What is to be done with my sub

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by yorkshiremale25, Feb 7, 2012.

  1. yorkshiremale25

    yorkshiremale25 New Member

    A quick question (I'm at work - excuse any typos etc). I was with my sub last weekend and we had a fun time. I feel I met the role of the Dom with some success. We were busy all night, though in the day I didn't really reprise the position. My sub had asked that we do a full 24 hour play. I'm obviously alright with this, though I would like some advice on how to accomplish it. I understand it's a case of getting into the mindset for a longer time frame, though I am wary of 'downtime'. What would be done for the moments between play. All feedback is welcome. If this made little to no sense, I will re-write it this evening.

  2. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Set up some basic protocols to structure your interactions with your sub. Simple protocols can extend the sense of power exchange very nice, even when you're doing otherwise mundane, vanilla activities.

    Here are a few protocols that I used with my first slave:
    1) Whenever we leave the apartment, the slave walks about two paces behind and slightly to the left of me.
    2) The slave steps forward to open all doors, except doors that I have the key to. The slave holds the door for me as I walk through.
    3) The slave carries all packages for me (unless they are too many for him to reasonably handle), other than my briefcase.
    4) Whenever we have been apart (ie, one of us has gone to work or something like that), the slave kneels and kisses my feet when we see each other again.
    5) The slave helps me on and off with my jacket.
    6) The slave does not sit down until I have sat down.
    7) I order all food my slave eats.
    8) The slave does not eat until I have taken a bite of my food.
    9) I do not say 'please' or 'thank you' when giving any sort of instruction. "Slave, refill my glass with water."
    10) The slave helps me dress and undress when it involves leather or boots.

    You can easily add to or modify these rules as you like. Let your sub suggest additional ones that s/he would like. You of course have final decision. The point here is to create a sense of structure and ritual to your otherwise mundane interactions that turn even small moments into an expression of your dominance and the sub's submissiveness. Most of these protocols are subtle enough that they require little modification when out in public (although 4 is best kept for when you're in private).

    But it's important to realize that these rules bind you as well as your sub. For example, when you approach a door, you need to slow down to give the sub the opportunity to serve you by opening the door. The sub needs to provide service, and the dom needs to provide a chance to be served.
  3. Anna2

    Anna2 Member

    I personally would not enjoy some of the mentioned protocols. As a woman, I would not want to open the door for a guy or carry his packages, even if he is my master. Kneeling in front of him when alone sure, carrying heavy stuff no thanks.
    I think some of those suggestions might work better with a male sub than a female sub possibly.
  4. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    Only for some female subs. I like doing most of those for my Master, and it's more likely I'll insist that I should walk behind him or open the door than he will say I should.

    Of course, I think for any sub, unless it really causes a problem for you, or you cannot (perhaps carrying heavy packages), the priority should go to pleasing your Master, not what you'd prefer to do. And of course, as sebastian said, you (OP or Anna) would be able to change those rules. They're just a starting place. But that's only my opinion.

    As a more personal to you thing (Anna), I don't understand your opposition to opening the door for him.
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2012
  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Anna: I think a lot depends on what degree of power exchange a sub has with his/her dom. If you're a 'daddy's girl' or a pet, to my mind that implies that the sub has some real say in things like protocols. So if your daddy wants a protocol that you don't like, you'd be entirely with your rights to disagree and negotiate a more satisfying protocol for you. On the other hand, a slave agrees to surrender virtually all say over protocols, and to do as s/he is told. So if you're a slave and your master gives you a protocol you don't like, I think that the only way you should object is if the protocol is somehow a deal-breaker (for example, if your dom demands that you have unprotected sex and that is a complete deal-breaker for you). I think it's also reasonable for a slave to say that protocols that are physically unhealthy in some way are automatic deal-breakers (for example, my first slave had serious knee trouble, and found kneeling in front of me painful and probably damaging to his knees; I agreed that I would not demand kneeling except in unusual situations). So if a slave is given a deal-breaking protocol s/he can reasonable refuse or negotiate. If you insist that all the protocols you live under be ones that you enjoy, my personal opinion is that you're not a slave, but a daddy's girl.

    If your dom gives you a protocol that is physically challenging, such as carrying heavy packages or kneeling for prolonged periods, a slave should work hard to be able to obey those protocols. If they are so challenging as to be impossible, the slave should tell his/her dom that the protocol is too difficult and ask for something less challenging. A good dom doesn't demand things his sub cannot do, because that's a formula for frustration.

    But as Smallest has said, that's my take on the issues. You and your dom should work out whatever protocols work for you as a couple. There isn't one right way to do power exchange, and it's supposed to be a source of pleasure for you both.
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2012
  6. RopeRanger

    RopeRanger Member

    If you are a people watcher, some of what Seb suggests is a key indication that the people you are watching are in a D/s relationship. There was a time when it was very commonplace for the male to order for himself and his partner. As this in very rare now, when we do this it draws interested looks from the waitstaff. When we move our play outside the bed room, I often have mine pull our luggage. We're obviously together. It becomes even more obvious when I pause at the door and wait for them to open it.
  7. Anna2

    Anna2 Member

    Lol, I was just always brought up that the guy opens doors and carries stuff fpr the girl.

    And saying please and thank you, well that's just good manners. My husband enjoys me begging and saying please to him quite often. But he also will say thank you if I've done a good job of pleasing him.

    I think I personally would be considered more of a bedroom only sub than a "slave". I do see the difference.

    I agree the protocols are up to the couple involved so whatever makes you and your sub happy.
  8. Rico

    Rico New Member

    If I may be frank: When you don't know how to "accomplish" a 24 hrs play, you might want to delay it altogether. You don't seem to be ready for this when you have doubts and are wary of downtime. You don't need to prove anything, neither to you nor to your sub, and I'm sure your sub would understand if you explained to her that this might be a bit too much at this time.
  9. ^How will he ever learn if he doesn't ask? Nobody is born with this knowledge. It doesn't sound like he's out to prove anything, he sounds interested. The answer isn't a simple one, but that doesn't make him any more or less capable of carrying out this type of relationship.
  10. Rico

    Rico New Member

    I didn't say he shouldn't ask. And I didn't say he's not up to this kind of relationship, either. But if you go into a 24 hrs spell worrying about things, I stick to my opinion that you're not yet ready for this. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm for patience before disappointment.
  11. a lot of harm can come from downtime...
  12. Kor

    Kor Member

    When the stick is enjoyable, it's easy to forget the carrot.

    It is difficult to maintain a successful long-term relationship without some of both.
  13. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    Kor's right. A BDSM relationship shouldn't be all discipline and push factors. It should also includes compliments, rewards, and other pull factors.
  14. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    The whole Daddy/girl argument was moved to DLG Discussion.

    Related from my old post: "And Kor, I like your wording."

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