Thoughts on who is really the Dom?

My Love My Lord · Dec 10, 2009

So, on another forum I'm on, there's a TON of threads of different types of slavery. I came across a paragraph though that I thought was interesting and wanted to get the thoughts from all of you.

"Believe it or not, the dynamics of a BDSM relationship are often driven by the submissive, not by the dominant. The submissive sets the limits; the submissive decides what places can and can not be explored; the submissive has the ability to call a halt to the scene. The dominant, in many ways, is simply a facilitator. It's the dominant's job to create a setting where the people involved can explore the submissive's fantasies."

The thread goes on the argue that since it is the sub that is in control of the scene, that in reality, it is the sub that holds the power and is therefore dominant.

What are your thoughts on this?

Sparrow69 · Dec 10, 2009

while i agree in theory its not so cut and dry as it is in print. yes a sub does set those limits, and those conditions, but its often a give and take, and those limits are set by how much they trust and respect the will of the dom they have chosen. I'd say that while the sub does have power, so does the dom.

InnocentFacade · Dec 10, 2009

I've often actually thought that . . . while I know I'm going against the grain here, I agree that the submissive is generally in practical control of the situation . . . the Dom is in charge physically and emotionally. Like all healthy relationships, there is a certain balance of power, but that power has many layers!

Obedient Little Puppy · Dec 10, 2009

Well, without one, the other will be comletely useless. Each needs the other, in order to create that amazing partnership. Both must work together, to get the perfect balance for them, so that they can both get whatever they desire from a session.

Sparrow69 · Dec 10, 2009

exactly, its a symbiotic relationship.

My Love My Lord · Dec 10, 2009

Obedient Little Puppy said:
Well, without one, the other will be comletely useless. Each needs the other, in order to create that amazing partnership. Both must work together, to get the perfect balance for them, so that they can both get whatever they desire from a session.

So, Im going to play devils advocate here because I want to see where this goesâ€¦ (donâ€™t shoot me guys!!! And yes, I know I have not yet posted my own personal opinionsâ€¦ Lol)

There are those that would argue that a Master would still be such without owning a sub/slave by sheer virtue of Mastering himself. But, can a sub/slave really be such without a Master to serve? That being said, is it truly a symbiotic relationship?

And maybe this goes to the difference of what oneâ€™s looking for. If the goal is a session/scene, then yes, I agree with OLP and Sparrow. However, if the goal is a TPE type relationship, than I think that creates a different dynamicâ€¦

Sparrow â€“ Iâ€™ve been reading those books too much I thinkâ€¦ lol

Sparrow69 · Dec 10, 2009

My Love said:
So, Im going to play devils advocate here because I want to see where this goesâ€¦ (donâ€™t shoot me guys!!! And yes, I know I have not yet posted my own personal opinionsâ€¦ Lol)

There are those that would argue that a Master would still be such without owning a sub/slave by sheer virtue of Mastering himself. But, can a sub/slave really be such without a Master to serve? That being said, is it truly a symbiotic relationship?

And maybe this goes to the difference of what oneâ€™s looking for. If the goal is a session/scene, then yes, I agree with OLP and Sparrow. However, if the goal is a TPE type relationship, than I think that creates a different dynamicâ€¦

Sparrow â€“ Iâ€™ve been reading those books too much I thinkâ€¦ lol

I'm glad you like them

In the response to your devils advocacy, I do the same: Is a sub not still a submissive to his/her own desires? I contend that while one can be without the other, 50 cents while still valuable, will never go as far as a dollar.

My Love My Lord · Dec 10, 2009

Sparrow69 said:
I'm glad you like them

I do, very much, thank you!

Is a sub without a Master really submissive to her own desires, or is she simply a girl that has unfulfilled desires?

Thoughts on who is really the Dom?

My Love My Lord

Member

Sparrow69

Moderator

InnocentFacade

Member

Obedient Little Puppy

Moderator

Sparrow69

Moderator

My Love My Lord

Member

Sparrow69

Moderator

My Love My Lord

Member

Similar threads