More recently I've met really clingy guys who just don't take no for an answer either and that is seriously creepy. Considering I haven't even dated one of them and yet they still persist about asking me out and showing signs of jealousy when other guys look at me when I happen to be around those creeps.
Avoid getting alone with them, for starters. It isn't your fault if it happens somehow, but do what you can. Make it ridiculously clear that you don't want them and aren't theirs- "Look, I DO NOT like you, you are creepy, and you have zero claim on me. Leave me the fuck alone." If this is in a bar or club, alert the bouncer. Fetish clubs tend to be especially angry about harassment. Try not to show if you are scared to them, because if they are predators (they may just be socially awkward jerks), they will like feeling like they can scare you.
Walk away when you see them. Hang out with your nicer buddies so you have some protection. As with before, don't be afraid to make a scene if they start really creeping on you. If you're out in public, day or night, and they are following you, go to a restaurant and store, and if possible let them know someone's following you and creeping you out. Even if they don't kick them out, the other patrons and staff will be there, so they can't do anything. If you're really worried, go to a hospital or police station.
Does anyone else have the same problem or is something wrong with me? Why can't I seem to be able to attract the 'good' guys? It's not that I don't meet them because I do but they are mostly more buddies than potential boyfriends.
It happens to everyone, and it's a bit of a confirmation bias. You notice the forward assholes more than you notice someone who says hi and gets your name, then leaves you alone. They also make you less likely to notice the nice guy who is also around, giving you a friendly look.
And if you like your buddies as buddies, that's great. They'll be good friends, and most decent guys are friends with other decent guys, and you will meet someone eventually. Keep your eye out.
If you want to go out with one of them, just ask. If he says no, you can still be friends. If he says yes, you're already friends who get along great and communicate, you should be able to make a great relationship, and even if it ends, keep that.
It helped me to read that it's not uncommon to be in my situation. It did freak me out but thankfully I have great friends, who helped me deal with some of it (the old grandpa is still a source for bad dreams though) by talking about playing some practical jokes on some of the admirers.
a) I might have some resources to help with bad dreams, and will either post them or pm you when I dig them up or do a better job of typing them
b) It is awesome that the jokes made you feel better, but although you should feel better, don't let a 'revenge' like that make you feel like their actions are less severe.
The friend who suggested that and made me laugh is a really nice and admittedly cute and somewhat handsome guy. We've been really good friends since we met and have been doing lots if things together like studying math together and going to events.
He's been very attentive and acting very much like a boyfriend would at some times towards me but I'm still too shy to even try making it a more intimate relationship. Plus he is really confusing me by switching back and forth between the way he acts towards me. Oftentimes I think my head is spinning out of control by the way I try to figure him out. I do like him a lot too but I just don't know how to go about it all. It's just that I wouldn't mind us going further but I'm not sure if he's into me that way too. He does show signs sometimes, it's just that he confuses me too by pulling back subtly if I try to find out about his feelings through indirect questions or sentences. I haven't heard of the "friend zone" before you suggested it and I think our problem is kind of like who wants to make the first move. It was a good read though and I'll consider reading more of the topics shown.
As above, ask. If he asks first, great, but especially due to all your unwanted attention lately, he probably is worried that he'll make you uncomfortable, lose you as a friend, or end up being one of those guys in your eyes. The worst he can say is no.
Also, though I love you Stanley, both of you be careful with the friend zone thing. Although in this case it makes some sense, most women consider it crap and most guys who believe in it use it in abusive ways (funnily, as almost all of them consider themselves 'nice guys'). They tend to believe that 'friend zone' is a bad thing, and you 'put them there,' so they must overcome it to date you, rather than acknowledging that being friends with you is great and though dating you would also be great it's not your fault that you aren't interested in him. They also tend to get angry about not having their long-term friendship with a woman 'move to the next level,' and think friendship is a lead up to dating, otherwise you're stringing them along.
Likewise, I'd read up on 'Nice guys' (in short, guys who are all "why does no one date me I'm such a nice guy!" even though actually they just think they're better than other guys because they are the bare minimum of non-abusive and, like the friendzone people, get pissed off when girls don't give them what they want).
Your guy sounds
actually nice and the friendzone thing sort of applies since you're friends and don't know how to ask each other out. The above information is just some extra background since you've been dealing with assholes enough lately.
My problem right now is that I know that people can't really hurt me if we just meet online but I'm scared a whole lot different way if I meet random people on the street and they are that creepy and demanding. Don't understand me wrong, I still say firmly no if they creep me out but it's a whole lot of stress if they are kind of stalkerish and I don't know how to avoid them.
Again, stay firm and strong, enlist the help of those around you, and don't be afraid to be loud or alert the authorities. They need to be properly told off, and sometimes even a firm rejection doesn't do that.
P.S now you've made me curious about smallest tips against creeps. I really do hope for her to respond now and thanks again
I can't remember if you have me on Fetlife (Smallest there as well), but you can see many online examples there. There is a (admittedly somewhat obnoxious) group called Return to Sender, if you've not heard of it, that is made up of women's responses to creeps, mostly online.
I do not suggest you use that group as a reference. It just happens to be where I have my posts.
My main things when dealing with creeps (many of which are broken by RTS members, which is why I don't suggest it as a reference. Entertainment, yes.)
a) As soon as you are creeped out, say "no" and do whatever you can to end the interaction (online I break this rule occasionally, since it's less dangerous). Don't pussyfoot around it, don't go 'well maybe that was a slip of tongue.' Just stop.
b) Don't make a game of it. Don't 'tease' (eg Guy: "[something creepy]", you: "wouldn't you like to know hehe"), don't be sarcastic, don't have some clever quip. Just be clear and firm.
Despite me saying 'don't tease,' don't let ANYONE tell you you were "being a tease" even if you have said something like that.
c) If it is in a kink context, do what you can to tell them off without feeding into a humiliation or making-girls-scared fetish. Although it obviously shouldn't, it encourages them. "Piss off, I don't like you," is one phrase that doesn't feed either. As before, be ready to notify bouncers (or dungeon masters), and to make it loud and clear to those around you that if they do something that looks kinky in violation of you that it is not play. As you have obviously seen here, kinky people are
angry when consent is violated.
d) As Sebastian said, do not let people try and say you're not a "true sub" or anything. They obviously know nothing about the lifestyle, and don't belong wherever they are. If they keep being an ass/creep, follow the other advice.
Hopefully Smallest will jump into this thread. She's a femsub, but I've seen her do an amazing job of shooting down creeps on Fetlife. So she probably have some good tips for you.
Aww, I didn't know you noticed! :blush:
