Suggestions & hello

troyds2 · Aug 25, 2012

Hello to all.
I'm a new user to this site, & my wife and I are relatively new to bdsm.
I only recently discovered my wife likes to be dominated.
Although I've had an interest for a while now, I seem to have run out of ideas to keep things fresh.
I'm mixing and matching what we do (spanking, nipple clamps, vibro, blindfold), but my imagination seems to have run out.
We're not into extreme, just light d/s fun.
Has anyone got any ideas please?
My wife's not into role play or dressing up.

Thank you
troy

Roland · Aug 25, 2012

All of the ideas you have mentioned are purely physical. Talk to her about how she might want to be dominated mentally. Maybe a couple of days a month she has to be your slave for a day. Maybe have her wear a butt plug in public. Have her write "Troy's bitch" on a pair of panties.

Some other physical things could be ice, candle wax, bondage, ass and mouth training, orgasm denial. The ideas are endless.

Check the Newcomer's FAQ for more if you haven't already:

http://www.smplace.com/forum/23598-newcomers-faq-read-before-posting.html

troyds2 · Aug 25, 2012

Thanks for that Roland.
I hadn't thought of the psychological aspect, but I will give it plenty of consideration.

Troy

sebastian · Aug 25, 2012

Also, think about role playing. Do a scene where you're an evil pirate and she's a captive, or you're an inquisitor and she's accused of being a witch. There are tons of others--whatever turns you both on.

Roland · Aug 25, 2012

He said is wife is not into role playing or dressing up

sebastian · Aug 26, 2012

Ah, I missed that.

troyds2 · Aug 30, 2012

Hi all. Sorry for the late post.
I spoke to my wife about being dominated psychologically, but she doesn't want that, just to be dominated in the bedroom. She likes the physical rather than mental.
I like the sound of role play, but my wife doesn't want to do that.
It's difficult to find anything new. If I ask her if she has any fantasies, she says no.
It's up to me to introduce different elements I think will please her, but I seem out of ideas.
We've used ice before which she liked, hot wax was out though.
Spanking we do & a bit of bondage. Nothing heavy, I'm not experienced enough.
Where can I go next?

stanley_jeffries · Aug 30, 2012

Welcome to the board!

I know you said your wife doesn't like roleplay, but "there's roleplay and there's roleplay".

It's also important for you to get what you need from the relationship, and it sounds like you'd like to introduce an element of roleplay.

A lot of people in the BDSM community can be reluctant about roleplay initially because they think they will "look silly", either dressing up or play acting something.

So let's give your wife what she wants - physical pain. You can do that by "interrogating" her. Tell her to hide three objects around the house.

You will interrogate her physically until she reveals each location. Because she can stop the interrogation by telling you where an object is, this doubles as a sort of "safe word".

She really doesn't have to do much acting - in fact her goal would be to say nothing!

Tie her in a position that she can tolerate for a while - like spread-eagled on the bed.

Ideas for inflicting mild pain:

- Use rubber bands to flick against her skin. Blindfold her so she doesn't know where and when the impact will come.

- Use ice cubes on sensitive areas.

- Place strips of parcel tape over her tummy or back, and rip them off like a sticking plaster. Take it slowly - build up the tension.

- A good one I recently discovered is to use wooden barbecue skewers as a sort of "mini cane". You can hold one end, and flick the other against targets like nipples, or the backs of fingers. Again, using a blindfold produces a surprise for the victim.

- If she really likes pain then try the Tazapper. My favourite toy because it's so safe, and impossible to get carried away.

Any of this sound good?

Cheers,
Stanley

subarama30 · Aug 30, 2012

To be honest, nothing we can say is going to solve your problem. Everyone is different and it's your wife who knows what she likes so you need her to open up. She might not be able to verbalise her fantasies to your face but she will have them, everybody does in some form or another.

If she can't tell you, tell her to write down what she thinks she would like to try. You cannot be a mind reader.

As has been said before, a lot of us subs wish our Doms could magically know what we like and we also don't like to feel we are telling someone what to do as this takes away from the submission but when you are new to this, there is no escaping this part of the journey, she has to be clear about what she wants or you can't give it to her! Yes, you could go the trial and error route but why take so much time with the hit and miss when she could just tell you?!

Oh and role play can seem cheesy but like Stanley says, it doesn't have to be like acting in a bad porno, you can tailor it to suit both your needs.

In the beginning I was reluctant to open up about what I wanted my partner to do, this ended up frustrating us both. Now, I have to be really clear about what does and doesn't work so he at least has a starting point.

Good luck.

troyds2 · Sep 2, 2012

Thanks for the advice. It looks like being the trial and error route. My wife finds it difficult to say these things. Maybe I could incorporate that into an interrogation play.
Thanks guys

Suggestions & hello

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