Degradation, humiliation &verbal abuse

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by KingD13, Nov 3, 2012.

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  1. KingD13

    KingD13 New Member

    I can't find any good threads/post on degrading verbal abuse. My fiancée and I are fairly new to this and she loves being told shes pathetic, worthless... Etc. Does anyone have a good thread or advice in more degrading/ humiliating verbal abuse phrases?
     
  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    I talk about it in the Newcomer's FAQ. One important basic rule is that not every sub is a good candidate for more serious verbal abuse. My feeling is that a sub needs to have a solid sense of self-worth in order for verbal abuse to be healthy for them. Subs with a strong sense of ego can find humiliation to be a delicious push back against their normal social standing, but those who have a weak sense of self-worth are in danger of internalizing the abuse and reading it as confirmation of their own self-doubt. So if your gf has a fragile sense of self-esteem, don't do it.

    Also, even if she has a strong sense of worth, it's possible that she has weak points, particular insults she might be vulnerable to. For example, if she's really self-conscious about her body image, calling her a 'fat cow' might truly hurt her when calling her a 'dirty slut' might not. So be aware of the things she's sensitive about and don't work that into your play.

    The thing to do is develop a large vocabulary of insults and obscene things. Over-repetition of the same insult can really drain verbal play of its edge. So build up as long a list of possible of vulgar nouns (bitch, whore, cunt, fucker, slut, pussy, hole, cocksucker, fucktoy, buttmunch...)and vulgar adjectives (horny, dirty, filthy, slutty, worthless, pathetic, goddam, fucking...)that you can string together in different ways. Then practice saying them with conviction. Verbal abuse mostly works when you say it in ways that sound like you're angry at the sub, like you're so angry that she's a dirty cunt that you just have to tell her.

    Once you've mastered that, try the trick of insulting her and then demanding that she repeat the insult. "You're a filthy bitch, aren't you?" "Yes, sir, I'm a filthy bitch." It's one thing to be called a insult by someone; it's another thing all together to have to validate the insult by repeating it. It makes the sub complicit in the humiliation.

    Then explore more complicated verbal activity, like describing her, her body, and what you're going to do to her. "I'm gonna fuck your worthless pussy til you're begging me to stop." "You're nothing but a set of holes for me to use any way I like, bitch. When I'm done using one hole I'm gonna move on to a different one." Reducing a sub to body parts can humiliate her by dehumanizing her. You can also make rude remarks about her body (again, assuming she's not embarrassed about her body, but many people are, so tread lightly).
     
  3. I agree with what Sebastian says - you need to steer clear of genuinely abusive personal comments unless you are 200% sure that the person really wants it.

    One way to do this is to have your sub take on a "persona" - like pretending she is a whore, and you're her pimp. You can imagine that at weekends you rent her out to your friends to use and abuse as they wish.

    Of course none of this actually happens, but now you have a whole set of imaginary "sins" that she's committed, and that you can abuse her with. Here's how it might go...

    You: "So how many guys were at Steve's house last weekend?"

    She: "It was just Steve."

    You: "Bullshit. He told me there were some guys from the football team there."

    She: "No...honestly. It was just Steve!"

    You: "You lying bitch! Does that mean you kept the money they paid you? You're my fucking whore - understand? That's my money! Now let's start over...how many guys were there?"


    Etc.

    It really doesn't matter what she says...you're just going to keep escalating the imaginary scene anyway. What kind of things did they do to her? How many of her holes did they fuck? Did they take it in turns or do it all at the same time with her? Did she swallow? How many times did she come? All that kind of stuff.

    She doesn't really have to say very much - because you're going to twist anything she says anyway.

    Start slowly and keep building and building.

    Again - steer clear of body image insults.


    Cheers,
    Stanley
     
  4. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Another trick is to taunt the sub for enjoying the abusive treatment you're providing. With guys, I often say "Any real man would get angry when I call him a worthless faggot, but you just get hornier and hornier. That's fucking pathetic." With a female sub, you'll need to find some variation on that. "A good woman wouldn't be fantasizing about getting all her holes fucked at once" or something like that.
     
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