Where do you go vanilla?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by nix, Jun 5, 2009.

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  1. nix

    nix Guest

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    I'm just curious as to where people's S&M activities end? Is it just something you do to spice things up in the bedroom, is it a 24/7 lifestyle choice, or somewhere inbetween?

    For me and my partner, it's a regular part of our sex lives and while we're not too 'extreme' in what we get up to, it would definitely be enough to make most vanilla couples blush. I don't think either of us would enjoy sex very much without it. Occasionally it bleeds over into our regular lives, but not too much (you probably wouldn't guess it by looking at us).

    So where does everyone else sit?
  2. pyroaquatic

    pyroaquatic Member

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    The only time I partake in vanilla activities is...

    when I eat ice cream. :D
  3. EZRA

    EZRA Member

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    I don't know yet.
    Right now, it seems to be bleeding in to our everyday life.
    Not that there is any outward manifestations it's all very subtle of course.

    There has definitely been a subtle shift in Goddesses attitude.(for the better)
  4. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    I simply don't. It's a lifestyle for me and my wife, which we embrace 24/7. While we're not always dolled up in leather, latex, and lycra, we are who we are and that is in no way vanilla.

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    My boyfriend and I's sex life is primarily vanilla, with the exception of Friday's. Those are our reward days.
    I'm definitely the vanilla person in the relationship, in fact- if it weren't for him, I wouldn't even be participating in it. He's the only reason I do it.
    =] So, I'm very plain, but I'm starting to come around to the subculture.

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    For us it is a 24/7 lifestyle choice. There are ways to make everything fit into the Vanilla world so that no one outside of the lifestyle notices any difference without sacrificing my expectations and his duties.
  7. subspace

    subspace Member

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    We are so vanilla on the outside, no one knows about the D/s part of our live (except you fine folk). Our sex life is almost entirely D/s with just very few exceptions while everyday has become a mix of vanilla and BDSM. I would love to know how others with families manage this 24/7 it can get very tricky with kids, work, school, etc. We are constantly trying to find the balance but it is very tough when you try to walk the line b/w the day-to-day ‘normal’ life and our need for D/s. It feels like two forces pulling against each other sometimes.
  8. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    For me its quite simple. I have a wife, an ex-wife, and 4 kids (2 with each). I don't hide anything from my kids that vanilla parents don't. I don't let them watch me have sex, and I don't let them watch me discipline others, just like a vanilla parent won't argue in front of their children. Take it in the other room. When asked, i give informative answers, allowing my children to be informed and non-judgmental. I provide the same amount of information about ever situation that may be considered taboo, so that my children don't have the moral hangups that our culture breeds, which often lead to hatred and intolerance.

    Think of it this way. for those of us here interested in hentai anime like "la blue girl" with scenes of demons, violence, colorful language, sexual assault, and sexual intercourse acts that include, oral, anal, vaginal, bondage, incest, and bestiality, these are reserved for adults here. In japan, these same cartoons are viewed on public tv as Saturday morning entertainment.. their children are more accepting of variable cultures, self expression, and self acceptance. Their violence rate is less then 50% ours and hate crimes are closer to 70% less then ours per capita.
    By educating their children, as opposed to shielding them from what we feel may be harmful to view, their children are more accepting and understanding, and this more respectful to their brethren.
  9. subspace

    subspace Member

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    Thanks Sparrow, that really does make sense.

    Edit: I appreciate your ability to take the complex and break it down into simple terms.
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2009

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    Sometimes my master and I will do vanilla stuff, as we don't have a 'proper' relationship we can't meet as often as we'd like, so when we do we do have some normal sex, but he is teaching me about BDSM as I have previously only known about bondage. I have not been doing so well and am quite ashamed, but really want to do so much better :(
  11. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

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    practice makes perfect. you'll get there, don't worry!

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    Cheers for the support, I really hope I can better myself :)

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    We manage our 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship very well... we've learned to incorporate it into the vanilla world. We have 3 children and they are clueless about all of this.... of course my oldest did just turn 3, so it's not like they are guessing at it either. However, this is not something we will share with them. Things as simple as a certain look directed my slaves way or his asking permission with his eyes become essential. I feel this brings us closer not only as Mistress/slave but also as Wife and husband because we have to be so in tune with each other. What my children see is their daddy who is completely in love with and devoted to their Mama... they see their daddy waiting for their Mama to begin eating before he even touches his food... they see their daddy open doors and pull out chairs for their Mama.... they see their daddy be the type of man I would hope both of my boys turn out to be and the type of man I would hope my daughter would marry..... a gentleman with manners. They need no more explanation than that. My slave works and I stay home with our children... at work he is to be respectful of everyone and overtime or any different hours worked must be approved by me. Dealing with family can be tricky, but again we read each other well and he knows what's expected of him. He is free to interact with and make decisions for our children... but again he knows me well enough to make a decision I will be in agreement with... he knows if his decision is poor and I don't agree with it then he will face punishment... and contrary to many in this lifestyle, my punishments are meant to punish and not to be enjoyed. We make it work. Live, Learn, and Adapt. Above all else respect, love, trust, and care is a 2 way street and essential in this relationship. Just as it takes a lot of strength and control to dominate someone, it takes a lot of strength, courage, and trust to submit as fully as my slave has.... and that level of commitment and trust is to be respected and well taken care of.
  14. subspace

    subspace Member

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    Wonderful peek into your world and how to make it work, thanks Mistress_Andrea.
  15. Nyx

    Nyx Member

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    Everyone's insights are great. Thanks for sharing! And thanks nix for introducing this topic. I've wondered this myself.

    My boyfriend/master and I have elements of bdsm running through our relationship and we have time set aside for more serious 'scenes'. Because we're in different states right now, and for much of the summer, a lot of our lifestyle takes place online.
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