Shy sub...

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by kinki_nikki, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. kinki_nikki

    kinki_nikki New Member


    i'm new to these forums, and i've got a question. i'm in an otherwise fairly vanilla relationship, but my girl and i are starting to get into kinkier sex.

    we've done a bit of bondage and forced orgasm, but i don't know how far i should go with it.

    it's really hard to get her to open up about what she wants/is comfortable with. i know she's kinkier than she lets on because when she has a bit to drink she comes out with really filthy suggestions. i'm finding it a little hard to get into the dom role and i don't want to try stuff with her unless she's asked for it, even if i'm sure she'll like it...

    i think maybe we're still a bit self conscious...? anyone have any experience of these things, or any general advice for a newbie dom (and her sub)?
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  2. Emma

    Emma Member

    Im the same as her i find it really hard to say some of my kinkier desires. One suggestion I could make is why dont you tell her something that you like that might be considered a bit more "hardcore" for yous and then she might think well if hes into that theres no way he can laugh at me for wanting.... I know that works with me, ya always feel like being more open with someone whos been open with you!
  3. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    She want's to be lead/ your in charge.
    Do what you want thats the turnon for subs
    You should talk about bounderies first but you'll have to take charge of that to.
    For me being a sub is about pleasing the DOM.
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  4. subspace

    subspace Member

    I totally agree with Emma and EZRA. It really helped me in the start of relationships to know exactly what my Dom was interested in, even before knowing we were really in a D/s relationship.
    On EZRA's point, I have a very hard time asking for what I want. It is a fun game now to be made to ask for things but in the beginning of a relationship I never like to ask. I am much more likely to do/try more if I am simply led. When a good Dom takes control we subs tend to follow. :)
  5. Seattledom

    Seattledom Member

    Just be absolutely open with her about what you want. Openness breeds openness, the more open you are with her the easier it will be for her to be open with you.
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  6. Sparrow69

    Sparrow69 Moderator

    communication is always the key. I've said it time and time again, be open and discuss everything, and you'll be amazed at what people can accomplish and how much happier you will be.
  7. I've had some difficulty in the past with asking for something I wanted, and even now I sometimes find it hard. Even if my master makes me beg for something, it is just really hard to do, and really humiliating :(
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  8. kinki_nikki

    kinki_nikki New Member

    thnx for your replies... sorry if i didn't make this clear, but half of my question was about my other half (which you answered admirably) and half was about myself :p

    i dunno, when i'm being dom-ly i feel really self-conscious... :eek:
  9. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    Do you enjoy the Dom roll?
    or are you doing it because your partner is sub.?
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  10. kinki_nikki

    kinki_nikki New Member

    definitely, i like it when i'm into it, but it's just hard *to* get into it...

    i'm a nice girl in the vanilla world see... ;-)
  11. EZRA

    EZRA Member

    Do you feel guilty about dominating your sub? don't ,just remeber were his limts are.
    Or is it you have to overcome the conditioning you feel about your roll in society.
    you know girls are supposed to be nice and soft and cute?
    you've suppressed the more aggressive side of your self so long it's hard to let go and just let it out.
    Goddess is dealing with herself right now.

    maybe view this as an out let for your dominate side, let your frustration at the world come out think about your asshole boss or or the raving bitch you had to be nice to anyway,
    let out and express all the little annoyances

    do you see were I'm going with this?
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  12. kinki_nikki

    kinki_nikki New Member

    ^_^ yes

    thnx, i'll have to try that! grrr!
  13. We typically tend to have some vanilla mixed in with our bondage as well as with the forced orgasms. When we first started we slowly stepped it up as we realized what our fetishes were and as time went by we kept having conversations on what new to do or what the limits are.
    With that being said, you should try it but slowly step up. You are not going to do everything like a pro just overnight.
  14. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    you need to start slowly dominating her more and more untill you make her your slut if you want to of caurse
    but it is not thet easy with girls they dont really talk bout their fantasies so you don't need to risk

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