Where to meet girls who are into BDSM

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by ralloh, Jun 16, 2010.

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  1. ralloh

    ralloh New Member

    So what is the best way to meet sub girls?? In a forum like this?? It seems kind of impossible to meet them in real life. I suppose you could just keep meeting girls until you get lucky.
     
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  2. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Yeah I guess

    in the personals section or an alternative dating site?
    or just meet regular girls regularly and hope that they're submissive
     
  3. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    But then you have to put up with a night of completely uneventful sex (I’m being kind as well) like me. :mad:

    Submissive women always complain that their partners are too vanilla and wont take control during sex but what they seem to forget is they have it easy, they can just lay there whereas men have something to keep hard and it’s almost imposable when you’re so focused on not being “too rough”.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2010
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  4. SubAnna

    SubAnna Member

    DT - sex can be good without BDSM, no?
    I suppose sometimes it it harder for doms.. You introduce the idea of kinky stuff and you could easily be rated "crazy rapist-guy-type-of-thing".. Subs introduce kinky stuff, and while we may be considered fucked up, it is not like somebody feels threatened if you tell them, "I need you to tie me up and I want to be helpless".. Lol..

    But I think the internet would be the best way to meet somebody who is, for sure, submissive.. It also depends - if yo uare looking for online subs it migth be easier to meet online, whereas if you want IRL first of all you have to consider distance, and second of all, a lot of girls would be wary of meeting somebody from the net IRL (they have all heard a story about somebody who did and got in trouble)...
    A little bit of advice on this IRL thing (personally, from my pov :D Feel free to disagree ;)): You have to go slow with this I think, and be sure to communicate VERY clearly that you completely understand and respect any boundaries she might have.. And focus on other aspects of your life than BDSM/sex as well, when introducing yourself :) And if you are going to meet, suggest a public place by yourself rather than force her to do so :)
    Personally I know a whole bunch of girls, who have ended up breaking off contact with a guy they actually liked, because they were not absolutely sure that he was allright..
    Otherwise I guess you could meet ppl. at like fetish conferences and the like?
     
  5. Darktruth

    Darktruth Member

    It can be but it has to be slightly rough (just a little) and last night wasn't at all. :(:eek:

    That is another problem. You're hardly threatened by somebody asking to be made helpless but you are if they want to make you helpless. It sucks being a Dom sometimes. :(
     
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  6. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    No!
    Vanilla sex kills my boner
     
  7. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Try your local munch. There are definitely going to be submissive women there, although whether they're in your age range is another matter. Fetlife is also a good place to find them.
     
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  8. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    It can be alright, but I get a little frustrated when my master is too tender with me

    I feel like a spoiled kid, but vanilla sex is just dull for me. It has to at least be rough!
     
  9. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    ralloh -

    I like the idea about finding a munch, but there is one thing that is guaranteed. If you meet enough women, you will find what you're looking for.

    What needs to be remembered is that there are many submissives that have only thought about it, and not necessarily acted on it. You won't find them at Alt, or at Fetlife, and probably not even at a munch. In my experience it's one out of 10 or 12 that know they want to play, but one in 4 that wants to try and hasn't found the guy to take them there.

    And SubAnna is right. Vanilla sex is still good sex, but don't think you can't have dominant sex with a vanilla woman. The women I've been with that like it gentle and nice are a small minority, and they don't last very long anyway.
    Listen to her advice on the other stuff too.

    How you get to that takes practice and a lot of empathy. With both of those you will learn to both read her reactions, and feed on them.
    You'll have more fun in practicing than in just looking for a woman that already knows she's a submissive. And bringing a new woman into that world is an experience every Dominant should have.

    There are lots of things you can say to break the ice your way, or to suggest during a conversation, but that's part of a larger strategy. You got to be ready.

    Be well read - find some books that work on that subjecgt (Once Bitten, Topping from Below, or Torqmada Killer, for instance). Read and find other interesting stuff on the web that realates to current or historical sex and how things work with men and women. It will greatly enhance and steer your conversations. I can't tell you how many conversation have been started just by having a book with me. Have folks over or take one to the beach, and let someone ask you about that book you're reading, but don't tell them "exactly" what it's about. Let them find out.

    Be well educated - Learn about rope (search this forum), collars, leather restraints, whips, supporting equipment (like panic snaps and emt shears), womens anatomy, and most of all - learn about SAFETY. Don't think you can do everything you see on the videos that are out there and not hurt someone in the process.
    Brame's Different Loving, Warren's "Loving Dominant", "The New Topping Book" (lite, funny), and Wiseman's "SM101". All but Different Loving cover many aspects of safety, and why it is so important to know what you are doing.
    Just understanding and being able to share perspectives on the subject will make you a good reference, not for those you meet, but those you already know. It will take you far..... And you won't get that far without it.

    Be well groomed - Keep your nails short, but not bitten, smell the way you need to, walk like a man and not someone in transition. Wear shoes that don't make you look clueless. You don't have to wear heavy boots all the time, but black is good, boots are good, and leather is good. You take it from there.

    You don't have to be the best looking guy around, but you do have to be interesting, not take yourself to seriously.... And be ready.

    Oh yea..... Welcome to the forum. Please share with us as you grow.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2010
  10. TwistedSister

    TwistedSister New Member

    If you are serious, I agree with sebastian. Check out your local scene - get out there - go to munches. A munch is a great way to form relationships (not just sexual ones but friendships). I know in the Columbus Ohio area there are many groups that have munches, parties, vanilla-type gatherings as well as classes and demonstations regarding techniques. And this is in the mid-west! Not exactly the hot bed of progressiveness!

    Fetlife is a good place to begin to find thesse munches and the men and women who run them.

    Good luck

    Twisted
     
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