, and rip them off like a sticking plaster. Take it slowly - build up the tension.

    - A good one I recently discovered is to use wooden barbecue skewers as a sort of "mini cane". You can hold one end, and flick the other against targets like nipples, or the backs of fingers. Again, using a blindfold produces a surprise for the victim.

    - If she really likes pain then try the Tazapper. My favourite toy because it's so safe, and impossible to get carried away.

    Any of this sound good?

  9. subarama30

    subarama30 Member

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    To be honest, nothing we can say is going to solve your problem. Everyone is different and it's your wife who knows what she likes so you need her to open up. She might not be able to verbalise her fantasies to your face but she will have them, everybody does in some form or another.

    If she can't tell you, tell her to write down what she thinks she would like to try. You cannot be a mind reader.

    As has been said before, a lot of us subs wish our Doms could magically know what we like and we also don't like to feel we are telling someone what to do as this takes away from the submission but when you are new to this, there is no escaping this part of the journey, she has to be clear about what she wants or you can't give it to her! Yes, you could go the trial and error route but why take so much time with the hit and miss when she could just tell you?!

    Oh and role play can seem cheesy but like Stanley says, it doesn't have to be like acting in a bad porno, you can tailor it to suit both your needs.

    In the beginning I was reluctant to open up about what I wanted my partner to do, this ended up frustrating us both. Now, I have to be really clear about what does and doesn't work so he at least has a starting point.

    Good luck.
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
  10. troyds2

    troyds2 New Member

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    Thanks for the advice. It looks like being the trial and error route. My wife finds it difficult to say these things. Maybe I could incorporate that into an interrogation play.
    Thanks guys
  11. troyds2

    troyds2 New Member

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    I was wondering about the psychological aspect, and how to make the build up to it good.
    I'm new to being a dom, and I'd like to learn how to be as good as I can to please my wife fully.
    How to set the scene, so to speak, to instil that sense of anticipation.
    We do text, read erotic literature, etc, but she only wants me dominant in the bedroom.
    How do I start before we get there, without being dominant, but retaining my position?

  12. MIRROR: Download from MEGA

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    This is a bit tricky to answer without more info, but let me suggest a different way of thinking about the problem for you.

    Right now you're treating this as "an S&M session". Your wife apparently likes domination in the bedroom, but not elsewhere, and she doesn't like roleplay.

    So if you would like to get her "in the mood", why not treat your session as "vanilla seduction"? Do the stuff that Cosmopolitan Magazine tells men to do to get a woman in the mood.

    In other words, plan a conventional, romantic evening that will (possibly) transform into an interrogation session once you progress to the bedroom. Do a lot of kissing and cuddling - some nice music, buy her flowers, etc. Make her feel special. By all means have a glass of wine, but I would suggest taking it easy on alcohol because you will need to have a clear head.

    If it all seems to be going well, and when you think it's the right time to move to the bedroom, hand her an envelope. Inside there are three objects (maybe some old keys you have lying around), and a note. Ask her to read the note. Here is a suggested text, but obviously edit it to suit your circumstances.

    I know you love to be dominated in the bedroom, and you know I love to play that game fact I want us to play together right now. If you do too, I'd like you to take these three keys and hide them somewhere in the house. I'll be waiting in the bedroom for you. I'm going to do my best to persuade you to tell me where those keys at a time...and you have to resist me. If you hold out for an hour, then <insert an appropriate treat>. But if you crack...if you tell me where the keys are inside that time you need to understand that I am going to fuck you in the ass until you scream for mercy, and then finish off by making you suck my cock until I come, and watch you swallow every drop.

    I know you feel a little self-conscious about roleplay, but this time you don't need to do a thing, or say a thing. Your job is to stay silent. My job is to make the next hour a living hell for you. It's that simple.

    If you accept the challenge, take the keys and hide them. If you're not comfortable with the idea, then let's just make love to finish off what's already been an amazing evening for me.

    I want you to know I love you so much...and I really hope this game will make us both happy.

    How does this sound? Obviously you need to choose an appropriate treat for her. It could be something as simple as making her favorite meal, or offering to wash her car. And I chose the ass-fucking for you...but you will probably have your own idea :)


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