Slate.com just ran an article about the old debate on this issue. It's worth reading. http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/08/18/is_kink_a_sexual_orientation.html Right at the start, she makes a huge mistake about gay men. "...to reduce the orientation of love to a physical technicality is every bit as reductive (and ultimately inaccurate) as it would be to argue that homosexuality is not an orientation, because penis-in-anus is merely â€œhowâ€ a gay man loves his husband." What the author misunderstands here is that there are a very large percentage of gay men who do not engage in penis-in-anus sex. Many gay men prefer to do variations on oral sex and masturbation because they find anal sex uncomfortable. In fact, it's been suggested that prior to the AIDS crisis, only a minority of gay men engage in anal sex. So penis-in-anus is not about orientation. That doesn't necessarily undermine the whole article though.