MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Vanilla, I'm not very experienced (only recognized my dom side for what it was about two months ago), but I was married for 8 years to a guy who had all sorts of sex issues (he was both distant and controlling about sex but tried to meet my needs), so I know a few things about what you're wrestling with. We both found sex dissatisfying, but I loved him deeply and was willing to forgo a truly satisfying sex life because everything else in our marriage was very satisfying. He eventually decided that he wasn't willing to make that same commitment to me, although he tried. We would still be together if he had made the commitment I did, and we would have broken up much sooner if I had decided I wasn't willing to make that sacrifice. So my point is that there's no way to predict how it might go. With love, commitment, flexibility, honestly, and compromise on both parts, you may be able to make it work. Is a fully-satisfying sex life worth losing all the other things that make your relation good and satisfying. No one gets everything they want in a relationship. My guy was 85% of what I wanted, and that seemed like a lot to me, so I decided to sacrifice the 15% that was sex. Evidently, I was less than my ex's 85%, and he couldn't do it. But only you and your husband can figure out whether you can make it work. It is possible. I know of someone on another site who explores d/s in non-sexual scenes outside his marriage because his wife is vanilla but he's committed to the relationship, and he's not the only one.
I guess my practical advice would be to find out exactly what your husband needs. It might be bondage. It might be pain. It might be humiliation. It might be verbal abuse. Or it might be some combination of them. Then decide for yourself if you can provide any of those things for him, even if they might be uncomfortable for you. Yeah, spanking your husband and calling him a dirty slut might not excite you, but you might find that it's not so bad that you can't do it occasionally if the alternative is giving up a meaningful marriage. When I jack off, I love to play out a fantasy in my head, complete with dialog. I told my ex that, and he reluctantly started telling me stories as he stroked me. He struggled with it--it really didn't come naturally to him-- but he eventually got to be ok with it, and did it well enough that it satisfied me. And I saw it as a gesture of love--he was trying to meet my needs even though it made him a little uncomfortable. So find out what he wants and dip your toe in that particular pool.
Part of what is hard to understand about a sub is that they want things that the rest of us find to be unpleasant. For example, I find the idea of men wearing women's panties sort of icky--I'd never do it. But a sub who enjoys feminization may find that being ordered to wear panties gives him a chance to set down the burdens of masculinity for a while and feel free of the need to be in control. So what I as a dom would find unpleasant if it were done to me is something that a sub finds a liberating release. Thus if I order him to wear panties, I am not being cruel to him but being kind and caring. So your husband is not asking you to actually be cruel to him; he's asking you to express your love for him in a language that means something very deep and visceral to him. "Ich liebe dich" means nothing to an English speaker and sounds rather harsh, but to a German it means "I love you". So if your reluctance is that you can't see yourself being mean to the man you love, domming him isn't actually mean; it's loving.
But please don't think I'm telling you that you should do this. If what he wants is something you know deep down you don't want to do, don't do it. You need to maintain your own hard limits. But you might find that some of the stuff you think you won't like isn't so bad. I grew up chubby, and had to learn to be very accommodating and pleasing in order to get attention from guys. So I tended to see d/s stuff as sort of extreme. But the first time a guy offered to let me have total control over what we did, with no regard to what he wanted (in the scene, at any rate), I found myself totally turned on. Prior to that, I had always thought I had vaguely sub tendencies. So you might find (and note, I said 'might'--no guarantees at all with sex) that once you wrap your head around it, you might enjoy some elements of domming. Who doesn't want a sex partner who does exactly what you want? Even subs want that; it's just that what they want the partner to do isn't necessarily what the sub wants on the surface.
How's this? Blindfold your husband and just explore him. Tell him that you will decide what happens. He has to just lie there and do what you want. Then do whatever interests you. You can caress his body, kiss him wherever you want, go down on him, and mount him--objectively you're probably doing things you do during sex anyway, but you're making him passive, which is probably at least a taste of what he wants. If you enjoy that or find it unobjectionable, slowly branch out. You can talk dirty to him or tease him about wanting to be submissive if he likes abuse, spank him or pinch his nipples if he likes pain, maybe tie him to the bed with scarves if he likes bondage. Or make him serve you. He has to pleasure you any way you choose, and after he's done, you decide if he did a good enough job to deserve a spanking or something else he wants. The first time he does it, tell him it's not good enough and he'll have to wait until tomorrow night to try again to get that spanking. Lots of male subs love that sort of sexual frustration, and you're getting a lot of sex. Do you like a rough man to take you aggressively--tell him that's how he has to please you, and tell him afterward it he wasn't man enough for you (even if you loved every minute of it). My point here is that there are lots of ways to integrate elements of d/s into your love life that don't involve black leather corsets, japanese bondage, and tit clamps. They may not be everything your husband fantasizes about, but they might be a way to meet some of his needs in a way that you can be comfortable with, and they allow you to find out if there is anything in d/s for you. Don't be put off by the darker elements of d/s--lots of d/s couples never go near them.
Fileboom Premium Account
Keep2share Premium PRO Account
