The Problem with Pansexual Sites & Events

sebastian · Jan 8, 2015

The sudden explosion of ads on this site has gotten me thinking about a really common problem that gay men encounter when dealing with supposedly pansexual events and sites. In theory, pansexual stuff like this site is supposed to be equally accepting of all genders and sexual orientations. But actually, they're hostile to gay men, because none of the imagery in the ads is aimed at gay men. Every single ad here is shows submissive women, which means the site is primarily aimed at dominant straight men and bi/bi-curious women. There are no tied up guys, no leather daddies, no submissive guys at all. Which makes it clear that gay men aren't actually welcome here.

This makes me sad, because for five years this site has been a home for me. And now it is rapidly feeling like a hostile environment because I can't get away from the endless parade of tits.

Smallest · Jan 9, 2015

I agree, especially since gay leather culture had/is such a strong influence on BDSM- it belongs here more than submissive women in the ads (although I mean, preferably there'd be no ads). I'm especially sorry to hear you feel pushed out by it though, Sebby. I'm starting to think the only option will be to start a forum on free software (eg proboards) or something and move on, but that loses a lot of posting history that I don't want to.

Edit- also, when I saw the preview for this thread (title/date), I thought it was going to be not by you and something being mean to pansexuals. What a relief.

sebastian · Jan 9, 2015

And this community was more manageable than Fetlife. Fetlife is so sorted out by kinks and gender and orientation. It doesn't have the sense of friendly community that SMplace used to have, although that's mostly dried up in the past year, I guess because Fetlife has sucked all the oxygen out of the room.

MissVeroniKa · Jan 12, 2015

I came here from fetlife so, it saddens me. I have to admit, the ad content is a little annoying. There are a lot of pop ups. I do a lot of advertising at www.missveronika.com too, so I understand the importance, but sometimes... well.. there's just too many. Like this cam girl ad I can't get to go away. Ugh.

I want something other than fetlife, but this might not be the right match for you.

sebastian · Jan 12, 2015

Veronika, I like Fetlife, but it has some serious limitations, and I've never feel a sense of community there the way SMplace used to have. The community here has been shrinking, but it doesn't have to be that way. This site has a tradition of being very supportive and non-judgmental, and I'd really hate to walk away. But the ads are just killing my desire to spend much time here.

I sent you a PM, btw, about your comment in the Newcomer's FAQ.

Smallest · Jan 16, 2015

So, um, while I obviously look like a rat fleeing a sinking ship right now- if someone were to, say, make another free forum in a similar format to this, without ridiculous ads, and also still a forum rather than Fetlife, would there be interest? Particularly if the porn sharing functions were removed?

ETA- meaning, would it be viable to have members without the porn selection, because those are hard to moderate and take up a lot of space, but also are the largest posters here.

Smallest · Jan 16, 2015

Wow hi, I really wanted that ad in my post, thanks!

sebastian · Jan 17, 2015

I would be sad to leave SMplace, but it might be for the best. Perhaps we could bring the Newcomer's FAQ with us.

ctwServant · Feb 6, 2015

Too much ads can easily kill a website.

Smallest said:
if someone were to, say, make another free forum in a similar format to this, without ridiculous ads, and also still a forum rather than Fetlife, would there be interest? Particularly if the porn sharing functions were removed?

I don't think so. Classic forum would never beat fetlife. The only way to attract visitors is to come up with something totally new or maybe to cover some niche that is not covered on fetlife.

Smallest · Feb 6, 2015

This is perhaps true. Out of curiousity (especially directed at Sebby), does Fet have any issues with this (the titular topic)?

The Problem with Pansexual Sites & Events

sebastian

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sebastian

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MissVeroniKa

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sebastian

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sebastian

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