help with writing a scene

Discussion in 'Guest forum' started by Unregistered, Jan 24, 2013.

  1. Unregistered

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    Hello folks! I am struggling writing a scene for a novel, and I truly hope someone can help me!

    A little background on the story:
    The Dom had a life-changing experience which leaves him more preoccupied than normal, and the experience is caused by someone the Sub knows, so he holds a bit of resentment.

    The Sub is feeling that her needs are not being met, and one night she meets someone else who satisfies those needs, but leaves marks (which she unsuccessfully tries to hide). The Dom questions the Sub for answers, and needs to decide on punishment. The punishment is for both the infidelity and the lying about it.

    My question/struggle is this:
    Can/Would the Dom also include himself in the punishment? And what I mean by this is, the Sub found someone to meet her needs because He wasn't meeting her needs (the Dom admits this to himself...he knows he has failed as her Dom in this situation). Would it be appropriate for him to admit this to the Sub, and would he adjust his punishment accordingly?

    The Dom is a caring man, and worked hard to build his Sub's trust. The life-changing experience has shaken that trust hard, and it's either going to crack and fall apart, or stay together.

    My other issue is I'm not sure what would be appropriate punishment for this. I'm open to ideas if anyone has any suggestions.

    I really appreciate any help anyone can provide, and I truly apologize if this is not the right avenue to ask this information. I don't practice the lifestyle personally, but I've always been intrigued by the powerful emotions it can evoke. I want the scenes I write to be as realistic and true as I can make them, and since I do not have first-hand knowledge, I wanted to reach out to the community for help!

    Thank you so much!

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    Hi there,
    You're starting with an interesing premise. In my novels I try to make the characters highly sympathetic, and my publisher actually commented that she even gets to like my Dominant Females - they don't come across as two dimensional bitches like in many other stories (her words).

    I think I do that by making them care about the sub, and having their own weaknesses be a factor in the story. This sounds just like the idea of your Dom thinking he's failed his sub by not meeting her needs. could you develop this idea? Let's call these folks Alice and Bob.

    One idea could be this. Alice has been "unfaithful" to Bob. Infidelity is a huge issue in any relationship, so (as you mentioned you're not into this scene anyway), try to forget that this is a BDSM couple and just think how two people would deal with infidelity in a "normal" relationship. Once you figure out how they will approach the problem you can translate their solution into a BDSM context. But in general both parties have to get their feelings out into the open and they have to forgive each other.

    Infidelity is seldom one-sided, so I think it makes sense for you to think about how Bob would "punish" himself, but at the same time fulfil Alice's needs.

    At the same time infidelity should not be rewarded. Novels often work best when they remain morally consistent. So if Alice was to be "rewarded" by being given a whipping or something like that it would not be morally consistent. The irony of a BDSM relationship is that subs enjoy being punished! So how do you genuinely punish a sub? There are ways to do it, but if you're not into BDSM you might easily screw up writing that kind of scene.

    What is the viewpoint for your characters? Are you telling the story from one of their viewpoints? Is there a way you can convey what each of them is thinking and remain consistent to your story telling style?

    Here's one scene idea that occured to me. It takes the form of a religious confessional.

    So let's assume that Alice's infidelity is out in the open. They've argued about it, and Alice assumes they have "made up", and is expecting Bob to be more understanding of her needs.

    Bob has hired a dungeon for the night. Alice obviously thinks it's a treat for her, but when they arrive Bob explains that she is going to be his confessor for the night. It will be she who has to decide his punishment.

    I tend to write extended, real-time scenes that drag out emotional reactions, so I don't know if this would work for you. But the way I would approach the writing would be for Alice to gradually realise the impact of what is happening, and this is expressed through her feeling about what she did to Bob by being unfaithful to him.

    Firstly, she is being placed into a role (as the "dominant confessor") where she really doesn't feel comfortable. You can position this as part of her punishment.

    But the real punishment comes as Bob begins his confession. Build up the ritual aspect...the great thing about a confession scene is that the reader (if they are Catholic, or have ever watched a few movies) more or less understands what's going on. Alice has not been given a script to play this scene, but because she intrinsically knows what happens in a confession she knows basically what to do.

    You could even have Bob write her a note that she reads when they arrive. This gives her basic instructions on her character, the clothes she will wear. Include the note in the story so the audience understand how Alice knows what to do. Otherwise they won't be convinced. The note should contain an explanation of the confession ritual...basically it's three stages...

    • Confession (say what you did wrong)
    • Contrition (say you're sorry)
    • Penitence (take the punishment in order for the "forgiveness" to work). In the weird and whacky world of Catholicism you get forgiven before you do the penance. Kind of like a credit card that you don't have to pay off till the end of the month.

    The whole Catholic ritual is so ridiculously perverted it's excellent raw material for BDSM writers :)

    A side note on clothing. If you're writing this for a fetish audience then make sure you describe the clothes that both characters are wearing in some detail. Leather is a dominant material. Latex and PVC are submissive materials. Nudity is submissive if the Domme is clothed. There are some basic rules you need to follow or you won't be convincing.

    So as the confession starts, Bob explains to "the confessor" how he's failed the woman he loves. This part can contain some really romantic sections. He can describe the first time they he fell in love with they discovered their shared interest in he's tried to fulfil her needs, but he hates to see her in pain. All that stuff. Remember he is not confessing to "Alice"...he is talking to her as the "confessor" character. So he will describe any thing about her in the third person.

    Example: "I remember seeing her across the room...with a group of her friends...laughing at something. Her smile lit up her face and then then she glanced over at me. I felt like she'd given me some of that happiness by just looking into my eyes."

    Even if your Dom is a tough guy in the rest of the book the setting of the confession scene allows him to reveal his inner emotions for this woman. It won't fall into the trap of being inconsistent.

    If you are able to describe Alice's viewpoint then you need to create the gradual dawning in her of how she's betrayed this man. But she has to keep acting as the cruel confessor and listen to him speak - this is also part of her punishment.

    So this covers the Confession and Contrition. Alice is now feelign really bad about what she did.

    So now Bob hands her a second envelope, along with a pouch. She reads the note out loud.

    "To be forgiven, slave, you must perform the act of penitence. Take the Discipline from this pouch and use it until your soul has been scoured clean."

    Bob takes the pouch from Alice's trembling hand. Inside is a leather flogger. Again, Catholics use these even today, and they are called "The Discipline". Penitents use them to beat themselves.

    Bob kneels in front of Alice and begins to whip himself with the flogger. With each stroke he utters the words..."I love my darling Alice more than life itself."

    Alice knows she can't just stop him right away. But each stroke he takes is like a dagger in her heart. She understands now just how much he loves her, and wants to make her happy. This punishment has been far worse than any physical beating she could have taken.

    I don't know how you plan to take the story after this scene, but also remember that in long term BDSM relationships there is a real loving bond between the parties involved. You can end this scene with a romantic, love making act without any inconsistency.

    Does this resolve your issue?


    PS. Feel free to PM me if you'd like somebody to review your story.
  3. Unregistered

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    Thank you so much for the very detailed information, Stanley, and offer to look at my story! I appreciate it more than I can express, really =)

    The novel is still in its infancy stage…I’m writing up my outline/scene list slowly as I learn more information, and this helps me move it forward. I’m telling it in first person, from the Sub’s PoV. I want the reader to feel every gut-wrenching emotion she feels…the elation, the joy, the sadness, anxiety, guilt etc. I had originally intended it to be third-person PoV, but I just found it too difficult to get into my Dom’s head and speak in his voice.

    The confession scene would actually play very well into a punishment for my story. I hadn’t considered bringing religion into it, but my Dom does have events in his past that have caused people to forsake religion, so that would cause the scene to be even more emotional/painful if he also had given up on it.

    I’ve come across a few other things that I’d love some clarification on, and if anyone has any information, I’d love to hear it! In this case, all knowledge is worth having…I’d rather know too much than not enough ^_^

    1. Is there a protocol/general-rule-of-thumb for hitting a hard/soft limit mid-scene? From what I’ve read and from what my gut tells me, the scene stops/pauses, and I imagine there is much reassuring and soothing from the Dom. But what happens next, particularly after hitting a hard-limit?

    2. Stanley, you mentioned clothing, and to be honest I hadn’t really considered wardrobe yet until I read what you wrote. I’m not writing for any particular fetish in mind, but I’d love to know more about how clothing plays a part in these relationships. If there is a website that details this, or if someone doesn’t mind explaining the basics, I’d really appreciate it!

    3. Recommended reading. I admit that my knowledge of BDSM is limited, although it’s growing every day as I find what I can online. Back in 06, I did read the first 3 books of the Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou (sadly my books got destroyed when my basement flooded, so I’m in the process of reacquiring them), and I read Fifty Shades of Grey, which is really what renewed my interest in the subject (although I found it to be more smut than BDSM…but it was enough of a tease to bring back my interest lol!). I’ve read the FaQs here on this site, but is there any other particular website or books I should look at? I’m open to both fiction and non-fiction as it will help me understand/interpret both the physical and emotional sides.

    I appreciate you taking the time to read this, and I look forward to learning more information as time goes on! Stanley, I will definitely PM you with my story, I’m open to any information you can share ^_^

    Thank you so much!
    Hopeful Novelist

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    Hi Hopeful,

    Let me preempt some likely comments from the other folk here.

    Within the BDSM comunity Fifty Shades is quite widely regarded as a poor example of MaleDom fiction. I, for one, only got through the first book, and the two biggest concerns I had were that the female lead was such a weak and two dimensional character, and the male lead seem to be an abusive asshole :) . Apparently this is because it's basically Twilight fan fiction.

    But there's no doubt that the popularity of the book has triggered a wave of interest in kinky sex, and as long as this is done in a Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC - a term you will encounter) manner then it should be a very positive thing.

    Let's get to a couple of your questions.

    While there are accepted trends in fetish clothing you'll find different people have different tastes. Leather is a very strong theme in the male gay BDSM community. But in Female Domination (FemDom) you might easily find a spanking scene in which the Domme is dressed in a business suit, or even naked.

    Is there a website that explains this? This very site has an excellent FAQ, and one of our community here called Sebastian writes some very insightful tips.

    You might also consider watching movies of your chosen genre - in this case it sounds like Male Domination.

    As long as you don't mind pirating the movies here are three examples threads:

    The third thread in particular has "schoolgirl" spanking scenes - which is a common roleplay scenes (these women are not actually under age schoolgirls, of course).

    You can use clothing as part of your story quite nicely. For example, when Bob meets Alice she might not have been "corrupted" yet. Perhaps his first act of domination is to get her to dress up.

    Corporal Punishment is only one form of domination. Bob might begin by making Alice wear "naughty" clothing under her usual work clothes. Corsets, for example. Stockings and garter belts. Fetish readers will want this kind of detail.

    Bob himself might not "dress up" for the domination scenes. Perhaps Alice wishes he would, and that might feed into her frustration, ultimately leading her to be unfaithful.

    "Fetish" clothing these days has become mainstream. It's common to see girls wearing leather-look jeans or "liquid leggings".

    I was in a hotel bar on Saturday night and I would say about one in five of the women there were dressed in an outfit that would work in a fetish scene.

    Does Alice start as a "conservative dresser"? Could Bob encorage her to overtly dress in more provocative ways? Does her more sexy look lead to her being approached by another man, and lead her into temptation?

    Tattoos and piercings are also heavily used in the BDSM community.

    But on the other hand this is a fetish that is increasingly common, and many people only dress in fetish gear in private. You need to make this decision early on about your characters and stay consistent in the story.

    If you'd like to read a female, first person PoV involving fetish clothing, here is a scene from a story I wrote a couple of years ago.

    It's a Female Domination story (and it's very early work from me), but hopefully it will give you some hints. It's free to read on this link...


    This is essential in any roleplay situation, and there's a lot of misconception for people who have not played in a scene.

    The most traditional safe words are the "red, amber, green" system.

    Red is the most important. It means "stop whatever is happening and let's talk for real". If a sub is begging a Dom to stop...that's just part of the scene - it's acting. But the Dom has to be able to know that for sure. Safe words allow this to take place.

    Green is used to say "I'm fine now...we can get back into the scene."

    I use a variation on that system. I use red and green, but I replace amber with "mercy". This is a word that fits more into the flow of what's going on.

    If I was, for example, using a flogger on a girl's back (I used to be a Dom, but I tend to be a sub these days), and I was gradually increasing the impact strength to test out her limits, if she screams "mercy" then I know I've reached it, but it's a word that's consistent with the role play. The word "amber" is a bit jarring to the flow of play, IMHO.

    Whether you use "amber" or "mercy" it doesn't mean "stop", and it does not "pause the roleplay". It means, for example "don't stop what you're doing, but that's as intense as I can stand right now".

    A sub's limits alse depend on how turned on they are. If they're more sexually aroused they may be able to take a higher level of pain or discomfort.

    There's a whole thread here on safe words, and that might be a good place to direct specific questions about safe words.

    BTW, if you'd like to check out my published stories I write FemDom fiction under the name Stanley Jeffries on Pink Flamingo...

    In particular I would recommend The Chastity Game because it tells the story from three, first person viewpoints, and also uses flashback a lot. It's only available as an ebook.

    I also write under the name Marcus Andrews for MaleDom, and my first novel in that genre is "The Slow Seduction of Claire MacDonald". It's published by Pink flamingo, but apparently it's a little "strong" for their site. You can get it on Amazon. It's told from the first person viewpoint of the Dom.


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