Who should buy/keep the gear?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Obedient Little Puppy, Oct 18, 2009.


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    I don't know what made me start thinking about this again, but I thought I'd share it with everyone here as I am pretty curious to hear your opinions.

    When my master and I first began playing regularly, he would bring with him the several items of BDSM gear that he already owned when he visited, and take it away with him again when he left. The reason for this was because he did not want me to 'overfamiliarise' myself with it, wanted it to retain some of its mystery as far as I was concerned. But also, he does not like the idea of me using the gear with someone else, which of course I wouldn't, as it is ours to share, and ours alone :) However, I managed to persuade him to leave it at mine permanently, solely for practicality reasons as my flat is where we play the majority of our games.

    I have several sex toys, and bits of bondage gear, from before I met him, but everything bought since then has been bought by him (even though I did accompany him to the shops he bought these items from). I have made it clear that I want to contribute my fair share towards new gear, but he will not hear of it as I am unemployed and have very little, if any, money to spare for such lovely items :(

    However, this got me thinking. Should these items be bought by the dom (perhaps as a further sign of thir control over their sub), or should the sub be made to buy them (as a sign of humilation, knowing these items will be used on them)? Should it be a joint effort? Or does it matter?

    And as for the storage of the gear, is it kept hidden/locked away from the sub, or left out for them to familiarise themselves with?

    So, what are your thoughts on this subject, and which party, the dom or the sub, pays for/stores the gear in your relationship?
  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    well i'll say what we do
    we always buy toys together
    we kept gear in my house
    and yes me too won't let her use toys without me cuz i consider them mine and her as well XD

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    I'm still unsure of this dynamic. I don't like using old equipment with new partners but lets be honest, it gets expensive buying all new stuff even once let alone more than once. I usually like to leave the toys with my dom just because I think he should be the one familiar with them, not me unless by default from using them so much :D.

    But what about if you part ways? Who keeps what? It would be easy to say if you bought it you keep it or if he bought it, he keeps it but I feel like if I buy a toy or play thing and give it to him to use on me, I am gifting it to him in a way and it's his choice to give it back or keep it. I don't know, *throws hands up* it's confusing!

    Also, I find it works well that if he wants to use something, if it's a little spendy, he should buy it. If I want to use something and it's a little spendy, I should buy it. Otherwise I like being sent on missions to find things and if it's cheap, I'll buy it on the spot rather than try to find it again.
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2009
  4. Sub4Life

    Sub4Life Member

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    My Master buys the toys, but I have to be there with him. It's one of those rare times people will know he is my Master, like if we are buying restraints or paddles, I will stand next to him and we get that look from the store owner (especially if it's a regular store, but it's obvious, It's very embarassing for me". So it could be seen as a display of dominance from him.

    Since he pays for them, I would want him to keep them. Besides, I live on campus, and when I'm not on campus I live with me parents, so I wouldn't want them with me, with the risk of either my roomate or my dad or mom finding them. >.<

    Me and my Master are in a monogamous relationship so he wouldn't have to worry about me using them with anyone else, so I don't think that plays into it at all.
  5. GreyMac

    GreyMac Member

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    Blue-L is right that good gear can be very expensive. I tend to buy the nice stuff and keep it for a long time. I also agree that whoever wants the new pretty thing should buy it, unless there's a notable difference in income. Then whoever can best afford it shoud buy.

    End of relationship questions are never easy, Being gracious and saying 'you keep what you want' is best but not always possible. For convenience, toys and tools should probably stay where they're used most unless unwanted discovery is an issue. Transporting a riding crop and a long spreader bar will get you the hairy eyeball from the vanilla public. :D

    I actually like for my sub to have access to the toy box when I'm not around, if she goes into it she's thinking about me.
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2009

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    LOL. :D Not heard that one, must be a USA thing.
  7. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    i loled XD

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    Cheers, everyone, for all your thoughts :)

    Right now, I'm feeling extremely frustrated by my lack of cash. We want to get a leather hood with zips for eyes and mouth, which we will both wear. However, the cheapest we've seen one for is £60. I want us to go halves on this, as I don't think it's fair for him to spend so much on just one thing, but he refused because £60 is only a couple of pounds less than I get a week on benefits :(

    *prays desperately for someone togive me a job*
  9. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    i buy, i keep, unless its a gift. if they by, they keep, unless its a gift. plain and simple....
  10. Sub-Jenny

    Sub-Jenny New Member

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    I'm not currently in a relationship, but with my previous two it was the dom who had all the gear. The first one just had the odd bits and pieces, the second one was..well stocked. I only have a few toys that I own, and I feel that the dom should 'own' all the toys. I guess it's just another way to give them more power and control over me.

    I agree that there should be some 'mystery', but at the same time practicality overrules pretty much everything else. So it really comes down to conveniance. :p

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