Shy sub...

kinki_nikki · Jun 12, 2009

hey

i'm new to these forums, and i've got a question. i'm in an otherwise fairly vanilla relationship, but my girl and i are starting to get into kinkier sex.

we've done a bit of bondage and forced orgasm, but i don't know how far i should go with it.

it's really hard to get her to open up about what she wants/is comfortable with. i know she's kinkier than she lets on because when she has a bit to drink she comes out with really filthy suggestions. i'm finding it a little hard to get into the dom role and i don't want to try stuff with her unless she's asked for it, even if i'm sure she'll like it...

i think maybe we're still a bit self conscious...? anyone have any experience of these things, or any general advice for a newbie dom (and her sub)?

Emma · Jun 12, 2009

Im the same as her i find it really hard to say some of my kinkier desires. One suggestion I could make is why dont you tell her something that you like that might be considered a bit more "hardcore" for yous and then she might think well if hes into that theres no way he can laugh at me for wanting.... I know that works with me, ya always feel like being more open with someone whos been open with you!

EZRA · Jun 13, 2009

She want's to be lead/ your in charge.
Do what you want thats the turnon for subs
You should talk about bounderies first but you'll have to take charge of that to.
For me being a sub is about pleasing the DOM.

subspace · Jun 13, 2009

I totally agree with Emma and EZRA. It really helped me in the start of relationships to know exactly what my Dom was interested in, even before knowing we were really in a D/s relationship.
On EZRA's point, I have a very hard time asking for what I want. It is a fun game now to be made to ask for things but in the beginning of a relationship I never like to ask. I am much more likely to do/try more if I am simply led. When a good Dom takes control we subs tend to follow.

Seattledom · Jun 13, 2009

Just be absolutely open with her about what you want. Openness breeds openness, the more open you are with her the easier it will be for her to be open with you.

Sparrow69 · Jun 13, 2009

communication is always the key. I've said it time and time again, be open and discuss everything, and you'll be amazed at what people can accomplish and how much happier you will be.

Obedient Little Puppy · Jun 13, 2009

I've had some difficulty in the past with asking for something I wanted, and even now I sometimes find it hard. Even if my master makes me beg for something, it is just really hard to do, and really humiliating

kinki_nikki · Jun 14, 2009

thnx for your replies... sorry if i didn't make this clear, but half of my question was about my other half (which you answered admirably) and half was about myself

i dunno, when i'm being dom-ly i feel really self-conscious...

EZRA · Jun 14, 2009

Do you enjoy the Dom roll?
or are you doing it because your partner is sub.?

kinki_nikki · Jun 14, 2009

EZRA said:
Do you enjoy the Dom roll?
or are you doing it because your partner is sub.?

definitely, i like it when i'm into it, but it's just hard *to* get into it...

i'm a nice girl in the vanilla world see... ;-)

Shy sub...

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