What defines being bi?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Ruelee, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    I wasn't certain whether to put this here or in the Open area, so I guessed.

    I realise there can be no single defenition of what makes anyone bisexual, as no doubt everyone has different views on what does and doesn't consist of, but I'm trying to understand where I stand on the matter. Whenever I try to do this for anything, I find it helps to have other opinions.

    Essentially, what I'm trying to understand is at what point do you consider to be the end of straight/gay/lesbian, and the start of Bisexual?
    Does just having fantasies about the other gender count?
    Does having a 'cyber' relationship, BDSM or not, and having a cyber-experience count?
    Or does it mean actually having an experience, or feelings for someone of both genders?

    As I said, I realise it's hardly a black-and-white issue, but I'm more interested in people's standpoints on it.
  2. Scarlet

    Scarlet New Member

    I spoke about this to a friend of mine yesterday. She believed the only way to know is to physically engage with both sexes and then decide.

    When it comes to sex, both men and women appeal to me. But relationship-wise, I only like men.

    although I'm very very very very picky about my women.
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    The normal way to think about this is the Kinsey Scale, which runs from 0 (absolutely no interest in the same sex) to 6 (absolutely no interest in the opposite sex). 1 and 5 represent people who are overwhelming of that end of the spectrum with a mild curiosity (occasional fantasies, for example) in the opposite position. 2 and 4 represent people who are predominantly of their end, but with substantial interest in (and perhaps some experience with) the other end of the spectrum. 3 represents people who have equal or nearly equal interest in both sexes. I am probably a 5.8 or 6 (I have no desire to sleep with women, but I have occasionally had fantasies in which a woman was involved alongside a man).

    Now there is some complicating factors. Some people may have a strong sexual attraction to one sex but only feel emotional bonding with the other. Some people may have little attraction to one sex but may be capable of functioning sexually with the other occasionally (such as a gay man married to a woman). Some people may have strong attraction to a sex but have no experience (or indeed may have no desire to act on their desires). And what gender/sex you are does not necessarily relate to what sex you are attracted to.

    So what is bisexual? I suppose I would say that anything from 2 or 2.5 to 4.5 or 5 indicates some degree of bisexuality. Does that mean someone in that range needs to self-identify as bisexual? Probably not, but personally I think they should.
  4. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Being a bisexual myself, I like to think that love should be genderless. I'm attracted/falling in love with the person, regardless of their gender. There are a lot of "shades" of bisexuality (see the kinsey scale) but I'm a 50/50 kind of girl.

    If you could see yourself in an emotional and physical relationship with someone of either sex then you're probably bisexual but you're the only one who can decide in the end.
  5. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    I'm pansexual, so gender doesn't really matter to me.
  6. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Agreed I'm 40/60 I love women more
  7. CSomething

    CSomething New Member

    This is an interesting subject that I've given a lot of thought to. I have found that while I am not sexually attracted to a member of the opposite sex (or rather haven't found a guy yet that I'm sexually attracted to), I often am emotionally attracted to the other sex. I wouldn't be opposed to sex with or including another man, but I wouldn't seek it out.

    Now does that mean that i'm a 1 or 1.5 on the Kinsey? well yea, probably and that makes this post much less interesting, but still. Perhaps everyone's a little bi, they just haven't acted on it yet?
  8. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    It's certainly an interesting topic, with all kinds of different viewpoints on it.
    I appreciate all the input, really. I didn't mean to leave the question and disappear, but I had a bad case of Real Life crop up.
    I'm starting to get a feel for where I am on it, or at least what I'm attracted to, but I guess it's hard to say for certain without actually being in a relationship either way?
  9. CSomething

    CSomething New Member

    I guess you can claim that you aren't certain if you are truly bisexual until you have tried sex with members of both sexes, but unless you really don't know yourself or like to lie to yourself a lot, I would guess you can have a pretty good guess?
  10. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    See that's the thing - I don't lie to myself, but I also have the nagging feeling that if I go into a relationship with one or the other, what's to say that I won't realise then that it's not that way that I was interested?
    I hope that's clear. It's been a long day.
  11. Tumbl3

    Tumbl3 Member

    Then go into that relationship with that on the table. There are rational people out there who are willing to try, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
  12. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    Honesty being the best policy again. I guess I should have thought of that.
    Thanks everyone. I feel at least more certain of where I stand now.
  13. kittengrey

    kittengrey Member

    I have been with both genders myself (I was lucky enough to have a point in life where I was dating both of them at the same time with mutual agreement on both sides for the open relationship) And although I'm married to my male Master, I have moments where I'd love to have a woman in my bed again. But to me, emotional attraction is blind, and I am pansexual. I don't look at the gender either way, but the personality and person that's there, no matter what they have in their pants.
    But everyone has a point in their life where they aren't sure which way they're looking. It really about trial and error, and doing what you feel is right.
  14. princedorian

    princedorian Member

    Hi. I am bisexual male, but but the bdsm lifestyle works for me only with men. I could never serve a woman, I even have been dominant with them couple of times, and I enjoyed it. On the other hand, I couldnt have "normal" sexual relations with men, I am only interested in being their slave. This probably makes me a twisted and troubled individual, but as long as it works for me, what the hell.
  15. Nuka

    Nuka Member


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