Where do you go vanilla?

Sparrow69 · Jun 5, 2009

practice makes perfect. you'll get there, don't worry!

Obedient Little Puppy · Jun 5, 2009

Cheers for the support, I really hope I can better myself

Mistress_Andrea · Jun 6, 2009

subspace said:
I would love to know how others with families manage this 24/7 it can get very tricky with kids, work, school, etc. We are constantly trying to find the balance but it is very tough when you try to walk the line b/w the day-to-day â€˜normalâ€™ life and our need for D/s. It feels like two forces pulling against each other sometimes.

We manage our 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship very well... we've learned to incorporate it into the vanilla world. We have 3 children and they are clueless about all of this.... of course my oldest did just turn 3, so it's not like they are guessing at it either. However, this is not something we will share with them. Things as simple as a certain look directed my slaves way or his asking permission with his eyes become essential. I feel this brings us closer not only as Mistress/slave but also as Wife and husband because we have to be so in tune with each other. What my children see is their daddy who is completely in love with and devoted to their Mama... they see their daddy waiting for their Mama to begin eating before he even touches his food... they see their daddy open doors and pull out chairs for their Mama.... they see their daddy be the type of man I would hope both of my boys turn out to be and the type of man I would hope my daughter would marry..... a gentleman with manners. They need no more explanation than that. My slave works and I stay home with our children... at work he is to be respectful of everyone and overtime or any different hours worked must be approved by me. Dealing with family can be tricky, but again we read each other well and he knows what's expected of him. He is free to interact with and make decisions for our children... but again he knows me well enough to make a decision I will be in agreement with... he knows if his decision is poor and I don't agree with it then he will face punishment... and contrary to many in this lifestyle, my punishments are meant to punish and not to be enjoyed. We make it work. Live, Learn, and Adapt. Above all else respect, love, trust, and care is a 2 way street and essential in this relationship. Just as it takes a lot of strength and control to dominate someone, it takes a lot of strength, courage, and trust to submit as fully as my slave has.... and that level of commitment and trust is to be respected and well taken care of.

subspace · Jun 6, 2009

Wonderful peek into your world and how to make it work, thanks Mistress_Andrea.

Nyx · Jun 6, 2009

Everyone's insights are great. Thanks for sharing! And thanks nix for introducing this topic. I've wondered this myself.

My boyfriend/master and I have elements of bdsm running through our relationship and we have time set aside for more serious 'scenes'. Because we're in different states right now, and for much of the summer, a lot of our lifestyle takes place online.

Amuk · Jun 6, 2009

Sparrow69 said:
For me its quite simple. I have a wife, an ex-wife, and 4 kids (2 with each). I don't hide anything from my kids that vanilla parents don't. I don't let them watch me have sex, and I don't let them watch me discipline others, just like a vanilla parent won't argue in front of their children. Take it in the other room. When asked, i give informative answers, allowing my children to be informed and non-judgmental. I provide the same amount of information about ever situation that may be considered taboo, so that my children don't have the moral hangups that our culture breeds, which often lead to hatred and intolerance.

Think of it this way. for those of us here interested in hentai anime like "la blue girl" with scenes of demons, violence, colorful language, sexual assault, and sexual intercourse acts that include, oral, anal, vaginal, bondage, incest, and bestiality, these are reserved for adults here. In japan, these same cartoons are viewed on public tv as Saturday morning entertainment.. their children are more accepting of variable cultures, self expression, and self acceptance. Their violence rate is less then 50% ours and hate crimes are closer to 70% less then ours per capita.
By educating their children, as opposed to shielding them from what we feel may be harmful to view, their children are more accepting and understanding, and this more respectful to their brethren.

Sparrow, I think that is a very good philosophy. Wish I had been raised with no secrets, but at the same time I'm glad I was spared some until I was older. Though it wasn't anything major, so it's all good.

The Japanese really do a great job on treating their fellow human beings with respect. My Japanese teacher once left his wallet on a busy subway in Tokyo, only to go to the lost and found with ALL of his money still in it. That wouldn't happen in most cities in other countries, especially the U.S. Then there's also the person who'll be guiding my trip through Japan next week. He and his wife had purchased an expensive sake set for a friend, and accidentally left it on the bus. They tracked that very bus down, getting to it near the end of the day, and it was in the exact same spot as it was.

Thing is, in Japan, people just act like everyone is their neighbor. Well, almost. If you're Japanese, or even just asian, you'll get treated a tad better than a "gaijin" (means foreigner, but usually just refers to white people). They aren't racist though, more of just prejudiced. They think Westerners are weird basically, but we think likewise, so it kind of evens out.

Anyway, if the U.S. could only be a little bit more like Japan in accepting their fellow members of society for who they are, then that would be great. Maybe someday...

nix · Jun 6, 2009

I was raised to be non-prejudiced and open minded about everything and I intend on doing the same when I have kids, so I completely agree with Sparrow.

Tarynsslave · Oct 5, 2009

nix said:
I'm just curious as to where people's S&M activities end? Is it just something you do to spice things up in the bedroom, is it a 24/7 lifestyle choice, or somewhere inbetween?

For me and my partner, it's a regular part of our sex lives and while we're not too 'extreme' in what we get up to, it would definitely be enough to make most vanilla couples blush. I don't think either of us would enjoy sex very much without it. Occasionally it bleeds over into our regular lives, but not too much (you probably wouldn't guess it by looking at us).

So where does everyone else sit?

Mistress Taryn and i attempt to live the Lifestyle as close to 24/7 as possible. I do consider myself to be as true slave. There is not one moment that passes by where I am not under some form of Mistress' control- i.e. collar. Mistress also keeps me permanently plugged as a reminder of my status as Her property. I sleep and go to work plugged- there's really nothing i can do to avoid feeling owned!
Obviously, the collar come off when it comes to dealing with family/close vanilla friends, but that's it really.

ex-vanilla · Oct 5, 2009

We're certainly not 24/7 yet, and I don't think we ever will go that far. We're just starting to explore this, but the more we explore it, the more I realize we never actually were vanilla. We've only been with each other, so I had always thought our sex life was normal...

Sub4Life · Oct 6, 2009

My Master is always the more dominant. I just like having someone who will take charge and tell me what to do. But I can make my own desicions and he wont punish me for refusing or argueing about something that effects me.

He will always punish me though if I am disrespectful or don't obery an order. (We have written down what I have control over and what he does. (Large important desicions are mine, he controls small details, he will order food for me, or pick out the soda i drink, what he wants me to wear.)

My Master is very Kinky though, and so sex is never Vanilla, it just comes down to, am I getting slapped or tied up this time? lol

Where do you go vanilla?

Sparrow69

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