Hoping for the probably impossible.

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by darknova42, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

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    I'll begin by explaining a couple of things about myself and the problem I have.

    I'm 24 years old and male. I'm also in a wheelchair. I have congenital muscular dystrophy, which basically means my muscles don't grow as fast as they should. I'm about 1/10 the strength of the average person, I struggle to lift more than a couple lbs with both hands. This also means my muscles are shorter than they should be and the range of motion in my joints is severely limited, I can't unbend my arms and legs all the way.

    I should say before anything else that I've long since come to terms with not being able to walk, it doesn't bother me at all. However, there are some complications which are the basis of my problem. I am too weak to support my own weight and too frail to support the weight of another person. I can't be on top or on bottom, sexual intercourse is therefore mechanically impossible for me. I say mechanically because functionally everything else works.

    So, there in lies my dilemma, at least in part. The other part is something that is often overlooked by others. People in wheelchairs are generally not considered sexual entities. I blame evolution really. Instinctively, we are recognized as defective and therefore not considered possible candidates for procreation. Of course a lot of human behavior such as homosexuality goes against the evolutionary grain so to speak. That's the only reason I haven't given up hope entirely.

    Because of these facts I've never been in a relationship and am still a virgin. I just can't seem to find this elusive minority that would consider someone like me. I had given up and resigned myself to a sex life of self gratification.

    This is the part I need help with:

    Needless to say I've watched a lot of porn, and I've read quite a few erotic novels. Unknowingly I'd been looking for material of a rather forceful nature. Rougher sex etc. I didn't have a name to put to this flavor I wanted until I came across a few bdsm videos and books that really hit the spot. The idea of a woman writhing, helpless, unable to do anything but accept the pleasure given. Very stimulating. I fantasized and found myself in the dom role, liking the idea of control and making a woman cum more and more.

    I had found an outlet with possibilities. If its bdsm then there's more than just sticking a penis in a vagina. I could find a way to satisfy both myself and my partner, albeit a little creatively. Ordering my sub to please another man while I watch is a possibility- not being able to have sex wouldn't hinder anything all that much(as long as shes into it).

    Except, I have no idea how to go about this. How can I get something like this started? Would a someone even submit to a dom like me? Does this solve anything if I'm still not considered a possible romantic and sexual interest?

    I have no idea.
  2. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

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    Dark Nova,

    Keep looking. Don't give up. There's hope. My step-cousin is a quadriplegic with just enough upper body range of motion to wheel himself around and drive a van with a strap on steering wheel spinner. He's married and has 2 kids. Another cousin married a paraplegic. A coworker is married to a paraplegic and has 3 kids.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Darknova, are you familiar with 'devotees'? They are people who fetishize men and women with disabilities. Some handicapped people find devotees offensive, but others welcome the attention. You might seek out the online devotee community and talk with them.

    As far as domming in your situation, the most obvious thing that comes to mind is to oversee another dom who does the physical work. That may sound unusual, but I've talked with a couple doms who do this--they often get off on being in charge of other doms, and sometimes don't even require any direct sexual contact with the sub.

    Have you considered finding a sex worker willing to accommodate your special needs? Many escorts have experience working with the elderly or the handicapped, so you probably won't have too much trouble finding one. Obviously, that produces its own issues, but it might be an option for you.
  4. Tempestas somniorum

    Tempestas somniorum New Member

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    The first thing that popped into my mind was sex machines. o_O I know I'm SUPER new to this whole thing (haven't even done anything,) but in my research of everything I found sex machines. They look like they would require very little work to actually set up and the only thing you would have to do is be able to tie a knot and mount them. There's plenty of different kinds, so if you don't find one you like right away you could always find more.

    Edit: Also, I know that there's no cure for muscular dystrophy, but have you tried any kind of physical therapy or surgery for malformed joints? I know it helps with certain ranges of motion and can improve muscular strength in small increments.
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2012
  5. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

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    Thank you for the advice so far. I'll look into some of it, such as the devotees. I knew in theory there must be a disability fetish, since theres a fetish for everything. I personally don't think I'll have a problem with it since its the same as an attraction based on any other fetish (large breasts, large ass, feet, etc), as long as theres the possibility of moving beyond the 'first attraction' then its fine.

    That brings me to another point however. I'm looking for more than just a way to lose my virginity or spice up masturbation. I'm looking for alternatives to what's 'normal' in the bedroom since I can't do 'normal'. Relationships are built on the emotional and the physical. How could any relationship begin if all you can offer is love, I've done that, its called friendship.

    What I want is not to get laid(though that'd be nice), I want something that can be used as a 'work around' so I'll be able to offer a complete package so to speak. Its hard to put into words *shrugs*.

    I mean if all I wanted was sex I could've played the pity card and gotten some hot female friend to give me a hand or some head. Its a very real possibility since I've spent all my life talking people into doing things for me. Except I have this pesky conscience and it doesn't think its right to trick people into fucking you. Thanks alot Jiminy cricket.

    Physical therapy such as stretching is done more as a way to maintain the range of motion you already have than to increase it.

    My joints aren't malformed, I know this because there was a time where we were considering doing a 'contracture release', they had to take x-rays to be sure my bones didn't grow incorrectly. However, I decided against it because with that kind of surgery there is a trade off. The release is done by severing specific groups of tendions which in effect detaches the muscle from the bone. If this were to be done then, yes, I would have a greater range of motion maybe 20-30 degrees more. However, because the muscles were detatched they could no longer be used to move the limb and therefore the strength in that limb would be less.

    That might make no difference to the average person, but when you're talking about someone already 1/10th the strength of a normal person. Any loss of strength is too much.
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2012
  6. Tempestas somniorum

    Tempestas somniorum New Member

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    Well. . . Like I said, the machines would be a good alternative. You don't have to do the physical work of the machine - it'll do it for you. I've seen hand-held ones, mountable ones, ones built for dp and ones built for just simple penetration. And it's conceivable that they could be remote-operated as well as button pushing. You could use under-the-clothing harnesses for in-public but secretive humiliation and the like. . .

    For some videos on the machines, visit kink.com. . . I know they've got a section for them. I've seen a few videos, and they do look like something you could use to make, "The idea of a woman writhing, helpless, unable to do anything but accept the pleasure given. Very stimulating. I fantasized and found myself in the dom role, liking the idea of control and making a woman cum more and more."
  7. darknova42

    darknova42 Member

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    Believe it or not, I hadn't really considered that. Of course dildos and vibrators came to mind but didn't make the next logical step to mechanically driven ones.

    Though if you look at it that way, then considering lesbians don't have cocks and still do fine...

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