Slave rights

ronin

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I've been combing Wikipedia, and it looks like that "slave", differently from "submissive" of other therms, within the BDSM community refers to TPE (or APE as other call it).
Probably our communication was weak on this part, as there are other, lighter, forms of submission that do no stretch that far as TPE. She's probably into one of them, whereas I'm fully into TPE.
This point has to be well talked over: any good brand of whip to suggest? :)
 
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AriBee

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I'm sorry if I seemed rude, I've been a bit grumpy today, so that may have come across in my earlier post ^^!

This is just a thought I'd figure I share, I'm not sure if it will help you or if you've thought about it. (Hey, I may be playing the role of Captain Obvious over here, but it can't hurt to say ^^).

If she said she would be willing to participate in a polyamorous relationship before and then she suddenly changed her mind, it's likely that her feelings towards you have changed. There's a fair chance that she really fell for you and really didn't like the thought of sharing you. Even if she loved you when she said she would do it, this is still a possibility.

I'll give you my feelings as an example. I am currently in love with two men. My boyfriend, we shall call him M and my ex, we shall call him T. I love M less than I love T, the love is also a bit different. If M came to me and asked to have an open relationship with me, I would be willing to give it a shot (at least in theory, in practice I might not be so willing after trying it). On the other hand if T and I were to start dating again and T came to me and asked to be in an open relationship with me I would not be so willing to do it and I would almost certainly say no. Although, I would still be willing to participate in a threesome with him and another woman or another man, it would just be this idea of him being with another woman when I'm not around that would upset me.

Actually, now that I think about it I guess it could also be that in theory it seemed alright to her, however in practice it didn't. Or that she didn't like you spending a week with the other girl alone. (Or another reason).

I think a good idea would be to figure out exactly why she said no, maybe it's something that can be worked around. Then yes, it's likely a good idea to figure out any other potential limits and work on a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship. (Unless all you want her to be is a housemaid now and not anything sexual, I mean if you're going to be all picky about vocabulary :p)!

All right I'm done with my random mumbling ^^!
 
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ronin

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I'm sorry if I seemed rude, I've been a bit grumpy today, so that may have come across in my earlier post ^^!

This is just a thought I'd figure I share, I'm not sure if it will help you or if you've thought about it. (Hey, I may be playing the role of Captain Obvious over here, but it can't hurt to say ^^).

If she said she would be willing to participate in a polyamorous relationship before and then she suddenly changed her mind, it's likely that her feelings towards you have changed. There's a fair chance that she really fell for you and really didn't like the thought of sharing you. Even if she loved you when she said she would do it, this is still a possibility.

I'll give you my feelings as an example. I am currently in love with two men. My boyfriend, we shall call him M and my ex, we shall call him T. I love M less than I love T, the love is also a bit different. If M came to me and asked to have an open relationship with me, I would be willing to give it a shot (at least in theory, in practice I might not be so willing after trying it). On the other hand if T and I were to start dating again and T came to me and asked to be in an open relationship with me I would not be so willing to do it and I would almost certainly say no. Although, I would still be willing to participate in a threesome with him and another woman or another man, it would just be this idea of him being with another woman when I'm not around that would upset me.

Actually, now that I think about it I guess it could also be that in theory it seemed alright to her, however in practice it didn't. Or that she didn't like you spending a week with the other girl alone. (Or another reason).

I think a good idea would be to figure out exactly why she said no, maybe it's something that can be worked around. Then yes, it's likely a good idea to figure out any other potential limits and work on a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship. (Unless all you want her to be is a housemaid now and not anything sexual, I mean if you're going to be all picky about vocabulary :p)!

All right I'm done with my random mumbling ^^!

No rudeness perceived, don't worry :)
She was against the poliamoy idea, but if favour of trying anything new in general.
And this was the ideal case for a test: temporary situation, no other complication, no sentimental involvment with the other girl, a decent one I may add.... just living and making sex under one roof.

You are right that she probably found a stumbling block in me being alone with the other girl for a week, but then again I made a clear point from the VERY BEGINNING (sorry for upcase) that I'm not jealous AT ALL (although I'm Italian... I've a sort of disease probably : ) and that I wanted no jealousy AT ALL again in my life. Better alone than with any jealous one.

I was asked: what if it was the other way round? Your girl alone with another man for a few days? Since similar situations happened to me in the past, I can answer with enough confidence: no problem. I'm self confident enough, I trust my g/fs, I don't feel the need to control other people's life, I actually enjoy their happyness as long as it takes nothing away from me. In a nutshell, I judge my relationship by whe exchange in place with the partner, and not by the possible exchanges in place with my partner and other people. Hey, they may be good looking girls (she's bi) or pretty nice guys to drink a beer with. Also, I see some advantages: if sometime I don't feel like making sex, I can count on the other one to satisfy my g/f - or many other similar situation.

Al the above was made very very clear to her, but she didn't see any positive side, only negative ones. Matter of fact, I see more positives than negatives even when there ae two men and a woman, but that's just my POV

:)
 
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I think it's the reality that she is probably struggling with, talking is one thing but once it is real in your face it can be hard to take. She could have stronger feeling for you now then she did when it was first brought up, her emotions mean she doesn't want to share you, possessiveness and jealousy in my opinion are only natural and I have always struggled to grasp the concept of being with more than one person at a time.

I guess you have to appreciate that she doesn't see the world the way you see it, you don't get jealous, she does, you think she should just go along with your wishes to please you but she isn't happy with what you want.
 
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sebastian

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It's important to realize that polyamory is a fairly complex form of relationship. It's only for those who feel that they can handle the complex lines of communication, the jealousy, and the time management it involves. My guess is your slave was uncomfortable with it, but thought she could make a go of it, but when it happened, she realized she's not cut out for it. And instead of talking the issue through with you, she freaked out.

Looking up definitions of 'slave' isn't very helpful for BDSM relationships, because BDSM slavery is not actual slavery. Actual slavery is involuntarily, coercive, immoral, and more or less illegal today. BDSM slavery is voluntarily, non-coercive, moral for those who wish it, and more or less legal but non-enforcible. The latter must be pleasurable for the slave, the former rarely was. So they are apples and oranges. It seems to me that you're rather stuck on a particular abstract definition of the word rather than focusing (as I think you should) on what you and she actually want to establish. All the dictionary definitions in the world won't help you figure things out if what she wants is different from what you want.
 
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ronin

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Sorry fo r the delay in getting back to you people. I had a pretty busy time lately.
We sort of settled doen the argument by basically freeing her from any obligation, thus falling back in an almost-vanilla relationship. I was clear about the fact that this is far from what I want, but at the moment have neither desire, nor time, for looking for other women.
Will this form of relationship be temporary or not, as well as evolving again into a BDSM relationship only time will tell. But one thing is for sure: will I ever talk again about BDSM with her or whoever else, I'll submit a form to be filled out in order to assess whether I'm talking with a real slave or just a wanna-be. By releasing her from her "slavery", at the same time I released myself from monogamy and she accepted the compromise. I try to treat the matter as sensibly as possible, so that she doesn't feel in danger. So far it works and the relationship seems to improve, although being no longer BDSM we ended up being OT in this thread :)
 
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