What's a switch to do?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by ThisGuy, Jan 31, 2012.

  1. ThisGuy

    ThisGuy New Member

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    Hello everyone. I'm new to this site; I thought I'd pop in with a question. You all seem like nice people and I thought it would be nice to have some nice people to talk to about this kind of thing.

    So I'm a switch; I can dart from one extreme to the other over a matter of words (it can be really inconvenient at times where you're enjoying a lovely scene doing a bit of domination but then the sub says something a little... *interesting* by accident and then suddenly there's two subs and an awkward moment when there's no one to direct them) but all the kinky relationships I get into have me firmly set as the dom in any default setting (More than fine by me). But here lies the problem; every now and then in a blue moon for a week or so or more I become so submissive I just can't dominate properly. Well; I tell a lie; that's not a problem. My pet (who I've owned for a few months now) has gotten quite used to dominating me on occasion so everything's just peachy in that respect.

    Anywho; to the point; my pet had been on such good behaviour recently I thought it was about time she was rewarded with my collar; something we'd both been looking forward to for sometime; so you can imagine surprise knocked me round the head like a stray Frisbee when she declined my collar.

    Sad, I know; but her reasons seem pretty sound. She didn't like the idea of her possessing something so important to wear and cherish as a symbol of her being mine and that it would probably sit unused at the bottom of a draw whenever I find myself on a submissive stint.

    I'm finding it a lot to think about, so I was wondering if you lot had any opinions on the matter?
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  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Guy, I'm not sure which part of this you're looking for comment on. So I'll just toss out a few thoughts.

    1) Lots of doms enjoy being submissive from time to time. The guy who mentored me in bondage did it in part because it was an excuse for him to sub. But he doesn't like anyone to know he has a sub side, because he's very picky who he subs for. When a dom like that owns a sub, one of the sub's duties is to dom him when instructed to do so. Sounds like you've gotten that part worked out with your pet.

    2) Your pet said she was looking forward to getting collared, but then refused the collar when it was offered. Her reason was that during the periods when you were submissive, she wouldn't want to wear your collar. Have I got that right? It sounds to me like you need to talk with her about that, because her reasoning doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me. In my experience, when people say something that doesn't make sense, either they aren't giving the real reason or they are confused about their feelings and don't understand what they want. Either way, you need to talk with her and get to the root of the matter.

    3) She may be saying she doesn't want the relationship to be a permanent relationship (she's not ready for the commitment that a collar symbolizes to her.) Some BDSMers see a collar as the equivalent of a wedding ring, while others just see it as a symbol of the power exchange for however long things last. So you might offer her a training collar, a collar that simply says she is giving up some of her power for a long as you're both happy with the relationship.

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