Is Kink an Orientation?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sebastian, Aug 18, 2014.

  1. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member just ran an article about the old debate on this issue. It's worth reading.

    Right at the start, she makes a huge mistake about gay men. " reduce the orientation of love to a physical technicality is every bit as reductive (and ultimately inaccurate) as it would be to argue that homosexuality is not an orientation, because penis-in-anus is merely “how†a gay man loves his husband."

    What the author misunderstands here is that there are a very large percentage of gay men who do not engage in penis-in-anus sex. Many gay men prefer to do variations on oral sex and masturbation because they find anal sex uncomfortable. In fact, it's been suggested that prior to the AIDS crisis, only a minority of gay men engage in anal sex. So penis-in-anus is not about orientation.

    That doesn't necessarily undermine the whole article though.
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  2. Div

    Div New Member

    It seems to me that she's just using penis in anus as an example, not making a blanket statement about all homosexual relationships, comparing it to being spanked with a belt. I think the author would be pretty uninformed to say that all bdsm relationships involve belt spanking, so I think she's just making an example.

    As for the debate, I'm going to land on the "not an orientation" side. And I say this more for reasons of grammatical specificity more than an argument with the theory. If bdsm was an orientation, we would instantly have lexical gaps to describe men who are attracted to women and are also into bdsm, women who like women, etc etc etc. Theyre sometimes useful descriptions, and it seems to me that the rest of the more "official" orientations don't allow for you to attribute multiple orientations to yourself. Like you can't be heterosexual and homosexual, there's already a different word for that. You wouldn't say you're bisexual and heterosexual, that just wouldn't make sense. It would be a "you keep saying that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" type situation. So considering bdsm an orientation would just bring about more vagueness and confusion.

    I do understand what she's saying, though. Mainly the idea that people don't choose kink, it's just something that feels natural. So in that sense, I think there are certainly similarities that can be drawn between kink and orientation, but you're describing two different things. She talks about who you love vs how you love, and I think the word "orientation" in this context refers more to the who, not the how. Like you said, not all homosexual men have anal sex, but it's something that people can do, and the word "homosexual" doesn't actually describe that. There are a broad range of activities that kink can define, but I think you could definitely be into kink AND heterosexual(or whatever the case may be). And yeah, she talks about being attracted to tops, not men or women, but that to me just says bisexual. A lot of people are attracted to a specific gender. So I think it's answering a different question about sexuality than what orientation is meant to describe.
  3. hill0

    hill0 New Member

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  4. scorpion11

    scorpion11 Active Member

    yes !!!
  5. newdayluck

    newdayluck Active Member

    yes, thanks man
  6. revodrink

    revodrink Active Member

    they talked about how it should be...
  7. Luna

    Luna Member

    Hi all, after a long sabbatical I've decided to visit you again...
    This is a never ending debate, and a question that will never have a definitive answer. From my perspective yes, kink is an orientation. It is a choice, just as one chooses to be a Democrat, one chooses to be Catholic, one chooses to Vegan, we choose to participate in kinky behavior.
    Kink is part of who I am, true, but I choose to act on it. I'm sure there are a great many people out there that are kinky but are too uptight or repressed to act upon their desires. Pity for them, they don't know what they're missing....
    Just my opinion.

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