New sub, looking to discuss feelings

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Isabel, May 13, 2008.

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  1. Isabel

    Isabel New Member

    :)I am very new to BDSM, and have many questions about the feelings I am having after attending 2 play parties. I would like to talk with other subs to see if they had the same feelings and how they dealt with them.
  2. hopi

    hopi New Member

    New Sub Looking to Discuss Feelings

    Isabel - what type of feelings are you having??
  3. Isabel

    Isabel New Member

    I am great when we play at home, but my partner and I have gone to 2 play parties and when I see others being whipped or flogged or hurt in any way I become very protective and angry. Now I know that this is all consensual, I know both parties are enjoying the play, but it ruins the evening for both myself and my partner and I don't know how to get past it.
  4. hopi

    hopi New Member

    New Sub Looking to Discuss Feelings

    The first time i went to a play party i wanted to cheer and clap for the girls that were able to take that much pain knowing that they were happy to receive it and really probably needed it to be happy. Having said that - i have not experienced anything like what you are explaining.

    Couple questions...

    Are you playing with pain at home or just being easy and the thought of pain for you or anyone is something that upsets you?

    Or...are you playing at home with pain and just become protective of others when you see them (in your opinion) being hurt?
  5. Isabel

    Isabel New Member

    Yes we play with pain at home, nothing to severe, but we do. Mostly it's my protectiveness of others. I truly am disturbed by the sounds. In my head I understand it's all concentual, that both are getting pleasure from the experience, but i feel this anger that grows in me.
  6. hopi

    hopi New Member

    New Sub Looking to Discuss Feelings

    When you leave the play parties - does that anger stay with you or dissipate quickly??

    Is it just the "sounds" that trigger this anger - or is that just part of the whole??

    Perhaps you are not one to be involved in public scenes/play parties and are just more comfortable in the private setting of your own home. There are many couples who wish to remain private and never mingle with others in the lifestyle...however, if this is something that your Dom/Master enjoys, then there must be a discussion. He/She needs to understand where your head is at and more importantly, how this is affecting you which ultimately will affect Y/your relationship.

    If you are having ANY anger issues, i STRONGLY urge you to begin a discussion with your Dom/Master as this must be out in the open.

    This is truly out of the realm of anything that i have experienced...anyone else out there ever have any of these feelings??
  7. Isabel

    Isabel New Member

    I wish the anger did pass quickly when we left, but unfortunately no :(

    I'm truly not sure if it is the sounds that trigger things or if that just escalates my feelings. I compare it to looking at a traffic accident. I see something that disturbs me, am fascinated for a bit, then know I should look away because it disturbing, but even thought I look away I can still hear it, and no matter if I move away, or try to distract with other things, it's like my senses fixate on that thing that so disturbed me. I talk all the rational out in my mind, it's like a battle inside me, but as of yet I have been unsuccessful and getting past this.

    Yes my Dom (who is my boyfriend) knows and we have talked this to exhaustion. Neither of us can seem to find a resolution. Which is what brought me to post the issue here.

    Thanks for you comments
  8. hona1

    hona1 New Member

    During play with my master, I love the pain element. I actually can't enjoy sex without it.

    But I have to refrain from watching "hard" movies of other people doing it. I don't mind the normal stuff, just extreme pain that bothers me.

    I actually start to feel sickened that I enjoy something that causes pain. It's hard to explain. I feel really angry with myself and the people who encourage it. Sometimes it's almost enough to put me off.

    I think it's normal how you, and I, feel. It's just a natural need to care for others. That's probably why we're the submissive ones! Perhaps it's just best to try and steer away from anything that causes too much pain for others.

    I can't say whether it gets easier or not because I just tend to avoid things that make me THAT uncomfortable.
  9. Willywonka4u

    Willywonka4u New Member

    If something makes you that uncomfortable, then simply don't participate in it. I'm very much the same way. I love being the dominant one and dishing out some pain on a one on one basis, but I can't do it in public, and if I witness it, it makes me upset. So, I don't do these things. I keep it on a one on one private basis. For me, being the master, I feel a lot more at ease at it, I think simply because I'm in control of the situation.
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