I came across this forum on an internet search provider quest for, "Characteristics of Women that like BDSM." I have learned through the years that I like the dominant/submissive lifestyle - at least some of the time. I will admit that I think bdsm is great, but am ok for morning sex, etc that does not entail restraints, spanks, or other dominant/submissive factors. Outside of the bedroom (kitchen, garage, basement) dominance games, I would not expect someone to act submissive if we went to dinner or to be a slave in real life - ie. the dominant/submissive roles are not 24/7. Mind you, I may purchase a dress for you and take you out to dinner and then on the drive home, bind you and gag you for bad table manners and upon parking in the garage, rip your clothing off and punish you. I have never made a post like this before and possess the attitude that communication is the best thing for any relationship. I will try to break this down into broad categories and add comments. 1) Me: 46 years of age and a working professional. 5'11, 250lbs, brown/grey hair, and 7.5 to 8 inches length and a nice thickness (debated adding that, but you will know I am there, I promise). 2) Sexual Preferences: Women only! Oral, Vaginal, and Anal (when I am assured your ass is ready for insertion) 3) What am I looking for? A female. I will admit if you are 5'2 and 250 pounds I will likely not be attracted to you. I do not have a, "type" outside of the fact I want someone who shares mutual chemistry and appreciates what I describe in this post. I would want to meet for coffee or something first to see if we click and have chemistry. I do not use drugs. I do smoke on occasion. I have no diseases. I do enjoy alcoholic beverages and like a glass of wine with dinner. I don't drink to excess. I would expect the same of my submissive (you don't have to smoke or like wine, but understand that I do). I think the dominant and submissive relationship is actually a relationship of equals - the submissive holds the cards for what will be done to her and the use of safe-words (Red means Stop! and Mercy means, Slow Down! [as examples]) give the woman I want as a submissive the actual control of any creative scenario I concoct for our mutual pleasure. I also respect if you do not feel the chemistry with me. I believe I holding a door for a woman, pouring her glass of wine first, or offering a coat in the cold and generally acting like a gentleman in public and private life. I don't see it as a contrast that bdsm play or sex is something different among consensual. I have read a good bit of the FAQs and other information here and really appreciate the posts. It confirmed a lot of what I have felt running solo without the benefits of reading things online. I read some of the FAQ information started by Obedient Little Puppy and commented on by Sebastian (http://www.smplace.com/forum/23598-newcomers-faq-read-before-posting.html) and will order my views in the sequence he provided. At some level, I think the dom/sub relationship could be viewed as a form of rape - though it is consensual rape with boundaries. The real thing is horrific and I would NEVER subscribe to this. More on this below - but essentially, actually hurting someone would be a horrible turn-off (if you like the idea of my handprint on your ass, that is great, but not to the point that you are weeping in terror). Even in typing this post, I well recognize that any healthy relationship is based on trust - and especially when submissive is putting their well being in the hands of a dominant partner. 1) Control: Part time. If we are at the grocery store or a restaurant, I am not going to be beating you with a riding crop. When we get home is another matter. I think I am very creative and will happily provide any number or scenarios for play and we can expand on the ones we like the most. The idea of making my sub wear a butt-plug out in public turns me on - unless it fell out! lol. Outside of the dominant/submissive play, I want to be able to hold an adult conversation. 2) Bondage: "The dom inflicts erotic pain on the sub." I like most of that paragraph. I am divorced (not because of the dom/sub that we chose, but other reasons) and my ex and I explored this type of lifestyle. I do like and am open for discussion about, ropes, leather straps, chains, cuffs, sensory deprivation (blindfolds and earmuffs), breath control (carefully monitored and though never needed through 8 years, am CPR certified) etc. I don't yet feel comfortable with suspension (outside of a sling), but am willing to learn and explore the possibility. I do well with ropes and knots. 3) Pain Play: I caused actual pain twice.. the "Ouch" pain not the pain that turned us both on. It was an immediate erection killer for me and play stopped on both occasions (to the sub's regret). I have never been turned on by the insertion of needles/pins (though the threat can always be there and a non-blood drawing application - or the offer to suck my cock or teasing you by twisting your nipples with needle nose pliers and telling you that you will get it much harder unless you start sucking [the correct answer would be my cock in your mouth]). Ice cubes, silk, feathers, etc, are all good. I am willing to explore new things. Erotic pain that flips you back and forth from (consensual) pain to ecstasy is fun and a turn-on. The sight of your sweaty body quivering in an orgasm is a turn on for me. Spankings, paddles, crops, other tools, pinching, clamps etc are all good with submissive consent. 4) Humiliation and verbal abuse: Some but not all and not in public. So in a private setting, I am open but do not mandate (well once we have an agreement of boundaries, things will be mandated) most of the things there I am ok with. I don't have a cage, but if you really wanted one, it could be built for you. If you have large breasts, I will punish you for having large breasts and tell you so. If you have small breasts, I will punish you for having small breasts and tell you so. Really, what guys like about boobs the most is that you let us play with them. So in this example, bust size does not really matter. Punishing you for the size of your bust is incidental to the fact that you will be punished for whatever reason chosen. I recognize that this a submissive reading this may want something more aggressive. I am open for discussion about it. If I am not comfortable doing something, I will communicate this to you clearly. I expect the same in return. I did think this was a GOOD erotic dom/sub fantasy story (note admins, if I am not allowed to post this link, please accept my apologies and remove it) http://www.literotica.com/s/the-joint. Feel free to PM or otherwise contact me.