So I have a sub...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by Lissy, Dec 25, 2011.

  1. Lissy

    Lissy New Member

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    A guy friend of mine recently confessed to me that he is a closet sub looking for the right domme. The thing is, like a few other subs I know, he wants the domme to be able to prove herself worthy of being his domme. He litterally told me that he wants to be "broken" into submission. He was asking for my advice on his situation on how to find a domme that could possibly break him. He's a cop, who wasn't too bothered by being tased to be certified, or pepper sprayed, and is the type of guy that wouldn't see anything as being good enough to make him psychologically submit, when sexually, he wants to be dominated. I'm just trying to think of different things to tell him, because every sub I've personally been with, they were more than willing to submit, so I've never had to "break" someone before....
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  2. Lord Vader

    Lord Vader New Member

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    Broken physically, or mentally/psychologically?
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  3. Aibo

    Aibo Member

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    Heh, that's not the first cop who's into BDSM. :) Yes I am of the firm belief that there's a larger number of cops who's into this sub or dominant than in the population on average.
    There used to be a special place for us with this interest located near a police station. And the number of policemen off duty were quite higher there than one would expect.

    The idea of breaking in a sub can be important psychologically, it helps the sub to let go of inhibitions. And so its a ritual that is beneficial both for the dominant as well as the submissive. How to do it depend entirely on the individual, since I never met any of you and have no information here its a matter you have to figure out for yourself.
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    I wonder if the conversation you had with him concerning his interest, was more directed towards you. Being submissive in nature usually encompasses a level of trust with the dominant partner, and his discussions of something personal like this with you would only lead me to believe that he may have some inclination towards you serving that need as he has trusted you with that information regarding his interests.

    The mental breakdown of a submissive partner is pretty typical from what I have experienced. It has not been uncommon to hear requests from submissive partners to their dominant partners to bring them to the cusp of breakdown, and building up from there. It adds to that transition of control. There are also some who seek that emotional breaking point as a means of release.

    He needs to be able to express what his breaking points are as well as weaknesses and strengths to his dominant partner. If he really shares himself with that dominant partner, and help her get a much better understanding of who he is, it will help in the break down process!
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  5. sebastian

    sebastian Active Member

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    In my experience, the guys who want to be broken react very well to being told that you don't particularly need to prove yourself to them; they need to prove themselves to you. Act like you're willing to play but don't particularly need a new sub, so he can play by your rules right from the start or else he can find someone else. Don't compromise at all. If he threatens to walk away, tell him to go ahead, because you'll know he'll be back when he's willing to admit that he's not in charge. (If he does walk and doesn't come back, you lose, but you don't lose much, because he'll always fight you for control.) Limit his contact with you--tell him when you'll meet and he can show up at the designated time or you won't be there. Keep the meeting short, cut things off as he gets interested, and tell him to come back tomorrow at the time you set. If he can't make the time you set, tough luck for him; maybe he'll get another shot at meeting you in a few weeks. If you meet, give him a precise dress code; if he fails to meet it to the T, send him away for another try.

    The whole idea here is to get the high ground right at the start and never cede him an inch. He's used to being in control, so wrong-foot him from the start. That's part of what he's looking for.

    I've taken this approach three times, and it's worked twice.

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