Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by sweetling91, Oct 17, 2012.

  1. sweetling91

    sweetling91 Member

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    Hi everyone

    I don't really know where to put this question but I figured you guys can probably help me out a little.
    I don't have any sexual experience yet... but I always get drawn by bdsm contents like in erotic stories or dreams where force is used on me. For some reason I always have better results if someone is constantly pushing me to do things. I don't really know what that means about my character...
    Am I submissive or WHAT!!!
    Sadly I don't have anyone yet who could answer that question for me.
    So I'm hoping that you guys can help unravel my brain.

    BIG hug for anyone with answers.....

    .....and a kiss
  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

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    It could mean you're submissive. Since you mentioned BDSM and submission rather than dominance, I'd assume submission is what you're drawn to, and your dreams would confirm that (they're pretty common fantasies for subs and vanilla wo/men who want to be). You could also be a switch, or even a domme who just hasn't mentally explored that yet (as far as I know), so don't close doors on yourself, despite what I said.

    Do remember though, that even in a BDSM relationship, being pushed or pressured into things isn't good. You would be controlled, but you have to set limits and know you can say 'no' (or your safeword)- otherwise, it's not safe play. It sounds to me like you'd be switching from things like that into an outrightly BDSM relationship?
  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Have you read the Newcomer's FAQ? There are a lot of ideas in there that might help you. Read through some of the posts and see what arouses you, what connects to fantasies that you have, what you might want to try some day, and what turns you off. If you find that you like the idea of things being done to you (rather than doing things to others), being told what to do (rather than telling others what to do), being tied up helpless, being humiliated, and so on, then you might be a submissive. And note that you don't have to like all of those to be submissive. For example, you might be interested in being tied up, but not in being humiliated.
  4. hanray

    hanray Active Member

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    I think you are submissive.
  5. sweetling91

    sweetling91 Member

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    It's really hard to figure things out if your still single and didn't have those kinds of experiences but I really, really thank you for the advise
  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    Yes, it is frustrating. But you can at least get some sense of what turns you on. Do you live near in or near a major city?
  7. sweetling91

    sweetling91 Member

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    near a major city but it's not that small.
  8. DearElliot

    DearElliot Member

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    I dont think that sounds unusually submissive, over the years I have met so many ladies who want mannequin sex...they are there, the male or female demands, requires, forces, rapes, ...some use a lirttle torture, nipple biting or pinching, some a riding crop, (used gently) and the woman is dripping wet. Mind you I dont mean from a stranger..rapist etc. I mean consenting.
    I sometimes think it is a way to be a slut yet have the perfect excuse for doing it and not have guilt.

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