inexperienced dom dating experienced sub long distance, advice?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by freddy543, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. freddy543

    freddy543 New Member

    title says it all, I have a wonderful relationship with an experienced sub mostly over skype (we plan on meeting soon-ish and regularly, as soon as jobs and whatnot allow) long story short, she craves pain and I can't give it to her, I could tell her to flog herself but her floggers are too short to really get anything more than a tap. she has plenty of candles at hand but they're messy and we only really have time for such things at night, we could but it would require considerable pre-planning, something that we can't do much of due to work.

    I'm looking for advice, so far all I can come up with is making her masturbate with clothes hangers clipped to various places but that will grow old soon enough. I'm wondering what advice you guys can give me?

    not just so I can see her in pain but also ways to get into her head, mind games, any advice you can give to an inexperienced dom in a long distance relationship.

    ~ Note; I have searched the forums for anything with "long distance" in it and came up with nothing. I have and will continue to read through the advice posts and other material I can get ideas from but pretty much all of it isn't conducive to long distance relationships.

    Thank you for your time. :love:
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  2. Hi Freddy,

    A few ideas...

    • Daytime humiliation. Make her wear a butt plug to work. If she needs to go to the bathroom she has to call or text you for permission.
    • Another variation is to make her wear erotic underwear under her daytime clothes.
    • Why not set her menial tasks to perform?
    • For pain during the session, why not invest in one of these remote electro-stim kits? It's expensive, but it's designed for sex use and you can control it remotely via your PC.
    • Why not try rubber bands? On her arms, or her thighs. Find good, substantial bands. They can be as painful as a riding crop.

  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    One thing I do long distance is order a sub to torture his tits, cock or balls at my instruction. Obviously, you'll need to adapt this to female genitalia, but here's my basic formula:

    1) I order the sub to start pinching or gently slapping the body part. Not hard--just lightly. They are to continue until given permission to stop.
    2) I talk for a few minutes and then order the sub to get a little more aggressive. I say this in a light, almost casual tone, like I've forgotten he's doing it.
    3) Every minute or two I tell the sub to step up the force of the pinch or slap. Sometimes I'll add things like "start using your fingernails on your tits" or "start twisting it".
    4) Periodically I say things like "that tit must be starting to hurt. You must be hoping I'll let you stop."
    The idea here is to focus the sub on the sensations from that body part.
    5) I keep doing this until I hear the sub starting to get desperate. Then I say "If you beg me properly, I might let you stop." Then I get capricious about what constitutes proper begging. I like to here real desperation. Sometimes I'll tell them to stop and then after a couple seconds I'll say "break's over, keep going." or "I changed my mind. Get back on that tit." This makes it unpredictable.
    6) Sometimes I'll let the sub stop torturing one body part but order them to start working on another.

    Part of what works here is that the sub increases the force as he needs. I'm telling him to increase it, but he's deciding how much to increase it. This helps the sub keep within his limits.

    There are a lot of variations you can work in here. Use your imagination.
  4. kajmir

    kajmir Member

    Slightly marking, will go away.
    If too mild for your sub, maybe someone else might find the suggestion useful.

    A wooden handled/backed hair brush with firm brush bristle:

    Back/Butt (bristle side)
    Across the nipples (bristle side)
    Across the clitoris (bristle side)
    Affordable, Found at WalMart

    Got a real pain lover and the brush isn't enough, try a wire brush.
    Obviously: I would caution to be careful until you are familar with your sub/their tolerance/etc, go slow.Have safe work in place and all tha other good comon sense stuff.

    Figging might also be an option, but I'm not an expert, maybe someone else could add/explain for this suggestion.
  5. Sir's pretty pet

    Sir's pretty pet New Member

    My Sir is long distance a lot, so we have plenty of Skype sessions. Here are some things he has had me do:

    -I have had to use ice cubes on/in various places.
    -I made a video of spanking myself with various implements, though I will admit getting good leverage is not easy. Wooden brush is easiest. Have her on knees with her ass towards you and she can use the brush on her ass from in between her legs.
    -Using wooden spoons on my breasts/pussy was particularly memorable.
    -Clothes-pins are fun, as you mentioned.
    -I am to go to class some days in jeans without panties.
    -I have had to sleep with my butt plug in.
    -Sleep with my ankle/wrist cuffs on and attach myself to the bed. (Loved this)
    -Remote control vibe that he texts/calls/emails me when to turn on and off. (Bullets are nice for this as opposed to the butterflies.)

    We have been thinking about chastity belts. :)

    Hope you get to try some of these!

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