Upper and lower case for Doms, subs

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by L8NightQ, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    I recently noticed that one of our new members was not capitalizing when they used the term Domme, or Dom and used a pm to advise him regarding standard punctuation for these terms, as well as for Dom usernames v sub usernames.

    To my surprise, he pointed out to me that many of our regular posters often "don't" use the rules I was recommending.

    I've been doing it so long that I don't even know where I picked this up.

    So I'm asking for both of us now..... Is capitalization a rule or just a preference now when referring to a Dom or sub?

    I use lower case to refer to anyone who is a sub, even if I use their name to start a sentance.

    Here's the advice I gave him;

    Your thoughts?
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  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Damn master jey lol someone change my initials...
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    There are no universal rules in bdsm, so the capitalization protocol, while common, is not mandatory. It's fairly common, so advising a sub to capitalize is not bad advice, but while it may be important to some doms and subs, it's unimportant to others. I, for example, find it a little silly and some expressions of it (like 'W/we') drive me crazy. I'm much more concerned with proper title usage, like Sir. But since some people find it important, I would never tell someone not to do it, unless he was my particular sub.
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  4. uniongirl

    uniongirl New Member

    Personally, I think it is a little silly, and being a sub that may not go down well with some. I think of it like this; just because I am submissive to my dom, it does not follow that I am submissive to all dominants, therefore I have no need to show extra deference to anyone. Especially online. I hope that I am polite, but I don't feel a need to be subservient to anyone except my particular dom. I am sure other people might feel differently, so I wouldn't stop anyone from choosing their own path. I admit I have also sometimes followed the convention because I get tired of being jumped for it by people who seem to think it very important.

    I also agree with Sebastian that the extensive usage of forms like W/we is highly annoying.
  5. Infinia

    Infinia Member

    generally i just go with the flow or what my mistress says and she mostly goes with just using proper gramar. English is not my first language and learning it can be annoying enough without worrying about bad spelling in forums, aside from that i do agree with uniongirl i serve my mistress nobody else to me it would be insulting her if i was to subservient to someone else
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  6. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Very good points guys. I hadn't thought about it that way.
  7. It shouldn't matter. It's just personal preference.
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  8. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Personally I think its a little overboard when people go so far as to capitalize (there was even the sub who capitalized "She" because he had a mistress) but then again some people love to go overboard

    hehe, its funny l8night but I would say most of us don't use the punctuation!
  9. Ruelee

    Ruelee Member

    I tend to capitalize Dom or Master only when talking about my own, otherwise I stick to proper grammatical capitalizations. If there is such a thing.
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  10. Nuka

    Nuka Member

    Personally, W/we use the capitalisation rule. Even when starting a sentance with the sub name ashlie, it's in lowercase; as is if she writes anything, it's lowercase i.
    (And Master, Sir, He, His, Him [anything refering to Nuka or written by Nuka from first person is capital I] is in upercase).

    I think it is a preference but it is pretty much universally used throughout different communities. The only problem is that a large part of the community like to switch roles; if only for an hour or a day, or to take it in turns. So then this becomes confusing as to D/s capitalising... also what if your hand slips and you happen to miss it when you reread what you've written?

    I think though if the acronym of the "scene" is D/s, then the usage of names coined under the D/s grouping should be in Upper D/lower s format.

    But that's just us.
  11. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

    Maybe this is just a difference between those who have embraced or immersed in the culture and those now, who may never get the need to (this is not meant as an insult).
    Yet, Seb. You, who I consider a mentor, and certainly an authority, have immersed in, and embraced this culture for as long as I have and your comments are different than I would have thought.

    30 years ago BDSM was pretty much an underground culture, with many of the things we think of as normal considered illegal (even with consent).

    Then again, maybe this is just one of those aspects of going mainstream. To tell the truth, maybe it's time to not be so concerned about old cultural formalities and just live as who you are.

    When I started my own self discovery about who I am and what that means, there wasn't an internet community to jump into. There were books, munches, clubs, etc....
    Those who talked about it then were pretty serious, as are many now.

    I certainly have absorbed a lot from this thread.

    And, yes NukAshlie.... What do you call a switch?

    Thank you Jeremy, for suggesting this.
  12. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

    L8: I'm honored that you respect me so much. I'm not sure I'm experienced enough to be a mentor, but I try to bring common sense to the way I do bdsm.

    I have a pretty pragmatic streak. I recognize that not everyone views bdsm that way I do, and vice versa. I don't have a lot of patience for One True Wayers, in whatever social group I'm in. People get into social activities like bdsm for a variety of reasons, and it's foolish to think that everyone gets the same things out of those activities. Some people really get into pony play, but I don't get any spark from it (at least not yet). It would be silly for me to say that pony play isn't bdsm, or for pony players to say that it's only bdsm if it involves pony play. Same thing with capitalization protocols. They do little for me, but they do a lot for others, so my sense is that if it does something for some people, there's no reason not to do it, but for me it seems fussy and it pokes my grammar nazi.
  13. Nuka

    Nuka Member

    Just generally where the sub becomes the Dom for a period of time. Or where the couple take it in turns to be the sub and turns to be the Dom.

    The switching then can become confusing. For example Jade and James are D/s where Jade is the Dom.

    Then the couple exchange places for a set period of time, or in fact they take it in turns to be the Dom/sub.

    So then it's continuously going Jade, jade, Jade, jade, Jade, jade, etc.

    If you catch my drift :p

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