Submissive girlfriend

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by mrnjau, Mar 8, 2010.

  1. mrnjau

    mrnjau New Member

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    I'm in need of some advice and guidance

    I'm not into BDSM, but my girlfriend really is. She reads bdsm comics..manga I think they're called, likes to be tied with ropes....dominated basically. I'd like to suprise her with some new kind of domination, but I have no idea what to make her do as I said I'm not really into this

    she likes only sexual domination. She bought a chain that I put on her neck and walk her around like she's my dog. also she likes it when I spit in her mouth during sex, spank her ass or put her hand behind her back to feel like I'm raping her...rought sex basically, or anything that would make her a sumbissive bitch as she said. and one she suggested that sometimes she'd like me to be really rough to feel like I am raping hit her and choke her to feel like I'm raping her. I think she'd also want me to piss on her but I really don't want to do that.

    So, she's up for anything, as she told me many times. the problem is I'm a bit conservative so I get satisfied with just plain missionary sex. I don't get it and I don't want do get it....I feel a bit weird even when she talks about fucking her in the ass altough she'd like that too

    So...Any ideas? I don't mine walking her around like a dog but I draw the line at pissing in her mouth and stuff like that...can anyone give me some guidlines what she would probably like? because I really have no fucking idea what to do.

    thanks and sorry if I'm posting into wrong forum section

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  2. master jey

    master jey Moderator

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    basic of BDSM is conversation you don't have to guess what she likes just ask her...ask about her limits there is just no way thet she likes everything
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  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    It might help you to change the way you're thinking about what she's asking you to do. The tricky thing about submissives is that they they crave things that you or I would find unpleasant, such as being slapped, choked, or peed on. If someone did that to us, we would be humiliated, angered, and upset, and so we naturally tend to think of those things as expressing emotions like anger and hatred, feelings that we don't want to express toward our loved ones. But for a submissive like your girlfriend, those gestures aren't unwanted. Your girlfriend enjoys feeling like she's being forced into sex. Perhaps she was brought up to think that sex was evil or dirty, and so being forced is the only way she can enjoy sex. Perhaps the intensity of the feeling of being slapped makes sex feel 'real'. Perhaps being submissive in sex is an opportunity for her to set down the burdens of decision-making in her normal life. Regardless of why she feels this way, she desires sex like this. She's not mentally ill, this isn't necessarily evidence that she was abused, or anything like that. If she's like most subs, she's a normal, healthy woman who simply is emotionally hardwired to crave this sort of activity.

    So slapping or choking your girlfriend isn't an expression of anger or dislike; it's an expression of love. Slapping her tells her that you love her enough to meet her emotional and sexual needs. Let's turn the situation around for a moment. Let's say hypothetically that you really enjoy receiving oral sex and that she's not crazy about performing it. You would probably hope that she would perform oral sex on you occasionally simply because it's something you like, and if she doesn't enjoy doing it, you would interpret her doing it as an attempt to please you and meet your needs. Giving her rough sex is the same sort of thing. You might not enjoy it, but it's something she craves. If you can learn to think of pretending to rape her as a way to say that you love her enough to meet her needs, it will get easier.

    And you might find that your reluctance to be rough with her has more to with the fact that you've been taught to not be rough and aggressive with women and less to do with the fact that you don't like rough sex. Enjoying rough sex doesn't mean you're evil or immoral or disrespectful to women or that one day you'll go out and actually rape a woman. There is a huge gulf between pretending to rape someone and actually raping them. In the former situation, you're letting your girlfriend impose her will on you (you're 'raping' her because she's asking you to do it); in the latter situation you're imposing your will on her.
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  4. L8NightQ

    L8NightQ Member

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    It's not like you can get everything from a book, but you should try one called "The new Topping Book". You can order it, or if you're in a major city, you can probably find it in an alternative book store. It will help you understand her psyche, and give you some guidance on how to dominate her with some regard for her safety.

    With someone that is so far ahead of you, these scenes that are so normal in her fantasies are way out of your league right now, but over time and with the right inclination and effort to understand, you could climb right on that ride with her.

    I had a buddy with a girlfriend like that. When they made it, she always asked him to hit her. He wouldn't. Etc. Etc..... Finally, after many such requests, he said OoooooooKaaaaaaaay.... and did. Knocked her off the bed. We all laughed about this for days (yes.. including her, after a while). He just didn't understand what she was looking for.
    But they did break up. He just couldn't relate. Some just don't.

    Lesson is, that you have to grow into these things..... So don't assume you should do "everything" she asks you to do at the time.
    A good Top or Dom knows the difference between hurt and harm. Being a Top does require you to understand a bit of who she is, so you know how to react and how to provide what she needs.
    Please remember that it's gonna be a lot easier if you remember that these scenes are about her for now, since you're still growing.
    Once you really start to control her and force some orgasms out her, and once you start understanding that orgasms are not a reward and that pain is not punishment, you will be on your way... But it will still be about her.

    To her, the additional pain she wants from you actually enhances the sexual stimulation she feels, through two possible paths. (1) channeling the pain directly into her sexual response, or (2) using the pain to make her feel more helpless in you domination of her, or a little of both.

    My guess is that you already feel some sensations from your light domination of her and that's why you're looking for advice. In the beginning I just liked to tie her up and fuck her. Over time that changed altogether, I still enjoy the dominant sex, but I relish the control, the stimulation of all her parts in the many ways that I can, and I most enjoy her struggles while I make her cum. It's like learning to lick the sucker instead of chewing it up the first chance you get.

    By the way, only certain people can pee in their girlfriends mouth, and only certain girlfriends will ask for it. I'm saying that your conversations "should" include what you and her both feel comfortable with, and what you not comfortable with at this time. You should also do some exercises to see what her tolerances her. A good way to do this is to set up a scene, knowing you're going to talk as it goes. Just call it a test, to see how things go. Try hitting her at different strengths with different things on different places. Ask her how it was, and if she says "harder", up the ante. As you talk more and do more, things may change. I do suggest that you tell her your not comfortable without saying "Why the fuck do you want me to do that". In this world we all struggle enough trying not to judge ourselves. it works better if we don't get it that judgement from others.

    ....Lastly, when spanking her with a cat or other extension of your hand, watch your aim. Many subs like to be hit hard on the "sweet spots" of their ass, but if you hit her genitals or rear entry port (asshole) with the same strength you will get a whole new sensation, and, possibly, some recovery time. Learn this before you start gagging her.

    If this doesn't work out, I'd like to meet her. She sounds like a wonderful

    Oh Yea... Your in the right section.
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  5. Dom-me

    Dom-me New Member

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    Mrnjau. Firstly i want to applaud u on seeking more out in this rather than going "fuck no!". To me that shows u have strong feelings for ur girlfriend and that's awesome.

    As a sub myself I want to give u this advice: more than anything else be careful how u respond to her requests. As crazy as they may sound to u we subs request these things because of a deep need whther they be emotional, mental, or physical. Take the pissing on her for example... To u it's disgusting but I've done and requested it and it does meet a need (wait till my Angel reads that, we haven't discussed that yet! Lol). Anyway the point is: she is asking for a reason and the last thing u want is to make her feel belittled by asking. I'm sure u can understand why that is not a good idea...

    Best of luck mate and stay patient and understanding.

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