sub leading Dom ?

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by EZRA, Jun 2, 2009.

  1. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    If you have read my Intro then you know that Goddess of the Universe is new to this and I am only slightly less new.
    I am trying to let her know that she is in complete control without overstepping my place.
    Am I being impatient and should just wait she'll figure it out on her own or is there a submissive way of getting the message across?
    I know with out a doubt that she enjoyed herself and wants to do it some more , but
    I get the feeling that she is holding back considering my feelings or mood and in the interest of her well being and getting the most out of this I feel she should stop that ,with out .... a.... telling her directly that seems too.. "not submissive"

    I want to give her my total obedience should just tell her? or wait for her to ask?
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2009
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  2. subspace

    subspace Member

    Oh boy this is tough one for a sub to answer at least, but most of us have been there more than once. The subtle approach can work; it just tends to take a long time to get things moving. It sounds from your intro like you are off to a great start though.
    You can always just be direct and have a very honest conversation with GOTU (often easier said than done).
    I have had to take the Domme position (hate it) to get the point across “I LIKE IT LIKE THIS-HELLO, MY TURN PLEASE!”
    I have also tried giving my partners a favorite BDSM book with specific passages tagged.
    Otherwise keep buying GOTU toys and set up some scene’s that won’t be too overwhelming to help draw her in.
    I think it is important to remember that you have obviously been thinking (plotting) about this lifestyle for a while, while GOTU is kinda being swept up into it, so keep that in mind-she can’t read your mind!
    Have fun and keep us posted!

    Edit: how could I forget the Secretary thread? Watch the Secretary with GOTU!
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2009
  3. pyroaquatic

    pyroaquatic Member

    What about natural Dominance? they are in control from the first to the last moment. Perhaps your Goddess needs to locate another with more experience. Sharing is caring you know.

    it is nice to hear you are communicating. i know a lack of it can destroy a relationship like this. it is almost like a delicate cave ecosystem. Goombas and all.
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  4. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    !PLOTTING! how dare you suggest..........................
    well ok I can't sell it to my self either, subspace but you on the other hand would never" plot " I'm sure of it.(psst. go read Explaining marks thread)
    The more I thought about it the more I think I'm just excited and want to jump to the next level before it's time I need to relax and just let it happen naturally which brings me to pyroaquatics post and the answer is she is very naturally dominate and once the flogger was in her hand she was in control from start to finish.I am certain she will get there on her own it's just she suppresses that part of her so much I feel it's hard for her to just let go what with societal expectations and all. I want to open the door sorta speak make it ok for her to what is natural for her and help her understand I'm not going stop loving her for it quite the reverse actually. I think I'm fighting cultural programing and she might not see the difference between this and the abuse she suffered in childhood very clearly yet.
    Intellectually yes she sees it but not emotionally.
    Right now I think meeting with another dominate at my suggestion would be something akin to a loss of Face, and embarrassing for her plus I think subspace is absolutely right about not overwhelming her but in the future she might like to after she come to understand it more.

    me, I know what I have to do which is suck it up and patiently wait for her commands, and be ready when they come.
    after all she's in charge.

    I think that the movie Secretary is probobly just a good Idea in general she likes movies.
    and maybe a very subtle scene?
  5. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    Communication is key to any relationship, but in the BDSM world it can kill you quicker then raid in a hornets nest.

    I'd suggest just discussing the status of your relationship and telling her the things you've really enjoyed so far, as well as asking her what she's really enjoyed, so that you can both capitalize on these experiences and use them as a foundation to build a stronger bond together.
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  6. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    Yes, Sparrow as usual you got strait to it.
    I knew that I was getting wound up over nothing ,sometimes self knowledge isn't enough but
    we finally found a little time to talk last night.
    Thank god for this forum because I was able to calmly and clearly tell her how I felt.
    She informed me that she had enjoyed herself "alot" and she actually blushed which she never dose, then she suggested that I was soo naughty that she might never be able to straiten me out but she would try and try no matter how long it took.

    I love her.
  7. subspace

    subspace Member

    Wow, what a great turn of events! Congratulations!
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  8. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    I'm glad you two got to talk about everything. So many times i see/talk to people to afraid to discuss things even with their Dom or Sub because of the negative connotation associated with the subject matter by the rest of the world.
  9. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    I have an unfortunate habit of over thinking everything, even knowing this I still do it so I like to have people to talk to so I can get some feed back to help me center my self.
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  10. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    that's what we're all here for, to talk, discuss, and keep each other from doing things that are monumentally stupid.
  11. subspace

    subspace Member

    or better yet, get you doing things that are momumentally fun!
  12. EZRA

    EZRA Member

  13. GoddessMaya

    GoddessMaya New Member

    I actually agree. It should come naturally, she may not know how great she can be yet... Yes, let her hang out with a few more experienced Doms and in no time, she'll be like the rest of us. Besides, everyone starts as a beginner.

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