Advice on strangulation

Discussion in 'Safety aspects of BDSM' started by Infinia, Dec 28, 2010.

  1. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    Me and my mistress have been trying out alot of new things since we're both each others first there's alot to try. I've always been of the opinion of trying anything once to see if i like it so that deffenetly helps.

    So a few months ago she slipped and rather then putting her hands around me she had my throat kinda choking me. Kinda embarresing to say but i pretty much came instantly.
    I've asked my mistress to do it again but she absolutly refuses to do anything like that to me. I've had very bad asthma most of my life and do need my inhalor alot which is why she doesn't want to. She's afraid of doing damage and i do understand.

    I was just kinda hoping someone here might know a way to try this out that's still safe. Safeword doesn't work because i can't talk when i can't breath.
  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Choking is dangerous even without asthma and with asthma it's simply no no
  3. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    well dang thats kinda disapointing
  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Welcome infinia

    It might be good if you let us know if we are talking about chocking/strangulation or breath play or both.

    The difference I'm looking for is this..... do you like to be chocked to the point where you feel like you're gonna pass out, or do you like the feeling of someones hands around your throat just for the feel? Would it feel the same if someone just covered your mouth and nose?
    What if your head was placed underwater... would that be the same?

    My feeling from your op is that you like the hands around your throat.

    I feel the same as M Jey here since the asthma does complicate things. Let's face it. If you had Mistress choke you to the point where you were about to go, and the asthma attack happened at that point, no one could work fast enough to save you.

    Only you know your triggers for attacks, but you probably also know that while the triggers are responsible for 90% of attacks, chronic asthma like what you described can be aggravated or brought on by something as simple as a cold, or a food reaction, or a body temperature change, aside from physical stimulus you might get from her.
    The fact that you came so fast may have had something to do with the danger you sensed when she did it (even if it was only intrinsic).

    A casual Mistress would not knowingly do this to, and a life partner who really cared would want to do it even less. Remember that if something happens to you they face murder or manslaughter charges and will go to jail. This aside from the fact that they like you and don't want to lose you, or harm you.

    The only thing I can suggest if you are really determined to move forward with this is a side strangle, where you can feel some rope around your neck and you are struggling against it, but the knot is to the side and it's pulling against the other side of your neck. The predicament can be very exciting but does not affect your ability to breath.
    But then.... any of us can take something safe and make it unsafe, right?

    Be very careful with this wish/fantasy infinia... for your sake, as well as those around you.

    Moth to the flame, you know.
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Welcome, Infinia. I'm gonna add my voice to Jey and L8 and tell you that breath play is very dangerous. Most of the bdsm related deaths come from people doing variations on breath play. Keep in mind that the 'hanging game' that some teens get killed playing is a form of BP. BP is relatively common, perhaps because most people don't realize the actual dangers involved. The obvious danger is simple asphyxiation, and when people try to do BP safely, they mostly focus on preventing asphyxiation. The problem is that there's a second danger, much more serious than asphyxiation, that most people don't understand, and that's a heart attack.

    The moment your body starts being starved of oxygen, your heart starts having extra ventricular contractions, more and more as the starvation goes on. If one of those random uncontrolled contractions comes during the electrical repolarization phase of the hearts normal beat cycle, it can trigger a heart attack. And not just any heart attack, but the type of heart attack that most people don't survive, regardless of age or general health. The longer the asphyxiation goes on, the greater the risk of heart attack, but the risk begins to rise at the start of the breath play, it lasts throughout the asphyxiation, and it lasts for hours after the asphyxiation comes to an end . Nor is there a way to determine when the contractions have begun without being hooked up to a heart monitor.

    So, when someone chokes you during sex, the choker probably thinks that as long as s/he doesn't choke you for very long, there isn't much risk. But the reality is that the risk lasts for a very long time after the play session is over with. If you and your partner understand that you are running a very real risk of dying during or after play, and the two of you agree that the risk is worth the results you get, go for it. Personally, I don't think the risks are worthwhile, but your mileage may vary.

    I second L8's suggestion that you analyze what is arousing about being choked and look for things that give you that same turn on without the risk. One thing I do to my subs is to stand behind him with one arm around his neck clutching his opposite shoulder. The other hand (usually gloved) I put up over his mouth. I can keep my fingers tighter or looser to force him to breathe through his nose. This creates a strong sense of being controlled and provides some illusion that he's being choked (arm around throat) and can't breathe (hand on mouth), without actually restricting his breathing too sharply. If I talk into his ear at the same time, I can partly distract him from the fact that he's breathing normally. Play around with that; you might find that it gets you off.
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

  7. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Excellent explanation Seb, and thanks for including the Wiseman article... though your summary really explains the PVC problem well.

    There is one thing I forgot about the advice I gave.

    There is a HUGE risk to the side strangulation as well, because if done improperly it can cut off the blood supply to the brain. You can figure out what happens then.

    They seem to have found a way to do it safely on kink dot com's website hog tied.

    You can probably see a few examples in their update section.

    Hope it helps, and hope you find a safe way to get the feeling you want.
  8. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    Thanks for the advice i do appreciate it even if it didn't sound like it in my first reply back. SORRY

    We both understand the risks, one of the first things me and Mistress did when we started playing well even before we truely started was go over all the problems my asthma may bring. One of the triggers is my nose and mouth being covered so we would never do that. We barely even brush the idea of ball gags because of it.
    I do also know of the secondary dangerous, i've had 5 heart attacks in my life and i'm only 23 so that's not good. When the body is to starved for oxygen not only does the heart go wonky you get nerve problems to and brain damage. I've had it happen way to many times not to know.

    The biggest thing for me was more like L8 said i liked the pressure around my neck not the lack of oxygen, when it happened mistress nearly freaked and ordered me to take a session with the breather for an hour because she was worried.

    I like the idea of side knot but its more of a flesh on flesh thing for me so rope wouldnt do the same. And mistress sometimes forgets her own strength (she could easyly brake me) and things it way to high a risk to try.

    May not be happy about not much result but thank you for the help
  9. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Just gonna have to say, if you have serious asthma AND you've had several heart attacks (man thats scary I'm not even 20 yet...) then it seriously sounds like breath play is not for you. Its shame cuz it sounds like its a pretty big turn on

    but lets, just for fun, weigh the pros and cons
    pros: instant sexual gratification, huge turn on, very arousing
    cons: heart attack, asthma attack, strangulation, lack of oxygen... death...

    from your post, it sounds like it would be almost impossible to convince your mistress to actually choke you again considering she flipped out when she accidentally chocked you

    Maybe you could have your mistress put her hand around your neck but not squeeze?
  10. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    yeah i know sounds stupid to even try but its how i tick.
    i've always pushed my body to be able to do everything anyone else can so hearing i can't is hard to sink in sometimes.

    Mistress scolded me for wanting it again, and doesnt trust herself to not try to cuz it did spark her a bit to. unless i can find a safe way she doesnt want to hear about it
  11. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    I guess the question is why would you bully your mistress into something she doesnt trust herself to do?

    BDSM is about trust at its core, I think you're just gonna have to let this one go
  12. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member


    (To the the mod OLP: I am so sorry, I just cant help myself)
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2010
  13. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    I haven't tried to bully her havent even brought it up again just looking for my sake mostly.
    lol I am dealing by doing what i can and if everyone says your an idiot for trying then i did try and that does matter.

    I'd never ask mistress to do something she's uncomfortable with but it doesnt hurt to ask and get info and opinions right.
  14. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    maybe bully wasnt the right word, I'm just saying if your mistress isnt comfortable then its best not to press the issue. Especially since she's doing it because she's concerned for your health and obviously cares a lot about you

    Its shame though, because if you didnt have such bad asthma and were at (I assume) higher risk for heart attacks there might be a way to somehow make it somewhat safe. But considering all the risks and possibilities it just doesnt sound like a good idea

    EDIT: heeey let me just say the same thing over and over again. I am very original
  15. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    i was wondering when you'd catch on lol

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