What's the difference?

Sparrow69

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Fuggles - your distinction is exactly correct. the written agreement i share with my subs allows them certain freedoms, and these agreements are for 1 year.

MLML - I do believe Subspace answered it best. Given that you have some freedoms to choose on your own, even though they are within guidelines, they are freedoms none the less. i would classify you as a sub, not a slave.
 
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subspace

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i suddenly feel downgraded -.-

If you have seen yourself as a slave and suddenly realise that by definition you are a sub it may be a bit of a let down. Just remember that the only thing that is important is that you and you partner are satisfied with the level you are at. There is no point in going further than is enjoyable to you or him just so you can carry around a label. Slave does have a nice ring to it but a subbie is what I am too.
 
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kittengrey

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If you have seen yourself as a slave and suddenly realise that by definition you are a sub it may be a bit of a let down.

Yeah....yeah, just a little
But the difference between just a d/s relationship and the one I have with Master is that it interchanges since we're lovers. I mean, the lovers thing came first, then the d/s, so its a very fine balance. When I'm in sub mode, then yeah, I'm basically a blank canvas for Master to control completely. Hell, I'm starting to nearly fall asleep on his command (takes a few minutes to actually start drifting off into sleep, but hey, its something) and I was shocked the first time I came on command cuz neither of us had ever worked on that, my body just did it because he told me to (kinda scared the shit outta me actually cuz I didn't know my body would react like that to a verbal command without training it to) but then there are the times where its like "hey hunny, go take out the trash" and he'll of course say "yes dear" and forget and I have to remind him about 5 times, he laughs every time I remind him then finally I have to stand next to the door and watch him as he does it or else he forgets again. And of course I scold him for leaving the toilet seat up or whine at the things he does and the lame jokes he sometimes make, but we're extremely happy together and we both like our normal relationship times as well as the d/s times.
Of course, he's still working night shifts. Once I move in and he's working days, we'll have more time and he'll have more energy. we'll see how it goes once the real training starts ;)
 
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EZRA

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I think only a few people have the resources to engage in a full time "Master/slave" arrangement.
I know for that Mistress and me for one would not be able to do it.
The demands of our life are too great for that leval of commitment.
We would have to structure our whole lives around it and with the social reality of kids and our economic reality's.it would make it much too difficult of an arrangement.
She basically dosent have time or the energy to take on the responsibility of slave ownership.
I have to operate as a full partner the majority of the time just so we do have time to "play"



I think the idea that if your not in a total power exchange relationship, your not serious about BDSM is misguided at best.
I also belive that a subs/slaves comintment to thier Doms/Masters pleasure is the only real measure of a subs leval.
Trying to "coerce" my mistress into a relationship that only places more stress on her and one she dose not want, is not a commitment to her pleasure.
If the day should come that she asks for such an arrangement I would be happy to go there with her, but for now she is happy with the current arrangement so I can do no more to improve her life.
Having said all that I think the label of "slave" or "sub" only describes the arrangement and not the leval of comintment to your Masters or Doms pleasure.

soooo....don't beat your self up because your not called "slave" or are defined as "salve" this has nothing to do with your value or commitment.
 
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Sparrow69

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If you have seen yourself as a slave and suddenly realise that by definition you are a sub it may be a bit of a let down. Just remember that the only thing that is important is that you and you partner are satisfied with the level you are at. There is no point in going further than is enjoyable to you or him just so you can carry around a label. Slave does have a nice ring to it but a subbie is what I am too.

I think only a few people have the resources to engage in a full time "Master/slave" arrangement....

I think the idea that if your not in a total power exchange relationship, your not serious about BDSM is misguided at best....

soooo....don't beat your self up because your not called "slave" or are defined as "salve" this has nothing to do with your value or commitment.

I think both of these wonderful people have hit the nail right on the head. It's no so much about what your called, ans it is about the level of enjoyment you get out of the relationship you have. Don't beat yourself up over your presumed label. As Ezra said, and I speak from experience, it takes a long term plan and steady resources to engage in 24/7 slave relations. just because your a sub, doesn't mean your not just as serious about this lifestyle, it just means you have a happy arrangement that your comfortable with at this time. who knows, later on, you may have less of a relationship, and you may have more of one. either way the choice is yours to make, just like everyone else's.
 
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