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I found my wife/Mistress online in a non-BDSM forum. We clicked immediately when we spoke on the phone, and after we talked a few times I told her about how I was kinky and she was all for it!
My advice is find someone you click with, then gently let them know about your interests in a broad sense. If they can't accept this part of you then you can move on and nobody's feelings are hurt because you were honest with her from the beginning. I've made the mistake of waiting to tell in the past and it only leads to heartbreak and disappointment on both sides if you're both not on the same page.
Collarme.com is an option too as Smallest said. I think the main thing that made me not pursue a serious relationship through a BDSM site was that I had little in common on a personal level with anybody I talked to who was seriously into it.
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