To Safeword or Not to Safeword

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sebastian, Oct 30, 2010.

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  1. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    So last night I played with a boy who's kind of stubborn. Early in a session, I usually humiliate the boy by making him say "I'm a pussyboy", but this boy was refusing to say it. So I said, "Ok, boy. Your safeword is 'I'm a pussyboy'. You want me to stop, you need to say that." As the scene developed, I was torturing him--working his tits, slapping his cock, paddling his ass and thighs, working them with a toothbrush--and I took him up to his limits, forcing him to use the safeword. By the end of the night, as his endurance was wearing it down, he was using it faster and faster, which of course increased the humiliation of saying a phrase he was reluctant to say.

    But it got me thinking. I was intentionally taking to his limits with pain and forcing him to use his safeword. He certainly understood what I was doing, so I suspect he wasn't going to his absolute limit, but I was repeatedly being rough enough that he used the safeword, because making him use the safeword was part of the game. And I was of course being careful to not do anything unsafe. Normally a safeword is an escape hatch, not a piece of the game.

    What do people think? Is it safe and reasonable to use a safeword this way?
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

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    I think its fine

    If he really had a problem with the word then he would have let you know that, like "no I'm really not okay with this". But if was using it (and frequently) then it must not have been THAT big a deal

    What a clever way to play a game though seb ^^
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  3. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

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    I also think it's fine. As Sillylittlepet said, if he would have had a problem with, he would have said, "No, I'm really not okay can we use something else please?"

    What a great way to play that game though. X3
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  4. kajmir

    kajmir Member

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    I think any Master/Mistress worth his/her salt knows when there's truely distress with your plaything. And considering your brain is the size of a small country, I have every confidence you would realize true distress, safe word or not.

    I think if a Master/Mistress can not detect true distress then it's one of 2 things:

    1. The playmate is new and you shouldn't be doing this without having the experience and brain the size of a small country.
    2. You should stick to dirty talk and spankings because you dunno wth you are doing.
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  5. RenamonX

    RenamonX New Member

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    Basically that situation is how me and my pet use our safeword, since at the moment we dont do too much painplay, its mostly when it gets 'too much'. Our basic game is me forcing her to knee on her bed, put her hands on her legs, after ballgaging and blindfolding herself, and handcuffing her hands behind her back. Then I basically order her to cum over and over again.

    Basically after ive made ehr cum 100+ times, maybe 15 minutes of cosntantly saying it, saying it faster and faster she msotly gives up then and calls out 'red'. As long as both sides know how the safewords going to be used it should be fine though.
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  6. pepeluism

    pepeluism Member

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    This might be sort of off topic, but I was in a "play party" once where 2 slaves were given whips and had to whip each other until one of them had enough and inserted the handle of his/herwhip inside his/her anus and then kneel down, face on the floor, hands extended forward. Basically, humilliating itself to stop the punishment.
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  7. Phoray

    Phoray Member

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    I would think anything chosen at (almost) random during a scene that has already started wouldn't be considered a serious safe word i.e. temporary for the scene.
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    I don't really think it's the proper use for a safeword and could potentially give a sub/slave the wrong idea where safewords are concerned... it also could have made him very reluctant to actually use his safeword if it was truely needed. Although it's not something I'd have used a safeword for, it was very resourceful on your part LOL
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  9. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    That was a nice game Seb. With the kind of person you described, and your experience, it was just as it should have been.
    Some subs like to test their Dom's true strength, so in this case I'm happy to see that both of you got what you wanted.

    For those less experienced it is important to stress that it is just as easy to use a real safeword, one that means "this is the wrong kind of pain" or "this is too much", along with the break-word, which is what that game is really about.

    I had a sub that liked similar games.... stubborn, but fun. I didn't change her normal safeword, but I told her a secret word and ordered her to tell no one but me. Then I changed roles and became her interrogator, using different techniques to get her to tell me the secret word. This is why I know that pain is not always punishment and orgasm is not always reward.

    If you really know your sub (and care), you may not need it but if you're just trying to break your sub, use a break-word and save the safeword for really saving your sub.

    Glad to be back on. Missed you guys.
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