MIRROR: Download from MEGA
I've been both a cutter (self-abuser) and a sub/mas.
Seems controversial perhaps. But, allow me to explain.
When you do it to yourself, at least for me, you don't know when to stop. There is no outside opinion that says... nope. Too much. Yes, I've been diagnosed with Major Depression and other illnesses... so, the scope of my issues goes further than that.
I started abusing myself because I thought masturbating was wrong. No... I have no idea how that thought got into my head. But, nurtured with a very dysfunctional family/genes... bad breakup with boyfriend and bam... self-injury.
Because of that past, I can't afford (emotionally speaking) to bind myself while masturbating... it's too much of a trigger. The last time I've done it... MANY years ago... I was actually stuck. And, almost cut off circulation.
And, therefore, my guy refuses (rightfully so), to inflict pain to the point of causing scars or drawing blood.
However, as mentioned in my profile... sex is very painful for me. I'm petite and my canal is actually bent (at an odd angle). You can imagine my discomfort with Pap tests (although some might actually enjoy that I gather).
So, ironically, I find it much easier to cum in restraints. And, I can't masturbate in front of my guy without them. I can... but it hasn't been successful so far. I think it helps me concentrate...
Cutting is a coping mechanism, designed to replace emotions, for severe punishment, to numb yourself. It takes over all aspects of your life... not just the bedroom. And, trust me, you do want to hide it from your significant other... rather than to teach them to embrace the journey with you.
I was ashamed for my boyfriend to see my scars. I'm thrilled (rightfully so), to have him see my submissive/mas side.
Two completely different things.
**By the way, cutting isn't a mental disorder. In my opinion it should be.. and, I know people are trying to make it that way. Right now, it's really only considered a symptom... pretty much of Borderline. Which is a bunch of crap. Not all Borderlines cuts and not all cutters are borderline**
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