Something happened last night....

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by James40, Oct 29, 2012.

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  1. James40

    James40 New Member

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    Hi all,

    I hope I have found the right place to share my story and I welcome any feedback to help me understand what happened last night and how best to address this new experience.

    We've been married for many years, this has been turbulent and in some ways abusive over the years both verbally & physically. In general it has been mostly passive with horrible blow-outs once in a blue moon.

    What happened..

    We had a major row last Friday that resulted with me spending the weekend away. I was calling the marriage over, not wanting to see her again. That's it i'm moving on.

    She comes to see me where I have been staying on Sunday night and we hit a brick wall with our sexual incompatibility conversation, polar turn-ons etc..

    Anyway, we start talking about one of my fantasies and I show her a short porn video online that mirrors the easy and natural setting that I fantasise about. She enjoys it and agrees that'd she'd love to do it for real in the right situation.

    This gets us both horny and we start touching, undressing and getting it on. Right....this is where it gets a bit confusing...

    She starts scratching me lightly and I ask her to go harder, I normally wince at this but after the constant arguing and nasty text messages over the weekend I could feel her passion.

    I knew she was holding onto some anger so I asked her to get it out, never done this before so she scratches my chest really deep. I don't feel so much pain I only feel her emotion. Then crazily I told her to hit me with no idea where this was going.

    She was afraid too but I convinced her she needed to let her anger out. So she slapped my in the face fairly lightly at first. That wasn't really doing it so she hit harder. Now we moved onto this point she admits it really turned her on. After every hard punch or slap she would suck me off before getting ready for the next hit.

    I was really enjoying this, seeing her strong and releasing her emotion. She had been holding onto her anger for years.

    Next thing we have got off the bed. Standing facing each other naked and i'm asking her to hit me hard full on in the face and stomach. She gives me a couple of big hits to the sides of my head and makes a punch bag of my stomach. She had a memory for each of these punches...

    We hug, kiss and make love. it was amazing.

    After, we talk about how bizarre what just happened and conversation got quite deep. She felt brilliant for being able to hit me after all these years in a way she never thought she ever would.

    We both found the experience incredibly sexual and also incredibly healing. It gave her rise to me as an equal and I accepted everything she threw at me because I knew I deserved it all.

    Today, we have briefly spoken about how surreal it was (hard with kids about) but we are both really looking forward to doing it again.

    I know that we don't need to do this every time we make love but it is certain to now be a part of our sex life. Please understand this is completely one way with only her hitting me.

    I don't know what category or label this has (if any) but I hope someone here can hear where this is coming from and give any advice.

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and I welcome any feedback. I'm still digesting the full extent of this myself and I don't know where else to share this experience or even if it classifies as BDSM, if it does then we have a starting point to explore this new experience.

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  2. Nairbrother

    Nairbrother New Member

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    Rough body play: punching, slapping, etc.

    If you enjoyed it, look to explore more and possibly, for Her, research some Female Domination stuff such as whips, flogs, shackles, collars, leashes, the whole bit. If you just enjoy it in the bedroom, that's perfectly alright.

    Maybe she would really love to see herself as in control of YOUR pain instead of YOU controlling Hers.

    Something to think about, read up on the Newbie FAQ and learn :)

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  3. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    James: It sounds to me that you've discovered that you're a masochist and your wife may be a sadist, or else she's getting off on being able to express her aggression (which makes her dominant, but perhaps not a sadist). And you've both discovered how BDSM can be used to lower barriers, express honesty, and bond at a deep level. So keep exploring. Read the Newcomer's FAQ--it might help you sort out some things.

    Be aware that pain play does carry some serious risks. If you and she are going to explore beating you, make sure that she learns where the safe places to hit are (basically, they're the meating parts of the body--thighs, upper back, pecs and upper arms, stomach but only if you're prepared with tight abs. Avoid the lower back, the joints and boney parts and the face other than the cheeks).
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    It could just be that you enjoy angry sex... I really wanted to have angry sex both ways with my ex- him hitting me and me hitting him. I felt as though I'd caused him so much pain through out the years that I deserved to be hit (plus being slapped in the face really turns me on), and I also wanted to hit him. He refused to slap me, though, and also hated pain:( But when you have tension in your relationship, angry sex feels good.

    Or perhaps, you're a mascohist and she's a sadist... I think she's just pissed off. LOL.
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  5. James40

    James40 New Member

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    Thank you!

    Thank you all for your replies!

    I think the biggest relief I have is your understanding. Your advice and comments made me smile (& laugh) while I was anticipating a barrage of abuse.

    I don't think we're ready for props at the moment but tonight is going to be the follow up :) - i'm still feeling a little tender in some places so will probably go a little easier...maybe lol

    I had nowhere to turn when I found this forum and you've made me feel welcome. Thank you so much!

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  6. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    James: You should set a safe word with your wife, a code word to let her know that you need her to stop hitting you in a certain spot. The FAQ talks about it.

    Most of us have felt some worry that people might react badly to our desires. We're pretty understanding; as long as what you're doing isn't harming you or your wife and you both consent to it, we're not likely to rebuke you.
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