Secret (Double) Life of Domination and S&M?!

Discussion in 'General BDSM discussions' started by chain_lover, Mar 10, 2011.

  1. chain_lover

    chain_lover New Member


    I am looking to see if anybody here is keeping their S&M or any fetish a secret and would be interested or, knows of someone who would be interested, in opening up to their friends and family about their fetishes. With the the help of a professional therapist, we would assist you in revealing your secret to the world and set yourself free!

    Rest assure that we will treat all submissions with confidentiality and respect.

    This is for a serious documentary series and it will air on a major tv network.

    There will be financial compensation for those participating and those who help find suitable candidates.

    To share your secret, please email Matt at or call Erica at (818) 728-7682.

  2. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I don't really understand why we'd want to be in therapy and tell friends and family, or how that would be 'setting myself free.' I wouldn't discuss a vanilla sex life with those people, so why would it matter?

    Still, assuming you're not a troll, it will either be a very good or very bad documentary for our community, depending who represents.
  3. master jey

    master jey Moderator

    Interesting :)
    chain_lover it's a private sex life why would someone tell family?
  4. P.S.Eudonym

    P.S.Eudonym Member

    I smell scripted reality TV in search of new material.

    Keeping your private life private does not equate living in chains or something that requires setting free, much less the assistance of a therapist to do so. For the off chance that his is actually a serious attempt to find candidates for a serious documentary, I'd advise you to change the wording of your statements.
    Pressuposing that BDSM equals a hidden double life, coupled with the offer of therapy to come out will offend most suitable candidates and attract only those who do not understand their sexuality, hence, reiterating the notion that BDSM is a bad thing.

    @Jey, this is about TV, "why would you" is not a question that medium normaly deals in. Presenting people something they would not do themselves to watch and judge is what reality tv is all about. ;)
  5. chain_lover

    chain_lover New Member

    I understand that's this is how you guys feel about the matter, but there are people out there looking for help to come clean about their double life. And its these people that we are reaching out to and try to help.
  6. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I'm assuming you're trolling. How is keeping a sex life of any kind private a 'double life'?

    And if they're people who need to 'come clean', it's like PS said- they would be horrible representatives of this lifestyle, and reinforce the idea that it's a bad thing. Seeing as you switched from advertising for candidates for a documentary to only wanting to help them to go to therapy, I'm assuming you're not paying attention to even what you're saying, let alone the responses. Unless this thread turns into something different, I'm done.
  7. P.S.Eudonym

    P.S.Eudonym Member

    As Smallest said, the concept you seem to misunderstand is that there really is nothing to 'come clean' about. Being into BDSM is as natural as being an artist with the speciality of act painting, a politician leading or a heterosexual person being aroused by the opposite sex. Its an internal desire and not a choice. All of the above can decide not to seek fulfillment of their desires, but they will miss it.

    Much like homo or transexuality, there is a social taboo enshrouding the sexuality, but that is all it is. A taboo based on misunderstanding and misplaced fear. Eventually, society at large will come to understand that just like it understood the prejudice towards race or ethnicity as prejudice's. Until then, suggesting that there is a need for therapeutical help to be open about our sexuality is counterproductive and supports the prejudice that there is something 'wrong' with BDSM.

    Furthermore, it creates the double standart and assumption that there is indeed a need to be open about it. Sexuality and sexual desires are private matters to be dilvulged to people of one owns chosing. A straight man or woman is not required to out him or herself as straight. We make the assumption that he or she is because that is the standart, but there is no force element. By that very logic and protected by the human rights convention itself, no human being is required to divulge his own sexual interests to another without the motivation of his or her own free will.
    A person who discovers his sexuality changes a great deal, we see this everyday in young people reaching, or going through, puberty, but those are changes to how that person perceives the world and nothing more. The drives or urges have always been there. People do not decide to be into men, women, BDSM, oral sex, anal sex or any other form of sexual practice. Knowing ones urges allows you to enjoy them and changes the way you see the world, but you remain the same person you have always been. Hence, wether or not friends or family are aware of the exact nature of ones desire does not factor into the relationship with those human beings. A mother does not love her child less or more depending on its sexuality because it is the person she loves, not the desires that arouse him or her.
    The acceptance of that childs nature on the other hand will be influenced by social conventions, religion or even personal reasons and those can lead to rejection, but the emotion of love does not change.

    What are you trying to do is force that question of acceptance on the families and friends of the volunteers. What you don't seem to understand, is that this question is only marginally related to BDSM. Instead it is interconnected with politics, religion, social conventions, personal taste, aesthetics and pretty much every other concept and notion about how people view society and how they personally define the term 'normal'. All reactions will be rooted in that and based on the individual's understanding of BDSM as opposed to what BDSM actually is. Much like asking a person to comment on a political process he/she has never heard of before will yield results disconnected from the actual political process and instead produce a response rooted in that person's worldview.

    My instincts tell me troll, but I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. Therefore, If you are truly interested in creating an informed, objective documentary about the BDSM sexuality, its effects on ones life and the social taboos associated with it, all in the scope of a person outing him or herself to their friends and family, then I suggest you research the material thoroughly and by yourself. Dispose of all your prior notions of the topic, be open minded and try to understand the concepts of SSC, hurt without harm, safety aspects, pleasure-pain, responsibility & power exchange, inner and outer sphere, aftercare and so forth. Unless you do this, however high minded or noble your goal, you will only succed in creating another reality TV freak show that reinforces sterotypes and prejudice. The reason I know this is because your language and demeanor show that you neither understand the concepts nor seem to be interested in them as shown by your 'how you guys feel' statement. (Which is a polite way of saying: 'Thanks for your opinion, but I know better.')

    Finally, allow me to say that the train of though that moves from: 'serious documentary' over 'financial compensation' passing 'professional therapist' to reach 'helping people to come clean' reinforces the impression of either a troll or a rating seeking, fear inducing taboo exploiter. Feel free to prove me wrong, but the fact that you did not even bother to mention a country or area to which this documentary of yours would apply, in an international forum, does not help either.


  8. Smallest

    Smallest Moderator

    I was only going to add, this is the sort of situation where you think and hope it's a troll, but if it's not and you deny information, they'll keep having bad misjudgements
  9. chain_lover

    chain_lover New Member

    We are not interested in videos nor pictures. I am looking for individuals that are willing to meet with my producers or just talk to them over the phone. Our credentials are good. We have produced shows like "Intervention" in case you have seen it.

    Please help out with a referral if you can. It can be anonymous if you'd like.

    Thanks again. And at no point we are insinuating s&m or other fetishes are something bad and that's why it needs to come out. It just some people are afraid to let others know who they really are afraid of rejection and being judge or looked upon. We are ONLY trying to help.

    My producers Kristina (818-728-7682) and Erica (818-461-1634) would be more than happy to hear your story.
  10. sillylittlepet

    sillylittlepet Active Member

    Who even tells their family about their sex life, gross.

    Why do people want to talk about their sex life so badly with others? Its a private matter and you talk about with people you're comfortable with. Why would there be some intense desire to let people know who you "really are", as if not telling friends that I'm a submissive is somehow lying to them or not being truthful.

    Maybe if you believe being D or S is so intertwined to the very core of who you are to point where no one can understand you unless they understand your desires to be D or S then maybe you can let people know about your sex life. But other than that, its just a sexual activity!

    Now, if you wanted to ask people about their experiences or feelings with BDSM, I think you'd get much better results
  11. P.S.Eudonym

    P.S.Eudonym Member

    With all due respect, if you worked on "Intervention" you have no leg to stand on with the claim of "only trying to help". If your intention was simply helping people you would work for a rehab clinic, counceling or some other altruistic organisation that does exactly that, helping people.

    You on the other hand work(ed) on a TV show that tries to showcase a process that takes weeks if not month or years in 43 minutes of condensed rating seeking Televison with the intention of makeing money. Helping people is a sideeffect that allows your viewers to forget their guilt at calling a depiction of human suffering entertainment.

    Helping addicts to get their life together and to seek help is a good thing, there is no doubt about that. But profiting off their suffering, struggle and the emotional turmoil is not. If you did the same thing the show does, without a single camera and without the intention of publishing it for money, then you would 'ONLY help'. But you don't.

    I for one, will certainly not be involved in another TV abomination that cuts from low to lower while pretending to be high minded. The very nature of time defies your aleged intentions simply because it is impossible to provide an accurate image of that lengthy a process in that a short amount of time. Ommiting information in a process is called (Self)censorship and by its very nature prescriptive. Yet your claim of 'only wanting to help' requires a descriptive approach.

    By the way, who ever mentioned videos or pictures?
  12. DaddysLilGirl

    DaddysLilGirl New Member

    I don't really find it necessary to tell my friends and family what I prefer or what position I like the best. Why on earth would that set anyone free.

    And I hardly doubt there are a bunch of us who are needing therapy due to our "extreme" lifestyle. Maybe if it was a.documentary about how it really is and the meanings pleasures.and fulfillment in this lifestyle people would be willing.

    I just can't imagine sitting around a table with a therapist to tell my folks hey I am a slave to my significant other. Or how I would feel any different.

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