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If You Only Knew by M. Roulette
Years ago, I found myself embroiled in some rather inappropriate, though, no doubt common, office politics. I wrote this to blow off some steam. It remained scrawled in a journal of mine filled with random bits of nothing in particular. Until now.
22 September; 11:36a
I know it’s tough to be a man. I know it’s even harder to be in charge — so many demands being made on you, everyone expecting that you have all the answers; to be in control. Especially when I know you aren’t, really. That it’s all a big facade. I know what you really want; that you wish you could let it all go and be yourself. I know you want to be that with me.
That’s why I don’t like the game you seem to be playing. It makes me angry and want to do things I know I shouldn’t. That you shouldn’t let me. After all, you’re the boss. You should know better than this. You should expect better of me. I makes me fear you don’t really know me at all. Worse, it makes me want to show you what I really am. And I know, at first, you’re not going to like it. Not at all.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what would have really happened, had I not walked away. You didn’t know what I’d brought with me that day; just in case. I told myself that I was sick of you. What you were doing to me. How you made me feel. You thought I was going to be under your thumb. That you could just take control of me, and I’d like it. You thought I was that kind of girl. You didn’t know how wrong you were.
That’s why when you’d said to me what you did this morning, I stopped by my apartment for lunch. Of course, I returned with my bag as usual, never liking to keep my purse anywhere that it could seem inviting to sticky fingers. I knew you weren’t that sort of naughty boy, so it was safe in your office. Of course, that afternoon, it wasn’t just my purse I was keeping hidden. I brought what I knew I’d need to teach you a lesson. And had it not been for a lapse of momentary sanity, you would be at my feet right now, instead of back home with a woman who doesn’t understand you, and me with a man that I hate and only use for sex when I feel like it. (It beats having to go out and play the bar scene. Ugh. Really, now.)
No, you were the one I wanted. But you’d made me so angry, I wasn’t sure I could do it without really hurting you — and we both know that you couldn’t have taken that. You’re a lightweight at this point, and unless you did something to really piss me off, I had no real desire to break you down completely. Just enough so that you dropped this image of being what I know you’re not. Instead, it’s just what I’ll have to envision tonight while I’m using my boyfriend’s cock so that I can get off, as I usually do. I’ll just have to imagine you, instead, and what I would have done had I not had the sense to walk away.
Oh, I’m sure you would love to know what I would have done to you. Unfortunately, you never will. But for my own pleasure, I’m going to write it all down in this notebook, inches from you, ignoring any playful inquiries into what I may be writing during my coffee break.
If you only knew.
That’s enough for now. Back to work.
22 September; 4:06p
I figured I could steal about five minutes and write a few more things down before I forgot them.
Where was I?
Oh, right …
I already had everything at my disposal, and soon, I would’ve had you, too. But I’m getting ahead of myself, again, and your oblivious smile is only infuriating me further. You’re lucky I don’t grab you by the hair right now and shove your face into the paper. But, it might break your glasses. And I might get fired. Although, I’d love to hear you try and explain it to corporate. Can you imagine what sort of controversy it would build up around your burgeoning career?
No, no, no.
I have you right where I want you. Even now.
Go on. Keep smiling. I may have to set this aside until later, you may have convinced me that you deserve the abuse after all.
That’s right … keep smiling.
23 September; 10:48a
Today is a new day, and I’m sure the orgasm I enjoyed last night (thanks to my fantasy of what I would have done to you the other day) is radiating from every pore. I’ve still got the tools. Don’t tempt me.
But there’s something different about you. You’re not smiling, and the way you keep looking over at, though you’re not facing, me while I know you’re on the phone with The Big Guy is not exactly comforting. Your tone is hurried, and your voice is low.
Hmmm. You’d better not be doing something else stupid.
Now that you’ve left your office for the time being, I can write in peace. So, new plan. I’ve decided to write it all down. Things did not go well that night when you made your move, and I’m wondering if my job is potentially in jeopardy because of your fuck-up. That’s right — your fuck-up. After I was so good to you. Dutiful. Appropriate. Acting intelligently while your cock led us into all kinds of precarious positions, and, had I not been the smart one, would’ve gotten us both canned weeks ago. Nice going, Einstein. Now it looks like I’m going to be taking the brunt of it.
That’s okay. Two can play this game. And I only play to win.
You may flip things around. May make it seem like it was my fault. That’s all right. You need this job more than I do, and you’ve got a lot more to lose. I’ll just make sure that this finds its way to you long after the smoke has cleared and the dust settled. I guess you’d just hope your girlfriend doesn’t find it first. Especially if you have plans of upgrading your relationship anytime soon. Wives don’t typically like tales of how their husbands came onto their employees. It’s bad form. I’d hate to see you get involved in something nasty like that. Underneath it all, I think you’re an okay guy. Don’t make me regret my generosity. Of course, your suffering would hardly be undeserved, since I was the one who walked away.
Don’t forget that.
Oh, you’re back. Guess I’ll have to stop for now. Especially since you don’t look happy. Just wait. I’m far less cheerful than I look. You have no idea who you’re fucking with. But that’s all right. You’ll find out soon enough, won’t you? I’ve done far worse to men for far less. You’d better be grateful for how good I’ve been to you up until now, because those days are over. Jekyll’s gone away for now. Time to meet Hyde. Terribly sorry; I’m afraid you won’t like her.
Oh, but I will.
… Continued.
For more free erotica, real life thoughts (both audio and written), or to keep up with Mistress Roulette, visit her home on the web at www.MistressRoulette.com
Years ago, I found myself embroiled in some rather inappropriate, though, no doubt common, office politics. I wrote this to blow off some steam. It remained scrawled in a journal of mine filled with random bits of nothing in particular. Until now.
22 September; 11:36a
I know it’s tough to be a man. I know it’s even harder to be in charge — so many demands being made on you, everyone expecting that you have all the answers; to be in control. Especially when I know you aren’t, really. That it’s all a big facade. I know what you really want; that you wish you could let it all go and be yourself. I know you want to be that with me.
That’s why I don’t like the game you seem to be playing. It makes me angry and want to do things I know I shouldn’t. That you shouldn’t let me. After all, you’re the boss. You should know better than this. You should expect better of me. I makes me fear you don’t really know me at all. Worse, it makes me want to show you what I really am. And I know, at first, you’re not going to like it. Not at all.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what would have really happened, had I not walked away. You didn’t know what I’d brought with me that day; just in case. I told myself that I was sick of you. What you were doing to me. How you made me feel. You thought I was going to be under your thumb. That you could just take control of me, and I’d like it. You thought I was that kind of girl. You didn’t know how wrong you were.
That’s why when you’d said to me what you did this morning, I stopped by my apartment for lunch. Of course, I returned with my bag as usual, never liking to keep my purse anywhere that it could seem inviting to sticky fingers. I knew you weren’t that sort of naughty boy, so it was safe in your office. Of course, that afternoon, it wasn’t just my purse I was keeping hidden. I brought what I knew I’d need to teach you a lesson. And had it not been for a lapse of momentary sanity, you would be at my feet right now, instead of back home with a woman who doesn’t understand you, and me with a man that I hate and only use for sex when I feel like it. (It beats having to go out and play the bar scene. Ugh. Really, now.)
No, you were the one I wanted. But you’d made me so angry, I wasn’t sure I could do it without really hurting you — and we both know that you couldn’t have taken that. You’re a lightweight at this point, and unless you did something to really piss me off, I had no real desire to break you down completely. Just enough so that you dropped this image of being what I know you’re not. Instead, it’s just what I’ll have to envision tonight while I’m using my boyfriend’s cock so that I can get off, as I usually do. I’ll just have to imagine you, instead, and what I would have done had I not had the sense to walk away.
Oh, I’m sure you would love to know what I would have done to you. Unfortunately, you never will. But for my own pleasure, I’m going to write it all down in this notebook, inches from you, ignoring any playful inquiries into what I may be writing during my coffee break.
If you only knew.
That’s enough for now. Back to work.
22 September; 4:06p
I figured I could steal about five minutes and write a few more things down before I forgot them.
Where was I?
Oh, right …
I already had everything at my disposal, and soon, I would’ve had you, too. But I’m getting ahead of myself, again, and your oblivious smile is only infuriating me further. You’re lucky I don’t grab you by the hair right now and shove your face into the paper. But, it might break your glasses. And I might get fired. Although, I’d love to hear you try and explain it to corporate. Can you imagine what sort of controversy it would build up around your burgeoning career?
No, no, no.
I have you right where I want you. Even now.
Go on. Keep smiling. I may have to set this aside until later, you may have convinced me that you deserve the abuse after all.
That’s right … keep smiling.
23 September; 10:48a
Today is a new day, and I’m sure the orgasm I enjoyed last night (thanks to my fantasy of what I would have done to you the other day) is radiating from every pore. I’ve still got the tools. Don’t tempt me.
But there’s something different about you. You’re not smiling, and the way you keep looking over at, though you’re not facing, me while I know you’re on the phone with The Big Guy is not exactly comforting. Your tone is hurried, and your voice is low.
Hmmm. You’d better not be doing something else stupid.
Now that you’ve left your office for the time being, I can write in peace. So, new plan. I’ve decided to write it all down. Things did not go well that night when you made your move, and I’m wondering if my job is potentially in jeopardy because of your fuck-up. That’s right — your fuck-up. After I was so good to you. Dutiful. Appropriate. Acting intelligently while your cock led us into all kinds of precarious positions, and, had I not been the smart one, would’ve gotten us both canned weeks ago. Nice going, Einstein. Now it looks like I’m going to be taking the brunt of it.
That’s okay. Two can play this game. And I only play to win.
You may flip things around. May make it seem like it was my fault. That’s all right. You need this job more than I do, and you’ve got a lot more to lose. I’ll just make sure that this finds its way to you long after the smoke has cleared and the dust settled. I guess you’d just hope your girlfriend doesn’t find it first. Especially if you have plans of upgrading your relationship anytime soon. Wives don’t typically like tales of how their husbands came onto their employees. It’s bad form. I’d hate to see you get involved in something nasty like that. Underneath it all, I think you’re an okay guy. Don’t make me regret my generosity. Of course, your suffering would hardly be undeserved, since I was the one who walked away.
Don’t forget that.
Oh, you’re back. Guess I’ll have to stop for now. Especially since you don’t look happy. Just wait. I’m far less cheerful than I look. You have no idea who you’re fucking with. But that’s all right. You’ll find out soon enough, won’t you? I’ve done far worse to men for far less. You’d better be grateful for how good I’ve been to you up until now, because those days are over. Jekyll’s gone away for now. Time to meet Hyde. Terribly sorry; I’m afraid you won’t like her.
Oh, but I will.
… Continued.
For more free erotica, real life thoughts (both audio and written), or to keep up with Mistress Roulette, visit her home on the web at www.MistressRoulette.com
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