really need some help

fchris17 · Oct 6, 2010

hi all,

ive just started out going to bdsm munches as i know im into bdsm but i still feel a bit different to the people going to them
the main problem is that i have never been turned on by sex, the only thing that turns me on is being a sub/slave with most of the activities relating to feet. in the vanilla world this is obviously a massive problem as i cant get involved with any girls unless i know before that they have the same tastes, even a one night stand or a fling is impossible

nearly all the people at the munches are into fetish gear, ropes, bondange, s and m etc which im not into at all which makes me feel still abit excluded.

how common is it for people who are into bdsm to not be into sex?? im even thinking of moving to london just because there are more munches to go to and maybe meet girls compatible with me.

any advice from people with simular tastes is much welcome.....in fact adice from anyone is welcome

sebastian · Oct 6, 2010

Sounds like you have a true fetish, something absolutely required for sexual pleasure. Most foot fetishists are bottoms, the ones doing the worship. Many tops like demanding boot licking and the like as part of bring dominant, but I've never heard a Dom who had to have it the way you do. You're unlikely to find a Dom who wants nothing but foot service in a scene.

My advice is to talk to a few doms and explain what you want and offer to sub for them as long as the scene involves a good deal of foot service.

fchris17 · Oct 6, 2010

Thanks for the reply. Not quite the answer I was hoping for but thanks for the honesty...although I am very interested in foot.worship I do enjoy the idea of subbing in most ways to a dom.....but I'm guessing most doms would also want sex??

sebastian · Oct 6, 2010

No. Many doms view intercourse as something distinct from bdsm. You can certainly find doms who will forego actual sex.

You might also look into hiring a prodom. If you're paying, you get to specify exactly what you do and don't want. Might be your best option until you find a likeminded partner.

Lykos · Oct 6, 2010

Definitly don't move. I maintain the philosophy, the person who most understands you in life will find you. It has certainly turned out that way for me and I'm sure there is someone in your area like you. Just go to clubs and ask around. If you can't find anyone exactly like you you should be able to find someone who will accept you and do their best to give you what you want. I'm not exactly an expert on the subject though.

sebastian · Oct 6, 2010

You might also consider counseling. There's little evidence that a fetish can be 'cured', but you may be able to develop some strategies for finding a satisfying sex life. You may find over time that you can broaden what arouses you by understanding what it is about feet that turns you on so much. For example, some foot fetishists find their desires humiliating, and therefore find humiliation play arousing.

And the BDSM community is very tolerant of fetishes. I did a scene a few months ago with a misophiliac. He was only aroused by dirty or torn underwear Che asked me and another Dom to burn his 80+ pairs of old underwear and taunt him while he begged us to spare them. I didn't find it arousing at all, but I did enjoy doing the scene because it allowed me to be dominant.

fchris17 · Oct 6, 2010

thanks 4 the advice.....im actually really looking forward to moving to london for some other reasons aswell.
i think from your advice i need to explore alot more about what it is about being dominated i like...my fetishes have definitly developed since i was a kid and im into more stuff the more i look into it.
thanks

sebastian · Oct 6, 2010

Check out _Different Loving_. It has sections on a lot of types of bdsm, including a good chapter on foot fetishes. It may help you understand the psychology of your desire.

A lot of foot fetishists remember a specific incident that showed them the attractiveness of feet. You have something like that?

really need some help

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