The Problem with Pansexual Sites & Events

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sebastian, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    The sudden explosion of ads on this site has gotten me thinking about a really common problem that gay men encounter when dealing with supposedly pansexual events and sites. In theory, pansexual stuff like this site is supposed to be equally accepting of all genders and sexual orientations. But actually, they're hostile to gay men, because none of the imagery in the ads is aimed at gay men. Every single ad here is shows submissive women, which means the site is primarily aimed at dominant straight men and bi/bi-curious women. There are no tied up guys, no leather daddies, no submissive guys at all. Which makes it clear that gay men aren't actually welcome here.

    This makes me sad, because for five years this site has been a home for me. And now it is rapidly feeling like a hostile environment because I can't get away from the endless parade of tits.
     
  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I agree, especially since gay leather culture had/is such a strong influence on BDSM- it belongs here more than submissive women in the ads (although I mean, preferably there'd be no ads). I'm especially sorry to hear you feel pushed out by it though, Sebby. I'm starting to think the only option will be to start a forum on free software (eg proboards) or something and move on, but that loses a lot of posting history that I don't want to.

    Edit- also, when I saw the preview for this thread (title/date), I thought it was going to be not by you and something being mean to pansexuals. What a relief.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    And this community was more manageable than Fetlife. Fetlife is so sorted out by kinks and gender and orientation. It doesn't have the sense of friendly community that SMplace used to have, although that's mostly dried up in the past year, I guess because Fetlife has sucked all the oxygen out of the room.
     
  4. MissVeroniKa

    MissVeroniKa New Member

    I came here from fetlife so, it saddens me. I have to admit, the ad content is a little annoying. There are a lot of pop ups. I do a lot of advertising at www.missveronika.com too, so I understand the importance, but sometimes... well.. there's just too many. Like this cam girl ad I can't get to go away. Ugh.

    I want something other than fetlife, but this might not be the right match for you. :(
     
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Veronika, I like Fetlife, but it has some serious limitations, and I've never feel a sense of community there the way SMplace used to have. The community here has been shrinking, but it doesn't have to be that way. This site has a tradition of being very supportive and non-judgmental, and I'd really hate to walk away. But the ads are just killing my desire to spend much time here.

    I sent you a PM, btw, about your comment in the Newcomer's FAQ.
     
  6. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    So, um, while I obviously look like a rat fleeing a sinking ship right now- if someone were to, say, make another free forum in a similar format to this, without ridiculous ads, and also still a forum rather than Fetlife, would there be interest? Particularly if the porn sharing functions were removed?

    ETA- meaning, would it be viable to have members without the porn selection, because those are hard to moderate and take up a lot of space, but also are the largest posters here.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2015
  7. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Wow hi, I really wanted that ad in my post, thanks!
     
  8. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I would be sad to leave SMplace, but it might be for the best. Perhaps we could bring the Newcomer's FAQ with us.
     
  9. ctwServant

    ctwServant New Member

    Too much ads can easily kill a website.

    I don't think so. Classic forum would never beat fetlife. The only way to attract visitors is to come up with something totally new or maybe to cover some niche that is not covered on fetlife.
     
  10. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    This is perhaps true. Out of curiousity (especially directed at Sebby), does Fet have any issues with this (the titular topic)?
     
  11. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Well, Fetlife is structured in a way that encourages people to self-select those they will interact with, based on shared interests. From what I've seen, a lot of the gays tend to cluster in the groups specifically for gays. There is a running complaint that the Kinky and Popular feature literally NEVER features anything for gay men. But there are definitely groups that include both gay and straight kinksters. So yes, I'd say it's an issue with most pansexual groups. It simply never occurs to them that it takes more than not rejecting gays to be gay friendly. If a group wants to be truly gay-friendly, then occasionally it has to do things that directly address gays even if that means not addressing straights at the same time.
     
  12. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Thanks for saying more about it. I never look at K&P and was unsure what/if there were ads or specifically targeted ones, and so on, so it was hard to tell.
     

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