When I was 12, I realized I identified with the alternative lifestyle culture. Being brought up in an extremely conservative!traditional household, I did the healthy thing, and stuffed it all in the proverbial box, and never let it out again. I guess somewhere between then and now, I became the exact opposite of who I really am, as a way to deal with it. Who I really am is submissive, bisexual, more feminine qualities. Fast forward 17 years, and I have a gorgeous wife, with 3 beautiful kids. My wife was brought up in a similar environment, with much more religion crammed down her throat. Sex has always been an issue, as hiding everything only works until you miss something. So, she always knew I was hiding something, she just didn't know what. After 7.5 years together, I finally told her everything about me. That I am really the exact opposite of who I portray. After we worked through that, and discuss that she is bisexual also, it came time to talk about bdsm. I told her how I really feel, that I'm more inclined for a more permanent, lifestyle, type situation, giving up all control. She is very interested in this. Over the last 17 years though, I've conjured up a whole lot of baggage, I guess, about it. Everything from what I envision happening, emotions, good and bad, scenarios, etc... I feel like I have to tell her all of these thoughts, and it makes her feel very pressured. It also makes her think I'm trying to control it, when I really don't. I need to somehow drop all that and move forward. I know we'll both need support from each other, and not sure what to do there either. We've set up a 2 week window to try stuff out, and feel each other out, before we go into the complete lifestyle. I guess I'm asking for advice on what to expect, how to deal with problems up to this point, how to support each other correctly doing this, and, well, anything I've forgot. We both really want this, and don't want to screw it up. I hope someone can help me out here. Frigging struggling to make it all perfect, for some reason. Thanks for reading this!!! I guess one of the biggest problems I have is I always seem to want to make suggestions about what i want done, based on what I have dreamed about. Yet at the same time, I don't want to have any power, rights, opinion, etc, and I don't know how to deal with that.