sebastian
Active Member
MIRROR: Download from MEGA
Decoy, sounds like you've found a good place to start. One word of safety advice, if you're doing impact stuff (spanking, paddling, flogging) avoid the lower back and the upper buttocks. You don't want to hit the kidneys or the base of the spine, both of which are vulnerable because they're right under the skin; it's easy to cause real pain and lasting injury. Target the lower buttocks and the upper back. The risk is a little less with spanking than with a tool, but with pain play, always think safety first.
You might try getting verbal with her as you spank her. Depending on whether she likes talking dirty, you might try something like "yeah, this is what you want, isn't it, bitch?" And then force her to answer you.
Some subs get quite an erotic charge out of being forced to verbalize their desires. Just last night I met a new boy for the first time, and he was really nervous--he was convinced everyone in the coffeehouse knew what we were doing. Really early on, I said "what do you want, boy?" And he kind of stuttered around and finally said "what we talked about online." Right there I knew I'd found a button and I said "I want you to say it out loud." I thought he was gonna orgasm right there as he struggled to say "I want to be at your feet licking your boots." If your gf is anything like this guy, she may have a sense of shame about what she wants, and being forced to say it out loud might A) be very arousing for her and B) be therapeutic.
If you find that she's struggling with anything (like saying her desires out loud or letting herself relax enough to enjoy something), praise her when she makes progress. Tell her how proud you are of her. I told my boy last night that I was proud that he had worked up the courage to meet. Lots of subs want their dom to be an authority figure who both praises and disciplines them.
L8: I've got a lot of natural talent for psychology. My mom taught me from a very young age to reflect on my feelings and explore them, and it's taught me how to understand other people better. I've often thought that if I hadn't been a historian, I might have been a therapist. I've done therapy a number of times myself (and actually, since I've realized my dominance, I've thought about going back and exploring a few issues), and I've done a little bit of reading about therapy. And when I first got into d/s play, I did a ton of reading about it, including the psychology of it. A lot of the stuff I post is really just what seems like common sense to me.
D/s play is inherently dramatic and theatrical, and it can easily tap into the same things that role-playing therapy taps into. I think part of what happens for a sub is that a good dom wears two hats simultaneously. The outer hat is the cruel master, the one who selfishly inflicts pain, humiliation, and so on. The inner hat is the loving partner, the one who helps the sub meet his or her needs, expresses love and affection, and so on. So the dom can simultaneously be a trusted guide and traumatic figure to be confronted. The sub knows that the dom isn't really an abusive father or a rapist, and therefore it can become safe for the sub to acknowledge his or her feelings about the person who hurt him or her.
But obviously this gets into very deep water. So it has to be done slowly, like desensitization therapy for a fear of spiders or flying. And the dom has to be prepared to stop if the sub shows signs of being upset.
You might try getting verbal with her as you spank her. Depending on whether she likes talking dirty, you might try something like "yeah, this is what you want, isn't it, bitch?" And then force her to answer you.
Some subs get quite an erotic charge out of being forced to verbalize their desires. Just last night I met a new boy for the first time, and he was really nervous--he was convinced everyone in the coffeehouse knew what we were doing. Really early on, I said "what do you want, boy?" And he kind of stuttered around and finally said "what we talked about online." Right there I knew I'd found a button and I said "I want you to say it out loud." I thought he was gonna orgasm right there as he struggled to say "I want to be at your feet licking your boots." If your gf is anything like this guy, she may have a sense of shame about what she wants, and being forced to say it out loud might A) be very arousing for her and B) be therapeutic.
If you find that she's struggling with anything (like saying her desires out loud or letting herself relax enough to enjoy something), praise her when she makes progress. Tell her how proud you are of her. I told my boy last night that I was proud that he had worked up the courage to meet. Lots of subs want their dom to be an authority figure who both praises and disciplines them.
L8: I've got a lot of natural talent for psychology. My mom taught me from a very young age to reflect on my feelings and explore them, and it's taught me how to understand other people better. I've often thought that if I hadn't been a historian, I might have been a therapist. I've done therapy a number of times myself (and actually, since I've realized my dominance, I've thought about going back and exploring a few issues), and I've done a little bit of reading about therapy. And when I first got into d/s play, I did a ton of reading about it, including the psychology of it. A lot of the stuff I post is really just what seems like common sense to me.
D/s play is inherently dramatic and theatrical, and it can easily tap into the same things that role-playing therapy taps into. I think part of what happens for a sub is that a good dom wears two hats simultaneously. The outer hat is the cruel master, the one who selfishly inflicts pain, humiliation, and so on. The inner hat is the loving partner, the one who helps the sub meet his or her needs, expresses love and affection, and so on. So the dom can simultaneously be a trusted guide and traumatic figure to be confronted. The sub knows that the dom isn't really an abusive father or a rapist, and therefore it can become safe for the sub to acknowledge his or her feelings about the person who hurt him or her.
But obviously this gets into very deep water. So it has to be done slowly, like desensitization therapy for a fear of spiders or flying. And the dom has to be prepared to stop if the sub shows signs of being upset.
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